Polite Dissent

Hidden deep in the swamps on the remote planet Dagobah is one of the greatest physicians in the universe:

Dr. Yoda: I am wondering, why are you here?
Patient: I’ve had this sore throat for a week. It feels—
Dr. Yoda: Feel like what?
Patient: It feels like I swallowed a lightsaber.
Dr. Yoda: Help you I can. Yes, mmmm.
Patient: Do I need antibiotics?
Dr. Yoda: Already know you that which you need.

Patient: Dr. Yoda, I want to try to quit smoking.
Dr. Yoda: No. Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try.
Patient: OK, OK, I’ll quit! But I’ve smoked for so many years.
Dr. Yoda: You must unlearn what you have learned.
Patient: There are days I’m not sure that I even want to quit.
Dr. Yoda: That is why you fail.
Patient: (sigh) I might as well just accept the fact that I’ll be smoking two packs a day for the rest of my life…
Dr. Yoda: So certain are you. Always with you it cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Patient: So you will be able to help me quit smoking?
Dr. Yoda: You will know… when you are calm, at peace, passive.

Patient: Doc, I’m here for my test results.
Dr. Yoda: I sense much fear in you.
Patient: I’m scared it might be cancer. I know I should have come in when I first saw the spot, but I just kept putting it off. Finally my wife made me come in.
Dr. Yoda: Now, matters are worse.
Patient: Is it really that bad?
Dr. Yoda: Impossible to see the future is.
Patient: Is it…fatal?
Dr. Yoda: Difficult to see. Always in motion is future.
Patient: Please Doc, I gotta know…
Dr. Yoda: Pain, suffering, death I feel.

Patient: I’m looking for Dr. Yoda.
Dr. Yoda: Looking? Found someone, you have, I would say, hmmm?
Patient: Doc, I’ve kinda got this embarrassing problem. And I was wondering if those e-mails I’ve been getting really work…
Dr. Yoda: Size matters not.
Patient: Seriously, can’t you do anything, you know, to make it bigger?
Dr. Yoda: Strong am I with the Force, but not that strong.