Learn Your Alphabet with the X-Men
Filed under: Comics
So your little mutants, metas, and heroes are having trouble learning their ABCs and are on the verge of flunking out of Preschool?
Don’t worry. Here at Polite Dissent we have developed The X-Men Alphabet Primer to help with just such a problem!
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A is for Angel, who soars with the birds.
B is for Beast, who uses very big words.
C is for Cypher, shot in a fight.
D is for Dust, who wears her burqa too tight.
E is for Empath, not a giver; a taker.
F is for Forge also known as the Maker.
G is for Gambit, whose accent perplexes.
H is for Havok and his many complexes.
I is for Iceman who loves absolute zero.
J is for Juggernaut who’s playing at hero.
K is for Karma, the niece of a crime lord.
L is for Lila, once queen of the rock chord.
M is for Magneto, who is rather intense.
N is for Nightcrawler who has a tail and can fence.
O is for Onslaught, a sorry occasion.
P is for Psylocke, once English, now Asian.
Q is for Quentin, one of Xavier’s ex-pupils.
R is for Roulette, a Hellion without scruples.
S is for Strong Guy who is strong…and a guy.
T is for Thunderbird, the first one to die.
U is for Unus, who is strongly protected.
V is for Vulcan, a brother neglected.
W is for Wolfsbane, who’s been let off her leash.
X is for X-23, just another pastiche.
Y is for Yukio, one of Claremont’s inventions.
Z is for Zaladane, with evil intentions.
October 15th, 2006 at 8:51 pm
Official Comment
Yes, I know that post-Deadly Genesis Thunderbird was no longer the first of the new X-Men to die. I’m a traditionalist so I’m sticking with “first” (but substitute “fifth” if it makes you feel better).
October 15th, 2006 at 9:03 pm
“queen of the rock chord”?
October 15th, 2006 at 9:06 pm
Official Comment
When Lila Cheney was introduced back in New Mutants Annual #1, she was an international rock star/thief. And “power chord” had too many syllables.
October 15th, 2006 at 9:38 pm
So, Changling-as-Xavier doesn’t count as a dead X-Man?
October 15th, 2006 at 10:20 pm
I give you a standing ovation sir!
October 15th, 2006 at 11:36 pm
It’s like high school all over again!
Yukio and the pink Hellions, I mean.
Not the primer.
Really.
October 16th, 2006 at 8:42 am
“When Lila Cheney was introduced back in New Mutants Annual #1, she was an international rock star/thief.”
Yeah, but… “queen of the rock chord”?
October 16th, 2006 at 10:01 am
It’s not completely well-known, but “P is for Psylocke, once English, now Asian” is actually the greatest phrase ever written in any language, ever.
Hilarious, and thanks!
October 16th, 2006 at 11:24 am
Edward Gorey would be proud. ;)
October 16th, 2006 at 2:30 pm
Aprende el alfabeto con los X-Men…
O cómo ser un auténtico friqui desde tus primeros pasos. Olvidémonos de Micho y sus hermanos si Cíclope y Lobezno han hecho el esfuerzo de venir para enseñarte a leer. Incluye una alegre cancioncita con rima para facilitar el aprendizaje. Eso sí,…
October 17th, 2006 at 1:50 pm
Hahaha, what a great way to start my morning. Well played!
October 17th, 2006 at 1:59 pm
[...] Aprender el alfabeto de los XMen (Friki, eh?) [...]
October 18th, 2006 at 9:34 am
[...] but he makes up for it with the Psylocke line. Posted by Kevin Melrose in Marvel, Fandom [ Permalink ] [] [...]
October 18th, 2006 at 11:08 am
Learn Your Alphabet with the X-Men…
A funny alphabetical list of X-Men characters with rhymes….
October 18th, 2006 at 11:29 am
AWESOME!
October 18th, 2006 at 2:40 pm
Awesome job, sir!
A minor quibble: One line didn’t quite scan for me: R is for Roulette, a Hellion without scruples. To my ear, “without” has one two many syllables, but “sans” would work.
I feel like a jerk just for mentioning it. This was a really fun read, and it’s clear you had a blast coming up with it. (Nice job with Dust, by the way!)
Rob
October 18th, 2006 at 10:59 pm
[...] As evidence that comic books are educational, I present “Learn your Alphabet with the X-Men“, a rhyming alphabet lesson focused on the comic. Put together by the author of the blog Polite Dissent, a medical student whose blog I read mostly for his insightful critiques of the medical theories on House, M.D. Posted by mattbear Filed in Blogroll, Comic Books [...]
October 19th, 2006 at 9:49 am
Official Comment
Rob,
You’re right. That line is a little awkward and sans does not work better. In my defense, I was running Hellions together so it took up maybe a syllable-and-a-half (”helyuns”).
October 19th, 2006 at 11:07 am
I´m teaching my sister to read whit this alphabet but she´s really stupid. She needs superpowers to learn¡
October 24th, 2006 at 8:28 am
Brilliant stuff I work in an elementary school with an autistic boy. He is obsessed with Xmen. Thank you!
August 6th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
I liked this website too much because this will help us to teach people who doesn’t have education.
October 8th, 2008 at 5:44 am
W is Wolverine, numnuts
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