Many of my patients like to come in and tell me a joke or two. Sometimes, these jokes are actually funny. Being the generous soul I am, I figured I’d take a moment and share some of these jokes with you when I get a chance.

This one was told to me last week by a sweet little old lady.

An elderly lady was cleaning her attic when she came across a rusty old lamp. Just as she started to rub the grime off of the lamp, a genie appeared. He offered to grant her three wishes.
“I wish my house was as clean and new as it was fifty years ago,” she said. Poof! Her house was beautiful, clean and brand new.
“I wish I was as beautiful and young as I was fifty years ago,” she said. Poof! There was now a beautiful young lady where a wrinkled woman had been.
“You have one wish left,” said the genie.
The woman looked around and spied her cat. “I wish that my cat was Prince Charming!”
Poof! The cat turned into a tall, handsome and well-dressed prince.
The prince looked at her, looked down at himself, and then looked back at her and sadly shook his head. “Should never have had me neutered,” he said.

Being a fan of alternate history and super-heroes, I enjoyed Planet of the Capes. It’s certainly not a “happily ever after” book, but then it never pretends to be one.

The book tells of four super-heroes from an alternate Earth who find themselves transported to our Earth. Each of the characters is clearly based on a classic comic icon, though with an interesting twist or two thrown in.

The art, initially, is black and white. The tone of the book at this point is very somber, so the simple color scheme fits it well. The middle section reverts to color. “Reverts,” because this section looks back on these characters’ “Silver Age” and all the comic-book baggage that implies. The final third of the book turns somber again and returns to black and white.

The art by Brandon McKinney is well-done and adds to the story. I particularly enjoyed his black and white sequences. Larry Young’s writing is what really grabbed my attention. In a brief encounter with an autograph seeker, the four heroes reveal more about themselves than pages of expository dialogue ever could. There is some nice foreshadowing thrown in as well in the articles showing in the fan’s scrapbook.

There are undoubtedly deeper meanings written into the characters and plot. Because that sort of interpretation is not mt forte, I’m not going to dwell on that aspect. If you want that, go read Dave or Steve and Rose…they’re good at it. I’m not a comic book scholar (well, except maybe Hawk and Dove). What I am is a comic book fan and a super-hero fan. On that level, I certainly enjoyed this book.

My only real gripe is that it was too short. I would have liked to see more of the characters. Not necessarily on our Earth, but more stories on theirs. But I think that’s the alternate history fan talking again…

It’s that time of the month again. Time to see what bizarre searches led people across this wide old internet to Polite Dissent:

The most common searches were Bwana Beast, She-Hulk, Kim Possible (and her various friends and enemies), Pica (especially ice, laundry starch and cardboard), and Dungeons and Dragons adeventures (particularly The Forgotten Temple of Tharzidun). I think I hit a nerve talking about Dave Trampier’s comic strip Wormy because that was a big hit as well. Sadly, I had only one search this month looking for Zatanna naked, and none looking for her in culottes.

rarest disease I’d stick with Kuru, the brain disease transmitted by eating other people’s brains.

obsequious spleen disorder Exactly how can a spleen be obsequious?

useful sentence for conversation in coffee shop Would you like a biscotti with that?

blog gorilla comic library You’re probably looking for Yet Another Comics Blog and his monkey cover Sundays.

empty narcotic bottles on e-bay Every month somebody is searching for this. Why?

correspondance school appliance repair This is a comic book and medical blog; Sally Struthers is not mentioned anywhere.

heimlich maneuver talespin “Baloo, help! I’m choking!”

best neurosurgeon 2004 I’m not sure the best neurosurgeon of 2004 is, but I can tell you that Thomas Elliot is the “best neurosurgeon in the world!” (And remember, the phrase “best neurosurgeon in the world” is © and ™ 2004 by Polite Dissent)

Finally, here are the searches I can’t even begin to explain:

lettuce sedation iceberg allergy

non-cartoon bacteria medium

when will you humans learn feelings

Make sure you check out Hi & Lois today (2 Nov 04), where Thirsty wants a cartoon character to vote for…well here’s his chance (and yours!)…VOTE VOODOO!!

UPDATE: If you’re having trouble viewing the comic strip, it’s most likely due to anti-viral/firewall software. Disable it (briefly! briefly!) and then retry.

I was puzzled. Someone ended up on Polite Dissent looking for a Dr. Seuss poster about malaria. A tropical disease…and a children’s book author. This seemed preposterous, yet somehow intriguing. I did a little research and it turns out that Dr. Seuss did write an educational piece about malaria for the U.S. Army during World War II.

This is Ann…she drinks blood.
Her full name is Anopheles Mosquito
and she’s dying to meet you!

The classic Dr. Seuss rhyme scheme is missing, but the whimsy of the piece and the art are unmistakably his. The information is a little dated (it is sixty years old, after all), but it’s still a fascinating read.

Courtesy of the USDA’s Diptera Site (”Information About the World’s Flies”), I bring you Ann by Dr. Seuss

Strange #2
J. Michael Straczynski and Sara Barnes, writers
Brandon Peterson, penciler

This review relies fairly heavily on the anatomy of the hand. I’ve included several anatomical drawings — click on the smaller images for a larger annotated version.

Strange #2 was much better than the first issue. The story and art were improved (though not as good as Lee and Ditko’s original), and the medical aspect was better thought out. My only major medical gripes were a couple of typos due to poor editing. There were some smaller nit-picks too, of course.

First, Brandon Peterson does a very good job with the art (from the medical perspective at least). His drawings of Stephen Strange in the ICU are nearly perfect. All the tubes and wires are accurate. My only nit-pick is why is Strange in a halo brace? A broken neck was never mentioned.

The broken leg, the fractured hip, those will keep you in a chair for a couple of months, but you should recover fully.

He should be restricted to a chair for a couple of weeks, not a couple of months. On the other hand, it could be a very complex fracture.

The right palmar carpal ligament was torn. Three fingers on your right hand were broken, with two on the left seriously dislocated. Two broken metacarpals in each hand, a communited [sic] fracture of the right index metacarpal, and – -

To begin with, it’s comminuted, not communited. (A comminuted fracture is one where the bone has been shattered into small pieces.)

The doctor is saying that Strange tore a superficial ligament on his right palm and broke two of the hand bones (or maybe three, is the comminuted metacarpal in addition to the “two broken metacarpals?”). Three fingers were broken as well. Figure 1 shows the bones, and Figure 2 shows the ligament. As a nit-pick, a doctor — especially when talking to another doctor — would say where the finger was broken (i.e. “shattered distal phalanx” and not just “broken finger.”

- – the median nerve and flexor tendons in of your right hand were both transected. Practically shredded.

There’s some poor editing here. Is it “in” or “of”? Either would make sense, but not both. The median nerve travels down the middle of the wrist (see Figure 2). There are ten flexor tendons in each hand — two for each digit. Is he saying that all ten were cut, or just a few? If all the tendons and the median nerve were severed, then the injury most likely happened at the wrist crease on the palm side. This is consistent with the fact that his palmar carpal ligament was ripped. As a nit-pick, there are also many important blood vessels there. It seems unlikely that Strange would “shred” tendons and nerves but not permanently damage the arteries.

The doctor goes on to say that Strange should be able to regain the use of 50 -60% of his hand function with therapy, and that therapy will start as soon as the stitches are out. The median nerve innervates some very important parts of the hand (see Figure 3). Small nerves that are severed can regenerate, but not one as large as the median nerve. A fifty to sixty percent recovery is overly optimistic.

The only stitches Strange would have would be non-removable sutures used to repair the cut tendons. His hand wounds themselves would not have been stitched closed. Hand wounds are not closed if more than six hours have passed since the time of injury because of the high risk of serious infection. Since nobody knows how long Strange had been lying injured in the snow, no physician would take the risk to sew his wounds closed. He should be able to begin therapy ASAP (or at least as soon as the swelling goes down).

Finally, I’ve taken a piece of classic Ditko Dr. Strange art and indicated on it where his injuries most likely were located.

Anatomical drawing are by Frank Netter and from Netter’s Atlas of Human Anatomy. The image of Dr. Strange is by Steve Ditko and from Strange Tales #137 (this black and white image is from Essential Doctor Strange Volume #1)

Tarascon is a small publisher that produces an array of pocket-sized medical reference books. My favorite is the Tarascon Pocket Pharmacopeia, a small book that contains all the information about prescription drugs any medical professional could ever need (also good for any writer who needs to know about drug names and doses). It comes in a small “shirt-pocket classic edition” and a larger “lab-coat pocket edition” (my personal favorite).

A new edition is published every year, and hidden deep within the small print of the indicia is a trivia question. If you’re one of the first 25 people to answer it correctly, you get your name in print and win a free copy of the next year’s edition. So far, I’ve gotten it right three times (but the first time I wasn’t one of the first 25). How many of these can you answer?

Notes:

1. No, I won’t post this year’s question until next year…no cheating! Plus I haven’t figured out the answer yet.
2. Each version (the shirt pocket and lab-coat pocket) has their own question. With the exception of #5, these questions are from the larger lab-coat edition.
3. I knew the correct answers to #1, #3, and #5.
4. I’ll post answers later for any question that no one’s figured out.

Questions:

1. Who, when taunted in a Doonsebury comic, responded as follows: “I think it is false and libelous, but I’m flattered by the attention.”
2. Name whose career evolved from twin to crime fighter.
3. Whose first command went down the drain because of some grain?
4. Whose musical talent was lacking because of some quacking?
5. When will Don go back to Annandale?

Ilyka Damen has the best after-election post that I’ve read. Addressed to both the left and the right — and to bloggers in particular — it really applies to all of us.

Ilyka doesn’t post as often as I’d like (hint, hint), but when she does it’s always worth reading.

