Polite Dissent

The winner of the Quality Contest is David Oakes for his modern remake of the Russian poem Fop’s Blouse

The Fan’s Blouse/????? ????

I will sew myself black trousers
from the velvet of Don Ho’s voice.
And from three yards of sunset, a yellow blouse.
Along the world’s main street, along its glossy lanes, like a river
otter
I will saunter with the gait of David Oakes, a fan.

Let the earth, overripe and placid, cry out:
“You would rape the green Spring!”
I’ll yell at the sun with an impudent grin
“I prefer to prance on smooth asphalt,
and drink from a bottle of vodka!”

Isn’t it because the sky is blue,
And the earth is my lover in this spring cleaning,
that I give you verses fun as bi-bah-boh
and sharp and useful as an ice cream sandwich!

Women who love my flesh, and you,
Spiro Agnew , looking at me like a brother,
toss your smiles to me, the poet -
and I’ll sew them like sheaves of
The Annotated Alice in Wonderland
onto my fan’s blouse!

---

Gordon gets a Close Second Runner’s-Up award for his haiku epic poem:

RUSSIAN THROUGH TIME

Andre Milnakov,
Russian nobleman, eating
An ice cream sandwich.

The tsar’s enemy
Washes down his snack with a
Bottle of vodka.

A river otter
Swims playfully as Andre
Sharpens his sabre.

He plans to purloin
The most treasured of objects -
Tsar’s Faberge egg.

Seeking conspirators,
He travels through time to seek
Out Spiro Agnew.

The Vice-President
Tells Andre to go to hell;
Nixon sweats alone.

Another time jump,
Andre recruits Mr. Marx -
Alas, it’s Chico.

Men of history
Turn down the Russian’s offer
Of Corpulent Weath.

His only reward,
An invitation to golf
From Charlie Chaplin.

Sitting dejected,
No Faberge egg in hand
Andre plots again.

Something easier,
Which Andre contemplated,
A pure hole-in-one.

“Eureka!” he cried
As his next goal coalesced:
Ben Grimm’s underpants.

This story’s moral
For those who don’t comprehend:
Please get some fresh air.

---

David wins a copy of Nikolai Dante: The Romanov Dysnasty. Gordon will find himself in possession of a nice runner-up prize. Remember, all entrants in the Quality Contest are automatically entered in the Pure Luck Contest, so you may still win a copy of the book.

Tomorrow, the Quantity Contest results.