Polite Dissent

Today’s tale is the second story in Superman’s Girlfriend Lois Lane #60: The Amazing Hydro-Girl!

Lois Lane is reporting on the manned space program where a scientist has developed a serum that allows people to breathe underwater. When nobody is looking, Lois sneaks some of the “Hydronaut Serum” and drinks it. The serum works great and she finds that she can breathe underwater without any difficulty. However, an hour later she begins gasping for breath.

Panicked, she calls the research center and discovers that while the serum does indeed allow people to breathe underwater, it also requires them to immerse their body in liquid every hour or die. The research center tells her that the best chance for a cure is to find the scientist who invented the serum. They provide her with an itinerary of where he is supposed to be, so she sets out to find him.

Some crooks overhear Lois’s conversation. They know the mob is offering a bounty for killing Lois Lane and decide that the best way to bump her off is to stop her from getting any water. This sets up a fun cat and mouse game as the mobsters try to prevent Lois from reaching water, and she manages to find some liquid no matter what they do.

The criminals buy up all the water from a nearby vendor and pour it on the ground so Lois can’t have any. They also stop her from getting any water at the nearby stables. Lois runs past the mobsters, climbs up a nearby oil storage tank and dives in.

Lois: I feel better already, as my skin absorbs oxygen dissolved in the oil. It’s like fish absorbing oxygen dissolved in the water.

Reality Check:While it’s true that crude oil can contain oxygen impurities, Lois informs us in the next panel that this was refined oil, which should have little if any oxygen. Oil is a hydrocarbon and is very different from water — just ask the Alaskan sea life how well they were breathing after the Exxon Valdez spill. Fish don’t absorb oxygen through their skin, they use their gills — and I think I’ve already thoroughly debunked the “humans with gills” scenario before.

Lois tracks the scientist to a cement company, but he’s not there anymore. The mobsters grab some cement and seal off all the nearby water fountains Lois sneaks into a car repair shop and pays the mechanics drain the radiator water on her.

Reality Check:Radiator fluid is mostly water, so this makes a little more sense. It’s not pure water and contains ethylene glycol and other chemicals, so I definitely would’t drink it, but it shouldn’t be much of a danger to the skin.

Next Lois tracks the scientist to a warehouse, but once again he has left before arrived. Knowing that her hour is almost up, the crooks destroy all the nearby water sources. Lois runs into the warehouse where they conveniently store violins next to mercury thermometers. She grabs a violin and plays a note high enough to burst the thermometers. The mercury pours on her and she’s safe for another hour.

Reality Check: Mercury is liquid metal element and has no oxygen in it. It’s also highly toxic.

Meanwhile, the scientist has hopped aboard a chartered plane to a pen convention. Lois climbs aboard a second flight chartered for the same convention. Thirsty, Lois asks the stewardess for some water, but the mobsters have drained all of the plane’s drinking water. Luckily, Clark Kent happens to be aboard this plane and comes up with an idea. He persuades everyone on the plane to empty their pens into his hat, which Lois immerses her face in. She’s safe again, though now stained blue by the ink.

Reality Check: Inks are composed of particles of pigment suspended in a liquid. It could be water, alcohol or some other liquid. Also, apparently just immersing her face gets her enough oxygen…

When Clark and Lois finally track down the elusive scientist at the convention, he reports that the cure is simple: drink a glass of water. Lois is saved, but as usual, Clark has the last word (or thought):

Clark Kent: I could have devised a super cleanser for Lois, but this should teach her not to be so impulsive in the future! The blue ink stains won’t fade away for another week!