Exhausted after preparing the Strange #2 medical review last night (anatomy was always my worst class), I’m just going to post some interesting link blogging today.

Thursday Blog-o-bits:

• For all you (other) eBay fanatics, here is a link to Weird Al’s eBay song [ed. note: link is long gone now], including audio and lyrics. Comic books are not referenced, but Shatner and Alf are. Courtesy of AMCGLTD.com
• The Latin Motto Page. If you ever need something to look especially impressive, just add a latin motto. This site lists several dozen mottos, including the ever popular Moritori te salutamus (”We who are about to die salute you”). Don’t laugh. I’ve used this page to fancy up various school projects and short stories over the years.
• Lorem Ipsum. This page gives a history of the use of “lorem ipsum…” as the standard dummy text of typesetters starting in the 16th century. It’s still used today as dummy texts in various background shots, illustrations, etc. Also included is a Lorem Ipsum generator:
  

  Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Maecenas sollicitudin. Vestibulum laoreet eros id felis. Donec risus purus, elementum a, pulvinar ut, sodales et, sem. Etiam purus. Pellentesque eu dolor. Ut sed sem. Aliquam sed dui ac metus rhoncus sagittis. Nullam nec turpis fringilla dolor blandit fringilla. Aliquam vehicula. Duis feugiat mollis ante. Curabitur tristique elementum nunc. Nunc sed orci. Nam id metus. Ut porttitor, mi sed ultricies aliquet, nisl mi elementum libero, in imperdiet odio turpis ac ligula. Fusce leo. Ut consequat urna ac tellus. Donec non diam. Maecenas ac leo.

• Logical Fallacies. Want to look smart when arguing? Want to put some hot-shot in their place? Well then this site is the perfect place for you. It lists the most common (OK, even uncommon) logical fallacies (including Slippery Slope, Ad Hominem , Hasty Generalization and Straw Man) and tells you how to recognize and rebut them.
• Odds of Dying. This educational site lists the odds of dying a variety of deaths, such as dying in a streetcar accident (1 in 95,031,271), drowning (1 in 690,300), dying from a dog bite (1 in 11,403,753), dying due to a bee sting (1 in 6,630,089), and legal execution (1 in 4,525,299).

Remember back to Teen Titans #25, when Robin quit the Titans and the rest of the group vowed never to wear their costumes again? Here it is three issues later, only the second storyline since taking their vow, and they’re back in costume with Robin at their side. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Teen Titans #28, “Blindspot”, starts as Sharon, a young woman walking through the park at night, stumbles upon a horrible secret. Screaming, she runs back to her apartment. Unfortunately, in all the excitement she dropped her purse and the criminals are able to find out where she lives. Luckily, Aqualad is at her apartment looking for her roommate Donna Troy when the thugs show up. Aqualad throws them out the window and relocates Sharon to the Titan’s headquarters for safety. Sadly, the horror of what she witnessed in the park has blocked the memory from her mind. Unable to find the other Titans, Aqualad tracks down Robin at Hudson University. Robin takes him to Mr. Jupiter’s estate where the other Titans are staying. Frustrated that he can’t convince the Titans to help him, Aqualad manages to talk them into donning their costumes and talking to Sharon in an attempt to find out what she saw in the park. Lilith uses her mystical power to read Sharon’s mind and discovers that she saw grotesque aliens masquerading as humans. Aqualad wants to run out and hunt for these aliens, but the Titans remind him of their vow. Angrily, he stalks out to solve the mystery himself, but is clubbed from behind, tied to a tree and left to die. The villain is revealed to be Aquaman’s (and Aqualad’s) arch enemy Ocean Master.

In Teen Titans #29, “Captives”, Kid Flash, Wonder Girl and Speedy all show up in the nick of time — and in costume — to rescue Aqualad. They tell him that they decided “to forget about our vow, at least for the present!” Meanwhile, Hawk and Dove return to Sharon’s apartment, hoping to lure the thugs back there. Their plan works too well and Hawk is overwhelmed and knocked unconscious. Dove enlists the help of the other Titans to rescue his brother, but in the end Hawk and Dove still manage to get captured by Ocean Master and taken to his underground lair. Using their powers, the brothers manage to escape and confront Ocean Master and his alien allies. Just when Hawk and Dove are about to be defeated, the rest of the Titans bust in and the criminals and aliens are all captured. At the end of the issue, Aqualad tries to convince the Titans to give up their vow but they refuse. Sadly, he leaves them behind telling them, “I can see that you’ve learned something from this adventure! But the way I see it, you haven’t learned enough!”

The art is generally quite good. Nick Cardy does an excellent job using varying angles and perspective to keep the panels interesting. His dramatic use of shadows adds a layer of suspense to the plot. Sadly, his aliens are less than inspired. They have a distinctive Silver Age Marvel look to them and could easily have stepped from the pages of Fantastic Four.

The story, by original Hawk and Dove scribe Steve Skeates, is too full of coincidences. A young woman just happens to be walking through a park at precisely the right moment to come across aliens disguising themselves as human (and why would the aliens use a public venue to make the change when they have a secret hideout?). This same young woman just happens to be Donna Troy’s roommate. Aqualad just happens to choose the perfect minute to visit Donna. The villain just happens to be Aqualad’s arch enemy Ocean Master. More importantly, the way the Titans so easily and completely (and frequently) change their minds about their supposedly sacrosanct vow never rings true and undermines the “seriousness” of this vow (and all the stories that spring from it).

Hawk and Dove manage to get some nice action scenes in this story. Unlike previous Titans stories, their original personalities resurface and they repeatedly butt heads over their philosophical differences. Ultimately, Dove joins Hawk in attacking the aliens, figuring that violence in this instance is fine because the villains aren’t human.

This is the Hawk and Dove’s last appearance as main characters in this edition of the Teen Titans. They appear in an original back-up story in issue #31 and a reprint back-up story in issue #39. They do make some appearances when the Teen Titans is relaunched in 1977, but that is seven years down the line. The Teen Titans themselves last for two and a half more years, but the series ends at #43 in 1973.

Full Metal Alchemist starts tonight this weekend! This is an excellent anime series and definitely worth catching from the start! It’s followed by Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex, another excellent anime.

UPDATE: Well, I tried to watch it, but couldn’t find it. Instead, I was treated to Johnny Bravo. The Full Metal Alchemist site and Cartoon Network don’t agree on when it is on, and the Cartoon Network schedule doesn’t match what was actually shown. It’s unclear if it’s on the 5th or the 6th. I withdraw my recommendation until this mess can be sorted out.

UPDATED UPDATE: Managed to track down and watch both Full Metal Alchemist and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex. They Cartoon Network and Full Metal ALchemist site were both wrong. It is on Saturday, 11PM (central time).

I spent the day with my partner and our nurse and office manager at the Peoria Women’s Lifestyle Show. To keep me sane, I dragged the poor Polite-Wife along. I also did something I rarely do: I wore a tie. Not just any tie, but a great one that shows the gameboard from Operation. If I have to wear a tie, it’s that one.

I think we did well and it looks like we interested quite a number of patients in our small-town practice. Many of the people in Pekin work in Peoria, and I don’t think that it ever occurred to them that Pekin actually has doctors and they don’t need to drive to Peoria for medical care.

We offered information on women’s health, plus handouts on pregnancy and pediatric wellness. We also offered blood pressure screenings and I offered a quick depression screen (I used a slightly modified version of the Zung screening form, an online version can be found here).

UPDATE: I forgot to mention that the booth directly behind us was for the Peoria Civic Center’s “Broadway Series.” They played the soundtrack to Mama Mia over and over and over. If I never hear another Abba song, I’ll die a happy man.

Afterwards, the Polite-Wife and I went to Kelleher’s, a nice Irish Pub on the Peoria riverfront, and had an excellent meal. I was ecstatic to discover they carried my favorite beer Paulaner. I know it’s German and not Irish, but it’s simply the best hefeweizen available. Sadly, it’s hard to find in America. (Yes, Jon, I know you can get it in Indy.)

Warning. Soapbox begins here.
There were quite a number of people at the show who, unasked, came up and gave us their views on vaccinations. Personally, I think vaccines are one of the greatest medical advances of all time. I am fully behind all rigorously tested and approved vaccines. If they’re on the “required” vaccination list, I urge my patients to get them.
I understand that there are people who do not share this belief in vaccinations. In some cases, this is due to a religious objection. I can understand that. What worries me is the growing number of parents who do not vaccinate their children because they are misled or deceived by bad information and unscientific fear mongering.
Ironically, much of this can be blamed on our own success. Most people in this country have never seen a case of polio, or even measles or mumps. Iron lungs and a wheelchair-bound President are things of the past. Deaths from measles, birth defects caused by rubella, and post-mumps sterility are unknown to today’s parents. Sadly, as vaccination rates drop, the incidence of these diseases sky-rockets. Just ask Great Britain, which has seen a dramatic rise in the number of measles cases — and deaths — because of a decline in the number of vaccinated children. Thankfully, America is not to that point…yet.

