Polite Dissent

I was going to write a cutting and insightful critique of the Marvel Comics mini-series Witches. But then I read it. So instead, I think I’ll just sum up my thoughts about the comic by simply listing the important things I learned from Witches:

• The fewer clothes you wear, the better a witch you are (the opposite holds true for males, where the more clothes the better).
• Your worst enemies are always relatives.
• By quitting the team and striking out on your own, you’ll manage to stumble upon a major plot point before anyone else.
• Reading books is dangerous.
• Tattoos are cool.
• People named Illyana have common Russian last names like … Kale.
• Capes and scarves do not need to obey the laws of gravity.
  (Or: Sorcerers and Witches always have a wind blowing from behind them.)
• You can shoot someone dead by just pointing a finger at them.
• Satan’s first name is Lou (though anyone who watched Angel Heart should already know this).
• Evil magic is pink. Good magic is yellow. Lesbian magic is purple.
• Condescension never goes out of style.
• Monsters breathe loudly.