Comic Book Diagnosis: No Exchanges

February 24th, 2008

Filed under: Comics, Medicine

In an exchange transfusion, a portion of the patient’s blood is slowly withdrawn and replaced with donated blood. Depending on the patient and the situation, the transfusion may involve just a small fraction of the patient’s blood, or enough to refill the circulation several times over.

Exchange transfusions are most commonly used to treat severe jaundice in newborns, but they can also be used in critical cases of sickle cell anemia, thrombotic thrombocytopenic purpura, and hemolytic disease of the newborn (a condition caused by a blood type incompatibility between mother and fetus). Exchange transfusions have also been used to cleanse certain drugs and toxins from the body.

A good example of this last use comes in Captain America #377, the penultimate issue of the Streets of Poison storyline. Cap had been caught in the explosion of a methamphetamine lab and the high levels of the vaporized drug somehow bonded with the Super Soldier Serum in Cap’s blood, causing abnormally aggressive and violent behavior. The only way to remove the drug is to perform an exchange transfusion. Unfortunately, this will also remove the Super Soldier Serum as well, rendering Cap powerless. (Don’t worry — the Super Soldier Serum eventually reasserts itself and everything works out well in the end, but that’s a post for another day.)

With friends like Henry Pym, who needs enemies?Red jackets are SO back in this year

Comic Book science, of course, takes the exchange transfusion to the next level. For instance, what if a fluid other than blood is used in the transfusion?

In All-Winners Comics #1 (a classic Captain America story), Cap and Bucky face off against an army of “zombies” created by a mad Nazi scientist. These aren’t classic zombies, but instead transients and bums turned invulnerable through an exchange transfusion.

Di-Namo Fluid, available now at your local retailer! Ask for it by name!
Sure, they don't die, but they don't clean up after themselves eitherClearly Steve hasn't read any Marvel comics for the past two years

In the more recent Umbrella Academy #4, Vanya is experimented on by the Conductor of the Orchestra Verdammten and has her blood removed and replaced with a dark evil liquid. This transforms her into the villainous La Viole Blanche (aka The White Violin) who vows to destroy the rest of the Umbrella Academy…as well as the entire world.

That just doesn't look comfortableNotice how the blood has increased and the black fluid decreased since the first panelFiddle me this, Batman

The take home message is that exchange transfusions serve an important function in severe disease, unless you’re in a comic book and something other than blood is used. If that’s the case, run far far away as fast as you can.

Other Comic Book Diagnoses:
Frozen Solid!Frozen Solid
Brains! Brains!Brains! Brains!
HypertrichosisHypertrichosis
XenograftingXenografting
De-AgingDe-Aging
Can't Get You Out of My MindCan’t Get You Out of My Mind

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6 Responses to “ Comic Book Diagnosis: No Exchanges ”

  1. Michael Zeidler
    February 25th, 2008 at 2:43 am

    Toro, the original Human Torch’s sidekick gained his powers by getting a transfusion from the Torch. Now there’s something I’d like to see you cover. Wasn’t Spitfire (maybe it was the Whizzer) given her powers via mongoose blood transfusion, as an anti-venom to a cobra bite?

  2. Slarti
    February 25th, 2008 at 6:51 am

    That was the Whizzer, yeah.

    There’s also The Engineer from The Authority, who swapped out her blood for liquid nanotech.

  3. Scott
    February 25th, 2008 at 10:03 am
    Official Comment

    The Engineer – Good, I had forgotten her.
    Whizzer – Got his powers from a transfusion of mongoose blood after a cobra bite, but it wasn’t an exchange transfusion.
    Spitfire – Got her powers from a transfusion of the Human Torch’s blood. It may have been an exchange transfusion — I’m not sure — but I don’t think so. Even so, transfusions seem a common way for WWII-era characters to gain super-powers.
    Toro – My understanding was that Toro gained his powers from being a “mutant” (his parents had been exposed to radiation before he was born). At least once, he needed a “flame transfusion” from the Human Torch to restore his powers after an injury (here’s a brief post about one such transfusion).

  4. Mike Zeidler
    February 25th, 2008 at 10:12 am

    Ah yes, the “flame transfusion” from MMC #19 which is in the Feiffer “The Great Comic Book Heroes” book that I devoured over and over as a kid. Thanks for the reminder, and link, Scott!

  5. Keith
    February 25th, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    Oh, good – another buck-naked super-heroine! I hope whatever they put in her veins also protects against drafts.

  6. Mr. B
    February 25th, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    STREETS OF POISON

    I remember some of that particular issue. Wasn’t there a gang member, who was patrolling the area, who was a “walking IED”? I think he was a young Asian male, who said something like “They call me the “bombinator” because I can do this trick, but I can only do it once. (I think, he had a huge toothy grin on his face.) Then he squeezes his thumb over the detonator and BOOM! (I’m assuming you read that issue recently, if not, don’t worry about it.)

    ————————————
    “ZOMBIES Bucky! They’re zombies!” Captain America is going to have to change his name to Captain Obvious. lol

    I see some possibilities for winning a “No Prize” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-Prize if I can only get my flux capacitor juiced up with 1.21 gigawatts of electricity, then I’m golden.

    A-Many problems with that zombie plan. Why would the homeless want to help out the Third Reich?

    B-The “zombie like” men are only good for 24 hours. That is going to be a logistical nightmare.

    C-It seems cost prohibitive and time consuming. First you have to produce a substance that will keep your “zombies” unusually resilient for 24 hours. I think the R&D money could be spent more productively, on anything else.

    If you accomplish the first part, you are going to have to take away their free will next. That is going to be a freaking problem. Science believes that pufferfish (Tetrodotoxin) are creating zombies. That makes sense to a certain degree. The “zombie” appears to be dead but he is only in a coma. Once he awakens from his hibernation, I could see a few people believing that they are freshly risen from the grave. But plowing fields for a Haitian witch doctor, would get old rather quickly and the zombie would make a quick exit from the village.

    My personal theory is that the Basal Ganglia must involved somehow. I’m thinking the Caudate nucleus is zapped, by Kainic acid, Domoic acid or some other unknown substance that is either a highly glutamic exotoxic substance or inhibits endopsychosins. Perhaps the combination of the Tetrotoxin and “substance X” is the best method for creating a zombie. The mad scientist should have flow down to Haiti and nabbed a few Voodoo witch doctors, and hit the beach for a few days. Worse case scenario, he get a nice base tan.

    D-Even if you remove free will, there are going to be problems. Take a quick look at this, its well worth it. http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=drowning-mr-m
    The zombies will comply; but only under direct supervision. Without direct supervision, they are not going to stay on, the task at hand. Worse even, is they will obey your orders, or any other order. That is going to be bad news, for the Nazis. The zombies could be trained to only react to “pig Latin” or Esperanto. That is going to be extremely time consuming and it is going to complicate matters. Not even mentioning they are only good for 24 hours.

    It seems that creating and using zombies is just going to a freaking nightmare (for the Nazis). It would probably be better to brainwash your citizens and and create a police state. If that is not possible, try and lure terrorists from the middle east, to Germany. Come up with a better deal, for them. Something like 72 virgins and a puppy.

    I don’t think Hitler would’ve been pleased, with this particular mad scientist. LMAO

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