Soapbox #2.
There was a group at the show selling the “nutritional supplement” Juice Plus. I was content to leave them well enough alone until one of them spotted my physician’s name badge and walked up to me. She asked: “Are you familiar with Juice Plus?”
“Yes, I am,” I replied.
“Then certainly, Doctor,” she said loudly. “You recommend Juice Plus in order to give your patients all the important vitamins and nutrients they need.”
“I do not recommend Juice Plus at all,” I responded calmly. “It is simply an overpriced supplement offering what can be more simply and cheaply obtained by eating a healthy diet. It offers misleading and unscientific evidence as so-called proof, and is really no more than a fancy pyramid scheme.”
I don’t think she liked my answer.
Hint: Don’t puts words in mouth, you won’t like the results.
</soapbox>

In college, I was looking to expand my horizons. While I enjoyed super-hero comics, I wanted to try something different. My local shop was small and didn’t carry many independent publishers. They carried some manga, but I had looked through it occasionally and it had never held my attention (nothing of interest ever seemed to happen in Mai, the Psychic Girl and the same thing happened every month in Area 88 — in this issue they fly panes from a secret desert base and defeat other planes. They then return to base and gripe). However, there was one comic that always caught my eye with its fetching alien princess on every cover. Eventually, I succumbed to its siren lure, picked it up, and bought it. I was instantly hooked. I had discovered Outlanders.

Outlanders was a manga by Johji Manabe published by Dark Horse and Studio Proteus in the early 1990s. It tells the story of Princess Kahm, wayward heir of the galaxy spanning Santovasku Empire. She has led an armada to rediscover their legendary home planet — Earth — only to find it “infested”by humans. Enraged, they begin to attack the Earth in order to wipe out all the humans. Photographer Tetsuya finds himself in the middle of the battle and is nearly decapitated by a sword-wielding Kahm. Something about him interests her, and she takes him back to her flagship. Eventually the two of them fall in love, and with the help of some bizarre allies, travel back to Santovasku itself in an attempt to stop the destruction of Earth. This is an incredibly simplified plot summary, leaving out the Byzantine political maneuverings of both the Santovasku and Earth military, ancient magical conspiracies and crows.

The book is drawn in Manabe’s trademark bright and flowing style. Each character is unique in terms of both personality and depiction. His technology favors the biological over the mechanical (three words: giant goldfish speeders). The characterizations are complex and a gentle humor is a large part of the story. The romance of Tetsuya and Kahm is handled well and drives the comic to its logical conclusion. The script and art can be humorous or serious as the scene demands.

Like most manga from the ’90s, the book is printed in flipped left-to-right style and published in comic book size. Outlanders is 33 issues long, plus there is a zero issue, a special edition, and an epilogue. Dark Horse had put a series of six trade paperbacks reprinting the series, but I’m not sure if they are still in print.

In my opinion, this was Johji Manabe’s best work. His other comics, including Caravan Kidd and Orion are interesting and fun to read, but not as enjoyable on so many levels that Outlanders was.

Outlanders was turned into an OAV about ten years ago, but the movie is just fair because too much of the clever characterizations and epic plot is left out to squeeze the story into two hours.

There are three movies that, no matter how many times I have seen them in the past, I will sit and watch them again if I come across them while flipping through the channels. The house could catch on fire, and I would still feel obligated to watch the movie to the end. These are my top Guilty Pleasure Movies:

Smokey and the Bandit (1977). Starring Burt Reynolds, Sally Field, Jerry Reed and Jackie Gleason. For the six of you unfamiliar with the plot, Bandit (Reynolds) and his truck-driver pal Snowman (Reed) are hired to drive from Atlanta to Texarkana, pick up 400 cases of Coors beer, and bring it back to Atlanta (at this point it was illegal to sell Coors east of the Mississippi). Along the way, they pick up a runaway bride (Field) and dodge an obsessive southern sheriff (Gleason). I must have seen this movie at least a hundred times, yet I still watch it again and again. It is the quintessential Burt Reynolds film — back when he still had all his charm and most of his own hair. For my generation, this movie is what Reynolds, Fields and Gleason are known for, not their previous TV and movie work. The sequels are not worth mentioning.

Support Your Local Sheriff (1969). Starring James Garner, Jack Elam, Joan Hackett, Walter Brennan, Harry Morgan and Bruce Dern. James Garner plays a traveling gunman who is hired to be the sheriff of a small western Gold Rush town menaced by the Danby family. The movie is hilarious and full of memorable moments. James Garner underplays his role to perfection, and Walter Brennan (as Pa Danby) and Bruce Dern (as his dimwitted son Joe) are equally hilarious. Check out the “Memorable Quotes Page” from the IMDB for a good idea of the flavor of this under-rated gem. There is no sequel, but Garner, Elam and Morgan star in the vaguely related film Support Your Local Gunfighter — it’s also worth seeing, once.

The Blues Brothers (1980). Starring a whole bunch of people, most notably John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd. Based on the Saturday Night Live characters of the same name; Jake and Elwood Blues must raise enough many to save the orphanage they grew up in. Many memorable lines and scenes — everyone has their own favorite (just a hint: I won a prize at a trivia contest by knowing what SCMODS stands for). Another of the movies that defines my generation. Skip the sequel.

This week’s MedBlogs Grand Rounds is up. Grand Rounds is a weekly compilation of interesting articles of a medical natures throughout the blogosphere. I’m pleased to say that Polite Dissent is one of the featured blogs this week. Grand Rounds is hosted by GruntDoc this week, an interesting medical blog well worth reading on its own.

Manhunter #3 “Dark Shadows”
Marc Andreyko, writer
Jesus Saiz, artist

At the end of the previous issue, Kate Spencer’s son Ramsey injured himself while playing around with her crime fighting equipment. In the beginning of this issue, he’s rushed to the hospital by ambulance.

Paramedic #1: What’s his status?
Paramedic #2: Boy, age 6, suffered severe force trauma in an explosion. B.P. is 60 over 80 and falling. Possible internal bleeding and…

This is an impossible blood pressure. The top number in the blood pressure is the systolic blood pressure. This is the blood pressure when the heart is beating. It is the maximum arterial pressure. The bottom number is the diastolic blood pressure –the blood pressure when the heart is relaxed. It is the minimum arterial pressure. An average blood pressure is 120/80. For an adult, anything over 140 systolic or 90 diastolic is considered high blood pressure (though we call it hypertension because it sounds cooler). Looking at the scene from Manhunter, Ramsey’s blood pressure is 60/80. In other words, his maximum blood pressure is lower than his minimum blood pressure. The paramedics probably just switched the numbers around, but it’s an impossible blood pressure as it’s written.

Doctor: Ramsey has suffered a severe concussion.
Kate: Meaning what exactly?
Doctor: Meaning that he is experiencing some severe brain swelling. The drugs we’re giving him did not slow it down, so we had to perform brain surgery to relieve the pressure in his skull.

A concussion is also known as a mild traumatic brain injury. There are a variety of definitions for concussion, but the simplest is a post-traumatic alteration of mental status, with or without the loss of consciousness. Over the past several years, the medical field has realized that concussions are not as minor as originally thought and can have lasting effects. The most dangerous situation is when a person suffers a second concussion while still recovering from their first. This is known as Second Injury Syndrome and can be fatal.

That being said, as injured as Ramsey is, he clearly suffered something more than a mere concussion. It sounds like he most likely suffered a brain contusion (a bruise of the brain itself) in addition to a concussion. Brain swelling is common with such contusions. Despite what the doctor implies, neurosurgical intervention is commonly used as an early treatment in such brain injuries before stronger (and riskier) medications are used. The doctor probably just called Ramsey’s injury a concussion to make it easier for the parents to understand. He still shouldn’t have made “brain surgery” sound as dramatic as he did.

Doctor: I can’t say for certain, but his age is a plus. Children tend to bounce back from serious injuries more quickly than adults. These first 24 hours will be the barometer for his recovery.

The doctor is absolutely right here. Children have a tremendous recuperative ability. The first twenty-four hours after a severe injury — especially a brain injury — are very important and are a good indicator of how recovery will proceed.

I need to add that Siaz’s art was excellent, including his depiction of the ambulance, hospital and all the assorted medical paraphernalia.

As a final thought, the nurse who called the reporter is not only due to be fired for violating patient confidentiality, but is also due for a hefty federal fine and jail time for violating HIPAA. I wouldn’t be so smug and open about accepting money from that reporter if I were her.

More Information:
1. Medical Dictionary definition of systolic and diastolic.
2. My comments about Manhunter #1 (legal concerns, not medical this time).
3. More on comic book head injuries (from my post on the Justice League)
4. The full text of the Health Inurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (for those of you with insomnia or lots of time to kill)

The second story in Teen Titans #31 (January/February 1971) is the last original Hawk and Dove appearance that will be printed for six years. Given the deplorable stories in their recent outings with the Titans, and the quality of this story here, it’s frankly a surprise that they were brought back at all.

As “From 1 to 20” begins, Hank is prowling the city streets and alleys with a pair of binoculars looking for a crime he can stop as Hawk. He sees a suspicious man walk up to a newsstand, but instead of robbing it, he buys a poetry magazine. Hank notices that the customer received $20 in change for a $1 magazine and figures that this is some kind of shakedown operation. He changes into Hawk and trails the man. A mugging derails him and he loses sight of the customer.

A short time later he runs into Don and describes the situation. They scope out the newsstand and see the same man come up and buy a second poetry magazine. By this time Don has figured out what’s going on, and he and Hawk capture both the customer and the newsstand owner. It turns out the newsstand was the front for a counterfeiting gang. Thus one of the gang’s thugs would come by, pay $1 for a poetry magazine and get a counterfeit $20 back in change. This was how the gang got their funny money on circulation.

Convoluted and credibility straining isn’t it? Rube Goldberg could have come up with a simpler plan.

The art by George Tuska is better than the story deserves, with nice use of non-standard panels and shadows to draw the eye. Sadly, he does give Don his worst outfit yet, with an orange tie at least as wide as his head. Now combine this with a maroon suit, blue shirt and tan belt. No wonder the girls prefered Hank.

