Arkham Asylum Employment Application, Question #1

February 1st, 2009

Filed under: Comics

scene from Detective Comics #693

As part of her rehabilitation, Poison Ivy offers to cook you a meal. Do you:

A) Accept
B) Decline
C) Rainbow! Sonata! Oh the pretty bees!

Answers and results available below.

A – Congratulations! You are a perfect fit for a career at Arkham Asylum, where we work hard to make the inmates’ escape plans as easy as possible for them. You demonstrate not only a ridiculously poor judgment, but clearly have little if any sense of self preservation. While we currently do not have any job openings, with our high rate of employee death staff turnover, you will likely be receiving a phone call from out human resources department by the end of this month.

B – I’m sorry, but your realistic amount of common sense makes you unsuitable for a job at Arkham Asylum. If you are still interested in a career in super-villain detention, we recommend you apply to Iron Heights Penitentiary where, for reasons unclear to us, they actually believe in the incarceration of mass murderers.

C – Oops! Our mistake. You clearly should have received the Arkham Asylum Inmate Questionnaire, not the one for prospective employees. However, after your inevitable escape, please look us up if you are still interested in employment.


Image courtesy of Detective Comics #693, by Chuck Dixon and Staz Johnson. This scene occurs less than a page before her escape from the Asylum. Imagine that.

10 Responses to “ Arkham Asylum Employment Application, Question #1 ”

  1. Najika
    February 1st, 2009 at 6:43 pm

    Having read this comic, I’m going to go with B.

  2. Seth Finkelstein
    February 2nd, 2009 at 6:17 am

    They “hang a lampshade” on it in the comic, with one person pointing out it’s a very dumb idea, and one of the doctors talking about building trust.

    This is sort of like letting a pyromaniac run the grill at a cookout.

  3. the Original Keith
    February 2nd, 2009 at 7:36 am

    Can she give me a massage, instead?

  4. Patrick
    February 2nd, 2009 at 7:45 am

    Firefly’s already on the steaks…

  5. Steven
    February 2nd, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    God, that MOMENT is the my prime example of how stupid Arkham doctors can be!

  6. Harvey
    February 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm

    Intellectually, I know that the correct answer is DECLINE. To eat salad is to contribute to man’s global herbicide. However, no man can resist the urge to pollinate Poison Ivy’s stamens…or something.

  7. Seth Finkelstein
    February 3rd, 2009 at 8:28 am

    I think the best thing would be to say that Ivy managed to dose the doctors with some suppress-higher-brain-function concoction earlier to get them to agree to the idea (why didn’t she escape that way in the first place? Because she could only do a little, enough to suppress a caution response, not enough to zap them entirely). Maybe mixed into perfume.

  8. mike.
    February 3rd, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Captain Obvious says, “Never accept an offer for a tossed salad in any building with bars in the window.”

  9. Conor E
    February 3rd, 2009 at 11:09 am

    I just assume they to staff Arkham with the most incompetent people they can find, since they’re just going to get killed anyway.

  10. Psudo
    February 4th, 2009 at 11:51 am

    If you think about it, Arkham provides an award-winning Darwinian service by removing the stupidest of Gotham’s population from the gene pool.

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