Polite Dissent

Some Christmas Social Tips, and other Holiday Hints, from Polite Dissent:

• If you plan on wearing a tie, a half windsor knot looks classier than a four in hand.
• A well designed Christmas display should cause neither seizures nor migraines.
• Vodka and tonics should be served with a twist of lemon, not lime.
• Real eggnog does not come in cartons.
• I stilll don’t think the whole Rudolph story is true. Sure, a lighted nose would be helpful when flying at night — with good weather. But in the “worst storm of the century” not even the most powerful halogen lamp is going to allow Santa to see any better in a raging blizzard, let alone a small red nose. I’m skeptical.
• Speaking of Rudolph, please do not sing those ridiculous “between-the-line” lines in Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. You may have thought that they were hilarious in kindergarten and first-grade, but they weren’t…not then and not now.
• Despite what your teacher and parents told you, poinsettias are not particulalry poisonous. On the other hand, mistletoe is.
• Bourbon is never an appropriate gift for a three year-old.
• I’m glad you remember that the fifth day of Christmas is “Five Golden Rings,” but when singing, please remember that it’s a Christmas carol, not a college fight song.
• If your power bill doubles during December, then you probably have too many Christmas lights.
• Bumbles bounce.