I’ll admit that it’s nice to see some attention paid to the Hank/brawn, Don/brains dichotomy again, but not at the expense of plot. Steve Skeates, who was the one of the creators of Hawk and Dove, supplied this story. Even though he helped create the duo, he wrote some of the worst stories for them. The entire counterfeiting plot is simply asinine and hurts to think too much about. A gang spends its time counterfeiting $20 bills instead $50s or $100s? Then their idea of a clever plan to get the $20s into circulation is to have one of their muscle-bound goons buy a poetry magazine at one of their newsstands and get the counterfeit $20 in change? Surely there are easier and less conspicuous ways of carrying this off. Ouch! Now I thought too much about it and my brain hurts.

Sadly — as poor as it is — the Hawk and Dove tale is still much better than the Teen Titans main story. Unless you are a Teen Titans fetishist, I wouldn’t recommend this issue, even if you see it in the quarter box.

First, thanks to James Lucas Jones and Oni Press for providing my office waiting room with a nice stash of comics and graphic novels. We’ve already had a great deal of postive feedback, particularly on Alison Dare and Courtney Crumrin .

Thanks to Mike for finding those reprints of Psychoanalysis for me.

Finally, thanks to the International Comic Arts Association, writer J. Torres and publisher Oni Press for giving me a free copy of the Scandalous graphic novel. Set in Hollywood during the McCarthy era, it is a very entertaining mix of politics, gossip and celebrity. (I notice that Erin, a.k.a. the Comic Queen, won a copy of Scandalous too. This is at least her second time winning…I think she has an in with the people at ICAA.)

Now that my thank-you are done, I’m going to go fire up the X-box and play some Halo 2 so I can get enough practice to squash the surgeon who beat me so soundly at the original Halo. You know who you are — your days are numbered!

A special thanks to all Veterans, past and present, and to all my friends still serving in the Armed Forces.

Since it’s Veteran’s Day, I thought it would be a good time to share one of my more memorable days in the Air Force Medical Corps. While this story does not deal with battlefield medicine, it does highlight some of the differences between civilian and military medicine.

It was the first Sunday in March. I was deployed to a small air base in the Middle East with the 820th RED HORSE, a group of construction engineers. We were halfway through a six-month deployment designed to improve the local infrastructure and air fields. I was the only physician assigned to RED HORSE (though there was another doc who took care of the rest of the base). I had two excellent medics working under me, and we had been able to keep the injuries and sicknesses to a minimum despite the construction crews working round the clock, seven days a week.

It had been a quiet Sunday morning in the medical tent so far. I was finishing the medical portion of our weekly situation report and thinking about that night’s midnight meal. Sunday was the one night a week the mess hall made waffles. This far from home, good food was always welcome and the waffles they made were unbelievably good. A sudden call over the radio broke my reverie.

“Man down at the checkpoint!” the radio blared. “Trapped under a concrete-”

I grabbed my kit and was out the door before the sentence had finished. The checkpoint was about ¾ of a mile away over desert terrain and I was running full tilt. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a pickup crossing the sand in the same direction. Our vice-commander was driving and heading the same place I was. He slowed down and I jumped in the cab and we sped off to the checkpoint.

Once we got there, the source of the call was clear. A concrete road barrier had fallen over, trapping the entire right leg of John, one of our younger troops. As we arrived, a group of soldiers had managed to lift off the heavy block. A quick exam showed that his leg looked intact though the ankle was clearly pointing in the wrong direction. About this time the ambulance pulled up and Jesse, my senior medic, hopped out. After a second quick exam, we got John splinted, strapped onto a stretcher and loaded in the back of the ambulance. Jesse and I climbed in back with him while the driver got in front and we raced off.

Read more…

The Batman was a the only new run super-hero cartoon today. “The Big Heat” featured Firefly as the villain. It was a decent episode — nothing special, but certainly watchable. Having Adam West provide the voice for the mayor of Gotham City was a nice touch. (And a hint to the writers/artists: infrared shows heat sources, not ultraviolet).

The Teen Titans, “Haunted”, was a repeat episode. Robin is having hallucinations (or is he?) that Slade is still alive. A so-so episode, only saved by the last minute reveal.

“The Greatest Story Never Told” was on Justice League Umlimited this evening. It’s a repeat, but definitely worth watching. The JLU does a good job of combining humor with story and action, as shown by this episode (the second best so far) and “This Little Piggy”, the best one so far. Lots of good lines and inside jokes in this episode. Here’s my original review.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch Full Metal Alchemist and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex

JSA #67 “The Autopsy”
Geoff Johns, writer
Dave Gibbons, penciler

Despite the title, surprisingly little of the book is actually concerned with the autopsy. Most of the book deals with the various members of the JSA coming to terms with Sue Dibny’s death. It makes a good story, but I was looking forward to some good forensic science. Oh well…

A more in-depth autopsy is shown in the pages of Identity Crisis #2.

Only four items of medical interest are mentioned in this issue:

1. “Spectral analysis of her blood vessels did not reveal much.” (This is hardly a surprise given that this is simply Grade-A technobabble. How can you analyze the spectrum of something buried deep within other tissues in the body? Even if it could possibly work, no useful information would be gained.)
2. The toxicology reports are negative.
3. Sue Dibny was not burned to death and did not die because of smoke inhalation. (Dr. Mid-Nite knows this because “her lungs are pink.” This is legitimate reasoning in regards to smoke inhalation, but is not necessarily correct in regards to burning to death. If the fire were hot enough and fast enough there would not have been enough time to breathe in soot to darken the lungs.)
4. Dr. Mid-Nite sees something under the microscope that reveals who the killer of Sue Dibny is (but, of course, that’s not divulged here.)

Due to the fact that I have a very sick patient in the hospital (a probable Hyperosmolar Hyperglycemic Nonketotic Coma), my blogging will be limited today. Basically just some site updates:

1. In a gesture of goodwill to heal the political rift in this fine nation of ours, I have taken down the Brother Voodoo banner. His site can still be reached, and he wants me to let you know not only to look for him in 2008, but that he’s available as a motivational speaker for lectures, seminars, conventions and bar mitzvahs.
2. The Blogroll has been updated, adding many long-deserving comic bloggers as well as a few medical bloggers to the list. I also added a few links concerning my preoccupation with bad and misleading statistics. Sadly, in an effort to keep the list somewhat short, the names of those blogs on hiatus have been (temporarily) removed — return to blogging, and your name shall one again grace my list (hint, hint).
3. That is all. Nothing to see here. Move along please.

UPDATE 15 November 2004: Got home at 5AM this morning after spending all night taking care of a seriously ill patient. Ultimately had to transfer her to a larger facility. Of course, it always happens on Monday because that’s the busiest day in the clinic. Right now, I’m surviving on sugar, adrenaline and caffeine. I have no idea how I was able to pull this off 2 or 3 days a week during residency.

The Polite-Wife surprised me by stopping by the Family Practice office after she got off work today. She accomplished the impossible: she found me a bag of Dem Bones (apparently another teacher at the school had an extra bag)!

Heaven! (Particularly after the day and night I’ve had!)

One of my favorite guilty pleasure mystery series is the Stephanie Plum series by Janet Evanovich.

Stephanie Plum is a chronically out of work Jersey girl who takes a job as a “bail enforcement agent” (i.e. bounty hunter) for her cousin, a bail bondsman. In the process of attempting to track down the “skips” she always manages to find herself caught up in one mystery or another.

Romantic entanglements come courtesy of Joe Morelli, a high-school flame of Stephanie’s who is now a police officer, and Ranger, another bounty hunter.

There are a number of hilarious secondary characters including Stephanie’ gun-toting Grandma Mazur, her wannabe lesbian sister, and Lulu, the portly ex-prostitute-now-part-time-secretary-part-time-bounty-hunter.

Humor and romance (well, “romantic hi-jinks” is probably a better term) are a large part of these book’s charm (Evanovich was originally a romance writer). The first five books are the best (the fourth, Four to Score, is my favorite). From the sixth book on, the mysteries become less compelling and Stephanie has hit the Cheers limit¹, but the books are still worth reading, for the comedy if nothing else.

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¹The Cheers limit is the time in a piece of romantic fiction where the protagonist either has to put up or shut up; the romance has been going on so long that to sustain any hint of believability a romantic liaison must take place. Sadly, this action usually dooms the series (c.v. The Moonlighting Effect and The Northern Exposure Problem). Another name for the Cheers limit is the Betty and Veronica point.

Since David Welsh is giving us some of his favorite mystery writers this week, I thought I’d chime in with some of my own overlooked mysteries that are worth the time to track down and read.

• The Brother Cadfael series, by Ellis Peters, is a captivating mystery series set in the England of the late 12th century*. Its main character is Brother Cadfael, a former crusader who is now a Benedictine monk. The mysteries themselves are well written and the history is fascinating. The first book is the probably the weakest, but still well above average. Brother Cadfael was turned into a BBC series, shown on PBS’s Mystery, that is supposed to be very well done.

• Malcolm Shuman has written a brief series of mysteries focusing on professional historian and archaeologist (but not in the Indiana Jones sense) Alan Graham, who finds himself involved in a variety of mysteries mostly around the Baton Rouge area. All of the books have a historical tie and topics covered include Meriwether Lewis (of Lewis and Clark), Jim Bowie, Indian burial grounds, Lee Harvey Oswald and the Mayans.

• Tonya Huff has a five-book series involving Victoria Nelson, a former police detective now P.I., her ex-partner and sometimes-lover Mike Celucci, and Henry FitzSimmons, a vampire “romance novelist” around since Tudor England. The books combine mystery with horror, and each book addresses a classic horror staple (i.e. demons, mummies, Frankenstei’ns monster, werewolves, etc.). A sixth book was recently published focusing on Henry and minor character Tony.

