The S.C.R.U.B.S. System

July 6th, 2004

Filed under: Comics

As I’ve mentioned repeatedly in previous posts, I have been unimpressed by recent storylines in the Batman titles. Wouldn’t it be nice to know beforehand exactly how bad a particular story arc is going to be?

I hereby introduce S.C.R.U.B.S. (Scoring Concerning the Readabilty/Unreadabilty of Batman Storylines). It is a scoring system designed to give a quick determination of whether a particular Batman title storyline is going to be particularly bad. It is not designed to identify good storylines, just highlight the ones likely to be bad.

Scoring is easy, consisting of 4 areas of considerationsfor Basic SCRUBS (length of storyline, identity of Batman, side-kicks/guest stars and villains). Special modifiers are added in Advanced SCRUBS. The Basic SCRUBS score can be figured out from advance solicitations and no significant advance knowledge is needed. The Advanced system is more accurate, but requires more in-depth knowledge of the storyline. Once the Basic or Advanced score is determined, the Final Score table will show whether the storyline is worth reading. Scores are also comparable to one another: a storyline with a score of 14 is worse than one with a score of 7, and a storyline scoring 31 will be much worse than either of them.

    Basic SCRUBS

  1. Storyline Length:
    1 point for each issue of a storyline in a regular title.
    1/2 point for each issue of a storyline in a limited-series or crossover (rounded up).
  2. Batman’s Identity:
    +5 points if Batman is someone other than Bruce Wayne.
  3. Sidekicks/Guest Stars:
    +1 point if Robin (Tim Drake or Dick Grayson) or Oracle is involved.
    +2 points if Nightwing is involved (only +1 if he is in at least half the storyline).
    +3 points if Batgirl (Barbara Gordon) or Robin (Jason Todd or Stephanie Brown) is involved (only +2 if he or she is in at least half the storyline).
    +4 points if the Huntress or Catwoman is involved (only +2 if she is in at least half the storyline).
    +5 points if Batgirl (Cassandra Kain), Spoiler, or Orpheus is involved (only +3 if he or she is in at least half the storyline).
    +5 points if Superman or Wonder Woman are involved
    +6 points if any other JLA member is involved. Also +6 points if Batwoman (Kathy Kane) or Bat-Girl (Bette Kane) are involved.
    +7 points if any other superhero is involved.
    +8 points if super-powered animals or Bat-mite are involved.
  4. Villains:
    +1 point for each villain greater than 2 involved in the storyline.
    Advanced SCRUBS Use the Basic SCRUBS scoring, but add the following list of special modifier.

  • Major Character dies (+5)
  • Minor character dies (+2)
  • Love interest is introduced (+3)
  • Love interest dies (+5)
  • Love interest is introduced and dies (+10)
  • New villain is introduced (+4)
  • New hero is introduced (+3)
  • A character or villain is brought back from the dead (+5)
  • A secret identity is revealed (+5)
  • A Hero or Villain acts out of character (even if explained away later) (+5)
  • Wayne business interets are threatened (+4)

 

Final Score
Result

1-8

 Probably safe.
9-16
 Potential for bad storytelling exists. Read with caution.

17-24

 Almost certainly bad. Recommended for completists or those with money
to burn.
25-32
 Painful to read. Recommened only for obsessive collectors or those with
other psychological problems.
33+
 DNR. Not worth the paper it is printed on.

Examples:

  • In Knight Moves in Batman: Gotham Knights (#38-40), a 3-part storyline where Batman and the Huntress fight Checkmate before the Huntress ultimately agrees to join the organization. This would score 10 points: 3 points for number of issues, 2 points for the Huntress (as she was a major character ), and 5 points for her acting out of character.
  • Batman: City of Lights would score 18 points. 4 points for being an 8 issue limited series, +3 for Batgirl (as she is a main character), +4 for a new villain, +2 for the death of a minor character, and +5 for Batman acting out of character.
  • I don’t even want to calculate the score from Hush

With just a little work, this system could be adjusted to fit other super-hero titles as well. Reading Previews will give us enough for Basic SCRUB scores, and reviewers could put Advanced SCRUB scores in their reviews. With the use of SCRUBS, bad Batman storylines can be avoided!
(I admit this is tounge in cheek — mostly — but I still think it could work.)

12 Responses to “ The S.C.R.U.B.S. System ”

  1. H
    July 6th, 2004 at 11:34 pm

    Scott:

    I was right with you until you penalized Batwoman and Bat-Girl appearances. You fiend! At least Bat-Hound escapes without adding any SC.R.U.B.S. points.

    H

  2. David
    July 8th, 2004 at 8:38 am

    Agreed on the flagrant anti-Batwoman bias. For shame! Of course, I’m dying to score “Hush,” but that would involve skimming them again.

  3. Rick
    July 8th, 2004 at 3:11 pm

    Huh, after reading City of Light, I see that it bucked your system. That series was easily one of the worst Bat stories in the last few years and it only got an 18 on your system. *shrug* nothing is perfect, though.

  4. Isaac
    July 8th, 2004 at 9:07 pm

    All in good fun. The DC Comics Present: Batman scored good and low, despite 2 Batmans and a number of villains, one new. Nice system.

  5. Scott
    July 8th, 2004 at 11:05 pm

    But that’s the beauty of the system, with SC.R.U.B.S. you can adjust the modifiers to reflect your own tastes!!

    H and David: Reduce the Batwoman penalty to +3, making her equivalent to Batgirl (Barbara Gordon); or to +2, making her the equivalent of Nightwing.

    Rick: Add this modifier to the Advanced SC.R.U.B.S. list:
    Penciled by artist/artists whose best work was in Grendel (+10)

  6. Steven Berg
    July 9th, 2004 at 5:26 am

    “+6 points if any other JLA member is involved.”

    Is that +6 per character, or just +6 if one or more characters are involved?

  7. Scott
    July 9th, 2004 at 10:35 am

    6 points per character, so Green Lantern, Aquaman, and Flash would be +18.

  8. Steven Berg
    July 9th, 2004 at 11:18 am

    I was going to calculate the SCRUBS rating for DK2, but at +6 per character it must be somewhere far above 50.

  9. Scott
    July 9th, 2004 at 3:38 pm

    I still bet HUSH is higher.

    Maybe I should add a “may not be compatible with Elseworlds”, but I’m not sure DK2 is actually an Elseworlds

  10. chipsnopotatoes
    September 10th, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    um. not sure i understand the scoring on the sidekicks. how do you differentiate a characted being “involved” vs “half the storyline”? why is one higher than the other?

    do you still use this rating system?

  11. Blake
    November 21st, 2008 at 3:09 am

    When I saw the acronym, I initially thought it stood for Screwy Crazy Ridiculous Unbearably Bad Science.

  12. Bob
    May 19th, 2010 at 3:12 am

    @chipsnopotatoes: the system is designed to penalize story arcs where certain characters appear without being really deeply invoved in the story. I believe the logic is that when those particular individuals are major characters, they’re there for the purpose of being major characters that are integral to the storyline. In stories where they’re minor characters, they’re there for the purpose of Bat-angst or as “Look! We put in X! X fans, rejoice!”

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