• G.K. Chesterton’s series of books and stories involving Father Brown, a quiet shabby priest who solves mysteries in an almost “by the way” manner remains a wonderful read well over a hundred years after they were written. Inexpensive because of that whole public domain thing. As a comic book reference, G.K. Chesterton is who Gilbert (aka Fiddler’s Green) is based on in the Sandman “Doll’s House” storyline.

Warning! Footnote involving a small history lesson:
*Historically, the Brother Cadfael books take place in the period of time when both Stephen and Matilda were fighting for the throne of England. Ultimately, Stephen wins, though to preserve peace Matilda’s son Henry is named as his heir. To put this is in a historical perspective, Henry is better known as Henry II, husband of Eleanor of Aquitane and father of Richard the Lion-Hearted and King John (or Magna Carta and Robin Hood fame), and murderer (albeit indirectly) of the Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket — which leads down the line to Chaucer’s Canturbery Tales. Clear as mud?

Anybody who has spent any time hanging around doctors (or reading a lot of medical blogs) will have run across the term zebra. In medical parlance, zebra is slang for a rare and unusual condition. It can have a positive connotation (usually when referring to yourself, as in “I found this incredible zebra when I was treating this patient’s cough.”) or a negative one (which is generally reserved for other people, as in ” She wastes too much time chasing zebras.”)

The term comes from one of the “laws” medical students learn in their first year of two of medical school. Unlike Sutton’s Law¹ and Occam’s Razor², this law doesn’t even have a fancy name. It’s usually referred to as the horse law, or the zebra law or the hoof beatrule.

“If you hear hoof beats, you should look for horses, not zebras.”

This rule reminds clinicians to look for the common causes of symptoms first, not the unusual ones. Sure, a nine-year old could have a thyroid condition that’s causing his sore throat, but it’s phenomenally unlikely. The odds are that he has an infectious sore throat — probably viral, maybe bacterial. A doctor should make sure all common causes are ruled out before spending time chasing rare ones.

So now the next time you hear about a medical zebra, you’ll know what it means.

UPDATE 16 Nov 2004 9:15 PM
I was watching the new medical show “House” on Fox tonight and one of the doctors (Omar Epps, I think) mentioned zebras. You heard it here first!

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¹Sutton’s Law is based on a story about Willy Sutton, a famed bank robber from early in the twentieth century. When asked why he robbed banks, he allegedly replied, “because that’s where the money is.” Therefore when performing an exam or running tests, go where the money is. If it’s a sore throat then look in the throat and check a throat culture, don’t waste time fretting over neurological reflexes or getting a urinalysis.

²Occam’s Razor (at least the medical interpretation of Occam) tells us that if a patient presents with multiple symptoms, the most likely diagnosis is the one which explains them all (or at least most of them).

I just finished reading Avengers #503, Chaos part 4, and there were several scenes that struck me as particularly awkward and ill-conceived. This isn’t an in-depth review or discussion of the comic (see the Precocious Curmudgeon or the Comic Treadmill for some good thoughts on the issue), but a look at those five scenes that caught my eye.

• In regards to Jan and Wanda’s poolside conversation, I don’t think women really talk that way. I think it’s more how men imagine women talk, not how they really do.

• Doctor Strange: “I am a practitioner of the mystic arts and I have achieved Master level.”
  This is an awkward statement that needs some more clarification. Why didn’t he just use his normal nom de guerre of “Sorcerer Supreme” which explains the situation better?
  What exactly is a Master Level sorcerer anyway? I figure that it’s one of three things:
  1. Like any other Master’s Degree, it’s an advanced degree in magic. That would make him Stephen Strange, M.D., M. Sor. He probably wrote his thesis on “The Metatextural Analysis of the Jungian System and Sexual Dynamics: a Comparison between the Books of Eibon and the Vishanti Texts.” This concept also suggests that somewhere there’s a Doctorate Level magician who’d be able to kick his butt.
  2. Like a Master Chef or a Master Carpenter (such as Norm Abrams on the New Yankee Workshop), Master Level sorcerer is a title which must be earned. He probably had to past some GRE-style test to earn the title:
     

     When faced with the minions of the dread Dormammu, your best choice of incantations is:
     A. That is not dead / which may eternal lie / and in strange aeons / even death may die
     B. By the powers that dwell in the darkness / I summon the hosts of Hoggoth
     C. For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee
     D. Wake me up before you go go / ’cause I’m not planning on going solo
     E . All your bases are belong to us

  3. Master Level sounds very reminiscent of a role-playing term, like in Dungeons & Dragons or Everquest. Remember in the old AD&D system where each level had its own title? Master Level sorcerer is probably just like a 20th level magic-user. I can imagine Dr. Strange running around shouting, “I just need five more experience points to make Master level! Has anyone seen a Mindless One I can kill?”

• Spider-Man’s comments do seem somewhat out of character (well, not out of character for the Paul Jenkin’s written Spectacular Spider-Man – some of his statements make me cringe), but I think it was more likely Spidey’s comments were taken out of context. We’ve all been in the same situation: talking to someone in a crowd when we make some stupid or inane comment just as there is a lull in conversation. Everyone turns to look at you and you do your best to take your foot out of your mouth as quickly as possible. This is what I think happened to Spider-Man.

• It seems rather condescending of Dr. Strange to dismiss Scarlet Witch as someone who was born with her powers and never earned them. Most super-heroes are born with powers, or gain them through some lucky accident. Very few earn them. Just look at the Avengers: Warbird – lucky accident, Captain America – lucky accident, Hulk -lucky accident, Firestar – born with powers, Justice – born with powers, Wasp – lucky accident (married a smart guy), Thor – born with powers, She-Hulk – lucky accident. It seems that only Hawkeye, Iron Man, and Yellow Jacket have “earned” their powers. I’m probably reading too much into this, but it just struck me as an out of character comment.

• I’m expected to believe that Captain America would hand over his mentally ill and comatose teammate to her estranged a father — a known criminal who just months before tried to destroy New York — without batting an eye? And no one else says anything, not even Nick Fury? This ending seems one of the the most unlikely parts of the entire storyline to me.

Time travel stories are one of the staples of comic books. Characters travel up and down the time stream from the distant past to the far future. Almost every character or team seems to have traveled in time: the Flash, JSA, Birds of Prey, Avengers, JLA, X-Men and even the New Warriors.

Stories set in the near future are almost always an interesting read because they show a glimpse of how a character’s life might turn out. This is the reason almost all DC’s Armageddon 2001 Annuals were good — unlike the mini-series itself, and unlike most other themed annuals. Stories set farther in the future are not always as good becuuse the writer needs to establish a frame of reference so the readers can relate to the new setting. Sometimes this is done well (almost all Legion of Super-Heroes stories); sometimes it’s not (the DC One-Million stories). Most comic book futures seem to be portrayed as dark and grim, and the heroes must work to prevent that particular future from occurring (a la Days of Future Past). Rarely have there been any particularly happy futures.

Time traveling to the past presents its own complications. That whole concept of whether changes made in the past will affect the future is always a stumbling block. The trouble with most of these time travel stories is that they don’t change the status quo. Admittedly, sometimes the entire story is set up so the heroes have to fight to maintain the status quo (the “Must Shoot Abe Lincoln” issues of Plastic Man are probably the best recent example.) Have there been any comic stories where characters have traveled into the past and actually significantly changed things in the present? Like Marty McFly did in Back to the Future — he ended up with cool parents and a new truck. Has that ever happened in comics?

Quick medical terminology pet peeve:

The suffix -itis indicates an inflammation of something. Thus tonsilitis is inflammation of the tonsils, otitis is inflammation of the ear, appendicitis is inflammation of the appendix, and so on.

The prefix hypo- means a low level of something. For example, hypothyroidism is a low level of thyroid hormone and hypoglycemia means a low blood sugar level.

So, to the writers of that otherwise fairly clever Toyota truck ad: Your sad sack of a character would be suffering from hypoadrenalism (low adrenaline), not adrenalinitis.

Today is the annual Great American Smokeout. Need I say more?

The recent issue of the Comic Buyers Guide, #1600, features the “1600 Greatest Comics of All Time.” I was considering posting about the list, but frankly that’s a lot of comics. Luckily, H at the Comic Treadmill saves me the hassle and has done an exhaustive review of the list himself. I agree with nearly everything he says, so go read it, and Dave Fiore’s comment too.

For me, the list lost all credibility when the Batman: Hush storyline was included on it. To put it mildly, I am no fan of the Hush storyline. It was a shallow piece of writing contrived to allow Jim Lee to draw a new “classic” character every month. And then they stole the Unknown Soldier for a villain. There is no way any legitimate list can contain this storyline in any “top list” (except maybe the “Top 10 Comic-book Storylines Scott Would Like to Pretend Never Existed.”)

I also disagree with the inclusion of Kevin Smith’s run on Daredevil and Green Arrow. His Daredevil story was a mish-mash of contriavances and cliches strung together as if to appear clever and groundbreaking when it was neither. What makes the inclusion of this storyline even more incredible is that there are no Frank Miller Daredevil comics on the list. Where is Born Again – the standard against which all other Daredevil stories will forever be measured?

I have never been a fan of Smith’s incarnation of Green Arrow. Green Arrow is a B-level character. A fascinating one, I’ll grant, but still a B-level hero. Smith’s re-invention of the character adds no new twists and instead brings back all of the excesses of the Silver Age. I had hoped those trick arrows were lost for good. None of the writers following Smith has written a particularly good story either. As far as I’m concerned, the Mike Grell “urban hunter” Green Arrow was the best this character has ever been.

What would I have added to the list? Hawk and Dove, of course. OK, just kidding about Hawk and Dove, but I would have expected there would have been more Steve Ditko on the list, Dr. Strange would have been nice.

Once again joining somebody else’s bandwagon, I join David and Ed in Book Week and today I promote some of my favorite historical novel series.

The Sharpe Series by Bernard Cornwell
This started out as a series of eleven books that chronicled the fate of British Army infantryman Richard Sharpe through the Napoleonic Wars ending at the battle of Waterloo. Originally a common sergeant, Sharpe saved life of Lord Wellington during a battle in India and found himself promoted to Lieutenant. The stories do an excellent job of bringing the battles to life as well as the harsh life of the British soldier. Cornwell has since gone on to write more Sharpe books set before, after and in-between the original eleven. The BBC also made a very entertaining series of Sharpe movies starring Sean Bean (Boromir in Lord of the Rings). They can sometimes be seen on Masterpiece Theater or the History Channel (and are available on VHS and DVD).

The Hornblower Series by C.S. Forester
Chronicling the adventures of British sailor Horatio Hornblower during the Spanish and Napoleonic Wars. Hornblower starts off as a lowly Midshipman and makes it all the way to Admiral by the end of the series. The best books to start with are Beat To Quarters, Ship of the Line, and Flying Colours. Technically they are the sixth, seventh, and eighth book in the series, but they are the first ones that Forester wrote. They were also turned into an excellent movie starring Gregory Peck and Virginia Mayo. The earlier books were turned into a well done series of movies on A&E starring Ioan Gruffudd as the young Hornblower (Gruffudd is to play Reed Richards in the upcoming Fantastic Four movie). Horatio Hornblower was one of the first popular heroes who broke from the idea of the dashing hero — he was shy, awkward, not particularly handsome and usually scared to death (at least in the earlier books). As a bit of trivia, Forester also wrote The African Queen, later turned into the famous Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn movie.

Even though it shares a setting with the Hornblower novels, I never enjoyed Patrick O’Brian’s Aubery/Maturin series (Master and Commander is the first book — later turned into the Russel Crowe movie), so I gave up after the fifth book. There was just no joy in reading the books; it wasn’t fun — more like a chore.

Other good historical novels include the Arundel series by Kenneth Roberts and any of James L. Nelson’s various naval series.

I caught the new medical show House on Fox Tuesday night (it is scheduled to be rebroadcast Friday night). I enjoyed it and the show definitely has potential.

Hugh Laurie does an excellent job portraying the eponymous Dr. Gregory House. Dr. House is a wounded (both physically and mentally) character who is considered one of the most brilliant physicians in the nation. The trouble is, he hates to deal with patients. His ethics and morals are questionable. He is a complex and interesting character. The rest of the cast is more forgettable. Omar Epps and Jennifer Morrison show some promise as two of the young doctors; the third young doctor, played by Jesse Spencer, doesn’t show much of a personality yet. Robert Sean Leonard simply fades into the background whenever he’s in a scene.

The plot was essentially a medical mystery. Why does this pretty young kindergarten teacher have all these horrible symptoms? What condition does she have, and how do we cure it?

The answer was clever and not too unbelievable. I did have problems with the way the supposedly brilliant Dr. House arrived at his conclusions. There seemed to be no logic behind his deductions, he just seized on some minuscule fact and used it to concoct some untenable theory. That he turned out to be right in the end seemed more luck then skill.

Still, the series was very watchable and I’ll make sure to watch next week’s show.

Some minor nit-picks (and very minor spoilers):

• Are there no radiologists or radiology techs at the hospital? How come the young guns have to run all their own tests?
• Wasn’t it convenient that the teacher got a severe allergic reaction to the gadolinium and couldn’t receive the diagnostic MRI — even had an emergency tracheostomy — yet managed to recover from this anaphylactic shock in a phenomenally fast time? And even if she couldn’t get the MRI done, what about a CT scan?
• No oncologist I know would give radiation therapy without knowing first what kind of cancer it is, or at least exactly where it is.

After being on hiatus for several years, the Teen Titans returned in issue #44 in 1977. A short time later in Teen Titans #50, one of the greatest ideas ever in Teen Titans history was introduced. That’s right: I speak of none other than Teen Titans West!

As the issue starts, Dick Grayson, Donna Troy, Wally West and Duella Dent are traveling by train when the tracks suddenly begin to curve up and down like a giant roller coaster. The teens change into their hero garb and succeed in stopping the train and rescuing the passengers. Outside the train, they encounter the perpetrator of this vile deed, Captain Calamity, and his thugs in the middle of robbing the passengers. Despite a valiant effort by the Titans, Captain Calamity and his goons escape with the loot.

Meanwhile on the West Coast, tennis pro Bette Kane is playing an exhibition game aboard the aircraft carrier U.S.S. Tippecanoe when the ship mysteriously rises hundreds of feet above the water. Kane takes the chance to change into her Bat-Girl outfit (yes Bat-hyphen-Girl — this is the original Bat-Girl, not that Barbara Gordon poseur). One of the sailors on the Tippecanoe turns out to be Hank Hall, now apparently an enlisted man in the Navy, who changes into Hawk and helps Bat-Girl. Beast Boy, who is filming a movie nearby, changes into a bird and flies to help (by holding onto the anchor and changing into an elephant) joined by Hawkman-wannabe Golden Eagle. The group manages to get the ship back to the ocean only to be greeted on the dock by Dove and Lilith.

Back at the Titan’s secret disco hideout the group is discussing the recent events when they hear a loud noise from outside. They rush out in time to see a passenger plane plummeting straight down. Mysteriously, it begins spinning and burrows a hole into the ground (yes, I know physics doesn’t work this way — shhh!) Guardian (our old friend Mal Duncan) and Bumble-Bee jump into the hole to rescue the passengers. Suddenly Captain Calamity appears and threatens to collapse the hole on top of both the plane and the Titans. Do I need to say it? To Be Continued…

This is a fun comic. I’ll admit the plot and villain sound horribly hokey, and they certainly are. Nonetheless there is a definite sense of fun in this comic. Part of that pleasure is from the return of such great second-string heroes as Hawk, Dove and the original Bat-Girl.

The art by Don Heck is straightforward. Missing are the interesting angles and exciting action shots used by Gil Kane and Nick Cardy, but Heck’s art is clear and serves the story well. He does an excellent job conveying action and guiding the eye with the use of simple poses.

Despite the hackneyed villain, improbable physics and lack of a convincing threat, the story by Bob Rozakis is really not that bad. Rozakis does a good job re-introducing obscure characters and establishing a distinct voice for everyone. He also does an excellent job of portraying the Hawk and Dove dichotomy.

Notes:

1. At some point after Teen Titans West, Bat-Girl is retconned away (I’m assuming it was one of the by-blows of Crisis on Infinite Earths). Bette Kane does remain a heroine and tennis ace, but now she becomes Flame Bird. In this guise, she appears in Hawk & Dove Annual #1 (October 1990).
2. Unlike the current depiction of his powers, in this issue when Beast Boy changes into an animal he takes on that animal’s natural coloration — except the head, which remains green and has a distinctly human face with a shock of green hair.
3. If I were a villain, I would promote myself well beyond the rank of captain. General, at least.
4. While I have previous mentioned that Brave and the Bold #142 was the first comic I bought, there are two earlier comics that I still remember fondly (I received them as gifts when I had chicken pox). One was a Batman comic where the Penguin had Batman in a giant birdcage. The other was an issue of the original Teen Titans. The only thing I remembered was that it involved trains and Harlequin. Re-reading Teen Titans #50, I realized that this was that mysterious comic I had read and re-read so much as a seven-year old. Maybe this partially explains my pathological fixation on Hawk and Dove…
5. While stopping the train, Wonder Girl prays to Aphrodite for strength. Wouldn’t a deity more known for feats of physical strength be a better choice than the Goddess of Love?
6. There is no reliable evidence that the Teen Titans West and the ACAPCWOVCCAOE are really the same group.
7. Whatever happened to Duella Dent?

The AP Newswire is carrying yet another story on herbal supplements. This article focuses mainly on Berkley Premuium Nutraceuticals, the makers of a wide variety of these nutritional supplements, including Enzite for “male enhancement” (and maker of those extremely annoying television ads with “Smiling Bob” and his Stepford-ish wife).

The company’s founder comes across as either misguided or extremely shrewd. I suspect the latter. Here’s a a revealing quote:

As for Berkeley’s products, [company founder] Warshak considers it misguided to talk about effectiveness.
“It’s not about whether something works or doesn’t work,” he said. “It’s more about whether it can help or not.”

This is simply ridiculous. Either the products work, or they don’t. If they don’t work, then they can’t help. Q.E.D.

Unsurprisingly, Berkley has racked up an impressive amount of Better Business Bureau complaints, over three thousand, and a class action lawsuit (admittedly, many of the BBB complaints seem to be as much about billing policies as the product themselves).

There are many reasons I have problems with these products. Here are a just a few:

• As Warshak himself seems to conform, they rarely work as promised.
• Most of their ads are extremely misleading. They use vague terms like “enhancement” or “boost performance.” Often, their ads in secondary media sources make ludicrous (and illegal) claims. Just google Enzite and read the promises on many of the listed web sites (though make sure your browser’s security settings are on high first — I wouldn’t trust these sites any farther than I could throw them).
• These “supplements” are expensive. People often complain about the high costs of prescription drugs — and they are expensive — but so are the vast majority of these “nutraceuticals.” Thier price is comparable to that of real drugs.
• Quality control is non-existant. Multiple studies have been done on these supplements. One study on Echinacea showed that less than half of the products contained the stated amount. Some actually contained no Echinacea.
• These sorts of supplements can be dangerous. Some contain dangerous ingredients, while others allow people to self-diagnose while a dangerous condition goes untreated.

The sad fact is that supplements and nutraceuticals face barely any government regulation, if any at all. Real pharmaceuticals have many, many steps of regulation. Vioxx was withdrawn recently in great part because of these regulations. The same is not true for supplements. The makers of Metabolife maintained for years that their product was perfectly safe while hiding thousands upon thousands of reports of adverse incidents including fatalities. In all fairness, these supplements should have to go through the same regulations as the legitimate treatments they are trying to replace.

One last quote from the article, this time showing a perfect example of how these companies use statistics to mislead.

UCSF researcher Jeffrey Tice and his colleagues gave one form of the supplement to 84 women, and a slightly different formulation to another 84. A third group of 84 got a placebo.

The researchers found that both forms of red clover extract did indeed decrease hot flashes. But so did the placebo – and it worked equally well.
Because the placebo did just as well as the two forms of red clover, Tice and his colleagues wrote in the Journal of the American Medical Association, “neither supplement had a clinically important effect on hot flashes or other symptoms of menopause.”

Representatives of Novogen interpreted the results a different way, calling it “undeniable” that their product reduced hot flashes – which is true thanks to the placebo effect.

Sigh.

Sixteen Candles is on TV right now. This used to be one of my favorite movies, and I can still quote it line for line.

Then one day I had a revelation. Jake, the object of Samantha’s affection, is nothing but a slime. The only reason that he shows any interest in Samantha is because he knows she wants to sleep with him (he found her note in study hall, remember?).

Another fond teen memory lost (but not Molly Ringwald…she’s still a fond teen memory).

Teen Titans was a repeat, Spellbound. This one was on originally two or three weeks ago. Raven, feeling like she doesn’t fit in with the rest of her teammates, loses herself in a good book. When one of the characters in that book comes to life, she helps him until she learns…the truth. Not a particularly good episode, though I did like seeing Raven in her white outfit.

Justice League Unlimited was yet another repeat. It was the debut episode again, for the third time.

Batman Unlimited was a new episode, and a fun one. I missed the first few minutes because I was rounding at the hospital. I came home and asked the Polite Wife which Batman it was.
“A new one,” she said. “It’s called Q&A.”
Sounds like a Riddler episode I was thinking, and then Alfred mentioned something about a game show.
“Uh oh,” I told her. “The villain’s going to be Cluemaster.” Sure enough, a minute later when the game show scene was shown, there he was: Arthur Brown, a.k.a. the Cluemaster.
This was a clever re-imagining of a fairly lame comic book character (now known mostly for being the late-father of the late-Spoiler). In the TV episode, he was a child genius who had been a regular game show winner until he missed a question he felt was rigged. Now, a decade later, he’s getting revenge on the people he feels wronged him. Did I mention he’s so incredibly obese he needs a special chair to get around, and he’s that fat because he’s eaten all of his consolation prize: a lifetime supply of candy bars?

I do have one question, how did he manage to build an acid pit in his basement (and do you think I can talk the Polite Wife into letting me have one)?

It’s been a mostly quiet day today at the 90% House. While we made time to watch the dinal NASCAR race of the season, we have spend most of the day cleaning and getting ready for the arrival of both sets of parents for the Thanksgiving holiday.

It seemed like a good idea at one point.

Sunday Blog-o-Bits:

• I picked up issues 1 and 2 of Dorothy (ordered them from the company, actually). The comic has a distinct look to it and presents an interesting twist on the Oz story. I’ve definitely enjoyed it so far. The Polite Wife enjoyed it too, and she’s very picky in her comics reading.
• The International Comics Art Association is having a contest to a limited edition hardcover of Visual Storytelling: The Art and Technique.
• Ian over at the Brill Building has a clever idea. Pre-packaged pull quotes and cover blurbs. Just what today’s busy comic publishing executive needs! (I also just realized I had him listed under Medical Blogs, not Comics Blogs. Nice try Ian, but you can’t win a Medblog award that easily!)
• For all of those who enjoy Dorian’s stories of customers gone mad, make sure you check out Acts of Gord. It’s a very funny website authored by a guy who once ran a video game store up in Canada and what he had to deal with on a daily basis.

The Polite Wife and I were at the Peoria Civic Center tonight with tickets to the musical The Full Monty. Unlike the original movie, this version is set in Buffalo, NY. That pretty much sums up the musical. It was a loud brash Americanization of the original movie. All of the original subtlety (not that there was much) was gone. The songs were fair, with rather blatant lyrics. It was a fun spectacle, but not much of a musical.

The last time we were there it was a much better musical. One of my favorites, in fact.

What do you get when you combine Shakespeare, Cole Porter, and feuding ex-spouses? One of the best of the classic musicals: Kiss Me Kate. Kiss Me Kate was initially a Broadway musical but in 1953 wit as made into a movie. It’s based on The Taming of the Shrew, which seems to be one of Shakespeare’s more adapted plays (remember The Taming of the Shrew episode of Moonlighting? Or the more recent movie 10 Things I Hate About You?)

Fred Graham is a former A-list stage actor and he is starring as leading man Petruchio in a stage performance of The Taming of the Shrew. His ex-wife, with whom is barely on speaking terms, is playing the female lead Katherine. Meanwhile Graham’s current flame Lois Lane (yep, that’s her name) is playing Katherine’s younger sister Bianca, and Lane’s real significant other is in the play as well. It also turns out that Lane’s boyfriend lost a bundle at the poker table to the Mob and signed Graham’s name to the IOU. The Mob sends two thugs to collect and Graham manages to con them into preventing Lilli from leaving after she threatens to quit. These backstage antics set up the show, and the group’s performance of The Taming of the Shrew is the clever play within a play.

There are some memorable songs including Too Darn Hot, I Hate Men and I’ve Come to Wive it Wealthily in Padua. The best song by far is Brush Up Your Shakespeare, which manages close to a hundred bawdy Shakespeare puns in just over three minutes.

The movie is good. It stars Howard Keel as Fred Graham and Kathryn Grayson as Lilli Vanessi. A young Keenan Wynn plays one of the mobsters and famed choreographer Bob Fosse plays one of Bianca’s fiancées. Some of the music was altered for the movie, toning down some of the innuendo. For that reason, seeing it on stage is superior (though you lose the quality of the movie’s performers.) Watch the musical if you can, but if it’s not available, definitely watch the movie.

Identity Crisis #6 “Husbands & Wives”
Brad Meltzer, writer
Rags Morales, penciler

I. Introduction
If you squint your eyes and tilt your head just right, the medical science of Identity Crisis #6 makes a certain kind of sense. I’m not inclined to be that charitable however, so I’ll be taking a more jaundiced view of this issue

After performing Sue Dibny’s autopsy, Dr. Mid-Nite is looking at a slide of her brain tissue under the microscope when he makes a startling discovery. In an area of the brainstem known as the Nucleus Coeruleus there are signs of infarct. Plus, when examined closer, the area of infarction also shows a set of tiny footprints.

II. An Infarct in the Locus Coeruleus
The Nucleus Coeruleus, more commonly called the Locus Coeruleus, is an area located deep in the brainstem. The brainstem is the most primitive portion of the brain. It connects the brain to the spinal cord and is responsible for the basic functions of life. Current research suggests that the locus coeruleus is important in wakefulness and mood disorders. It should be noted that unlike what Dr. Mid-Nite says, the locus coeruleus is not located in the medulla, but instead the pons (the part of the brainstem located just above the medulla).

An infarct occurs when part of an organ dies because its blood supply is interrupted. For example, the medical term for a heart attack is a myocardial infarction. An infarction in the brain is a stroke. According to what Dr. Mid-Nite saw under the microscope, Sue had a small stroke in the locus coeruleus.

He then states that a blockage of the artery to the mid-medulla cut off the blood supply to the rest of the brain and this is what killed her. This is nonsense. There are many arteries supplying blood to different parts of the brain. A block in an artery to the brainstem would not affect the blood supply to the rest of the brain.

However, a stroke to the brainstem itself can be devastating; roughly two-thirds of them are fatal. This could be what killed Sue.

III. A Blocked Blood Vessel
Shouldn’t the Ray’s “spectral analysis” of the blood vessels have shown this blockage? I know that spectral analysis in this context is complete technobabble, but what good is a blood vessel scan if it can’t find blockages?

IV. A Strange Comment
Dr. Mid-Nite mentions that he first thought Sue’s stroke was natural. Excuse me? A young otherwise-healthy woman dies of a rare stroke, her body is burned to a crisp, super-villains are targeting family members, and his first thought is that this was a natural occurrence?

V. The Microscope
Before a tissue sample can be examined under a microscope, it needs to be specially prepared. First the sample is stained and then frozen or imbedded in paraffin. After that, the tissue is sliced into pieces just a few microns thick and placed on a microscope slide (for a frame of reference, a piece of paper is 100 microns thick).

I’m willing to accept that Dr. Mid-Nite was able to choose the right sample to show the stroke because he had an idea of what he was looking for. But what are the odds that this one slice out of millions of possible samples showed footprints, let alone at the perfect angle to see them for exactly what they were. How nice of the villain to arrange himself perpendicularly. Also, how can footprints leave indentations on such a thin slice?

VI. The Villain
According to Dr. Mid-Nite, there is a set of footprints smack dab in the middle of the brainstem. Here’s my question: How and where exactly is the perpetrator standing? This set of footprints is deep in the brain tissue itself. Why wouldn’t the villain have been crushed or suffocated by the surrounding tissues? How did he even stand up to leave a set of footprints? Why are there just footprints and not a whole body print?

VII. Conclusion
Like the rest of Identity Crisis, the plot makes sense at first, at least until you actually begin to think about it.

Another Tuesday, another episode of House. It was a good episode, but it just reinforced some of my complaints about the first episode.

(Yar, there be Spoilers below!)

Once again, the final diagnosis was unorthodox, but clever. Just like in the first episode, the team doesn’t so much as deduce the correct diagnoses as much as stumble toward it like a drunken sailor staggering down the street. It’s multiple sclerosis! No, it’s neurosyphillis! No wait, it’s subacute sclerosis panencephalitis! There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason to their diagnostic strategy; they just jump from one convenient explanation to another.

The whole adoption issue and sub-plot was just nothing but a smokescreen. Despite what Dr. House shouted, it did not affect diagnosis. House had never asked the mother about her immunization status when he thought she was the patient’s natural mother, so why should it suddenly matter when it turns out the patient is adopted? It just gives the writers another excuse to show Dr. House’s “brilliance” and “non-conformity” (and lack of ethics).

I realize it’s only been two episodes, but I’m starting to notice a pattern: due to some unforeseen complication, the ordinary diagnostic techniques won’t work and the team has to use some clever and unconventional means of diagnosis. In the first episode, the patient had a sudden (and suspiciously convenient) gadolinium allergy, so an MRI couldn’t be used. The doctors then had to x-ray her leg looking for glow-in-the-dark worms instead. In this episode, the patient’s spinal fluid couldn’t be tested because of the treatment they’d already given him (which makes little sense), so they had to get a tissue sample from the back of his eye.

Once again, the hospital seems strangely understaffed as the young gun physicians end up running all the tests themselves.

I don’t know if I missed it in the first episode, but apparently each of the young guns is some sort of specialist. We find out this episode that Omar Epps character is a neurologist (which is lucky, since both of the first two cases have been neurological cases).

Now, don’t think I don’t like the show. It’s very enjoyable and better than 90% of what’s on television. Hugh Laurie is great as Dr. House, and the characters of Omar Epps and Sean Patrick Leonard are growing on me. I just have high expectations for a show that bills itself on cleverness and zebras.

“Titans East! Titans West! And Never(?) The Titans Shall Meet!”

Teen Titans #51 begins shortly after the events of the preceding issue, with the Titans West relaxing in a fast food restaurant. Lilith is warning the others that more calamities will occur, but the group doesn’t believe her. Hawk and Beast Boy leave in disgust but encounter the very calamity Lilith warned them about: an office building launching into space. With the help of the rest of the Titans West, they mange to keep the building on the ground. All the time they are wrestling with the building, they are being watched by a mysterious villain named “Mr. Esper” who casually reveals to the reader that he has “tapped into Lilith’s powers.” As the Titans recuperate after their struggle, Lilith’s caveman boyfriend Gnarrk shows up and tries to pick a fight with Hawk and Beast Boy.

Over on the East Coast, Captain Calamity and his men are still threatening the buried airplane. In a brief fight, the Titans East capture the entire gang, including the calamitous Captain. Returning to the Titan’s secret disco base they encounter Aqualad, who announces he is going to quit the team — basically because his powers are wimpy. Meanwhile, the Titans discover that Long Island is drifting out into the Atlantic Ocean. With Captain Calamity in jail, Robin wonders who is really behind this latest incident. At that precise moment, the Titans West stroll into the Titan’s secret disco base and announce that the person who is to blame…is Lilith! To Be Continued Next Issue…

The art by Don Heck seems sketchier than the previous issue. I suspect this is mostly due to inker Frank Chiramonte’s lighter lines. The action scenes are fine, but the personal scenes suffer the most from the art this issue.

The story by Bob Rozakis is the second of the three chapters of the Titans East/Titans West saga. It has more action than the previous chapter, but that’s because it doesn’t have as many characters to introduce. The introductions that do occur — Mr. Esper and Gnarrk — are not handled particularly deftly. Overall, the story reads like a middle chapter. All this issue does is push the plot along enough so that the two teams of Titans meet. Sure hope the payoff is worth it.

Notes:

1. In this issue, Hawk reveals where he and Don have been for the past two years (the “comic book time” that passed in the four years since their last appearance): Don went to college and Hank joined the Navy.
2. Since Hawk and Dove can only be in costume when danger is present, why are they still in costume in the fast food restaurant? I suspect they were ahead of the curve when it comes to the dangers of fried foods.
3. I have never seen less original puns and quips during a fight than in this story. “Have a nice trip…see you next fall.” Gee, that’s original.
4. I just have to type it one more time: secret disco base. It has quite a ring to it, doesn’t it?

In the first panel of Teen Titans #52, Lilith announces to the startled Titans East that her powers are causing the various calamities the teams have encountered. Without waiting for any explanations, the Titans East accuse the Titans West of engaging in a “life of crime” and the two teams battle. Wonder Girl uses her magic lasso to ensnare both teams and force them to stop fighting.

Lilith explains that Mr. Esper is somehow using her power to cause all these catastrophes. After finally understanding the entire situation, the combined Titans split into three teams: one to track down Mr. Esper, one to stop Long Island from drifting out to sea, and a final team to track down Captain Calamity. In a true heroic style, the last team to return has to buy everyone else dinner.

Beast Boy changes into a whale (a green whale with a dark green lock of hair, that is), and with a pod of whales summoned by Aqualad, begins to push Long Island back to its rightful place. Golden Eagle and Bumblebee direct the whales from the air while Dove and Kid Flash watch the team’s back.

Wonder Girl, Hawk, Speedy, Guardian, Lilith and Gnarrk track down and confront Mr. Esper. Esper uses his powers to force the group to fight each other again. His powers also somehow confound the team of Titans trying to save Long Island (how exactly he accomplishes this is never satisfactorily explained).

Robin, Harlequin and Bat-Girl visit the local jail to check on the imprisoned Captain Calamity. Once there, they discover that he has mysteriously escaped. This doesn’t stop Bat-Girl and Harlequin from competing with each other for Robin’s attention.

Wonder Girl, once again the only voice of reason in the entire Titans team, realizes that Lilith is the key. Since Mr. Esper draws his powers from her, incapacitating her should slow Esper down. She knocks Lilith unconscious and Esper’s powers instantly disappear — and he himself fades away seconds later. The disappearance of Mr. Esper allows the whale-herding Titans to resume their mission and retrieve Long Island.

Robin and the dueling divas jump on the Robin-cycle and drive to Throg’s Neck Bridge where — true to form — Captain Calamity is robbing the stranded motorists. The trio easily manages to capture him and when they unmask him, they discover that Captain Calamity and Mr. Esper are the same person. Ready for the explanation? Mr. Esper used the powers he stole from Lilith to “create” Captain Calamity. Since Calamity was just a mental creation of Esper’s, he didn’t escape from jail but just faded away. Now, Esper got clever and put on the Calamity outfit himself. The Mr. Esper that Hawk, Lilith and the others fought was merely a mental duplicate and so vanished when defeated. The real Mr. Esper/Captain Calamity was robbing people on the bridge and got captured by Robin. Whew!

Somehow, despite actually capturing the villain, Robin’s team was the last one to return to the Titan’s secret disco base and had to buy everyone dinner. Before the Titans West head back to the West Coast, both teams pose for a team portrait.

Don Heck’s art is much better this issue than last issue. He is ably inked by Bob Smith, and Smith’s weightier lines add the heft that was missing last issue. There is much more action this issue and Heck does a good job with these scenes.

Thankfully this was just a three-issue storyline because the story kept getting worse and more contrived with each issue. This whole “Captain Calamity was just a mental construct of Mr. Esper” was confusing at first read and made less sense with each subsequent attempt. The only real interest in this storyline was the return of Hawk and Dove and the original Bat-Girl. Be honest, was there really anybody anywhere demanding the return of Golden Eagle?

This is the last that Hawk and Dove will interact with this incarnation of the Teen Titans. In fact, the next issue of the Teen Titans will be the last issue until their revival at the hands of Wolfman and Perez. Hawk and Dove next appear a year later in the anniversary issue Showcase #100. This is followed three years later by a non-canon story in Brave and Bold #181. Four years after that they appear with the Titans again, this time for Donna Troy’s wedding in Tales of the Teen Titans #50.

Notes:

1. Mr. Esper’s plan of having the Titans fight each other was not particularly clever. Since Lilith was the least physically imposing of the Titans, someone was bound to knock her out eventually and he would lose all his powers.
2. Is there really a Throg’s Neck Bridge?
3. This story was slightly ret-conned and re-told in a post-Crisis version in Secret Origins Annual #3, but that’s a post for another day.
4. Sadly, this is the last Hawk and Dove appearance where I can type secret disco base. Damn.
5. This is the last that is heard of Titans West until they unofficially reappear in Hawk & Dove Annual #1 in 1990. Another Titans West (later renamed Titans L.A.) was attempted several years after that in Titans Secret Files #2, but they too disbanded quckly. Bat-Girl (now ret-conned as Flamebird) is still active as a minor hero. Golden Eagle died during the Titans Hunt storyline (New Titans #72). Lilith assisted various incarnations of the Titans, for a time as the mysterious hero Omen, before meeting her end during Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day. Beast Boy (a.k.a. Changeling) is still an active member of the Teen Titans. Gnarrk, for reasons unexplained, died sometime before Donna Troy’s wedding (in the pre-Crisis timeline), and long before it (in the post-Crisis timeline).

Last night, I took a couple of hours to sit down and read through some comics I’d picked up at Wizard World Chicago. They were about twenty issues of the Kurt Busiek and George Perez Avengers. I had a great time reading them. They were everything that Avengers stories should be: larger than life heroes, redeemed villains, cosmic threats, and a little soap opera thrown in for good measure.

I actually thought to myself, “I wonder what’s happening in the Avengers now?” About ten minutes later I remembered. The Busiek/Perez Avengers actually drove all thoughts of the current fiasco from my mind. That pretty much says it all, as far as I’m concerned.

We all have characters that we’ve become attached to. I don’t mean favorite characters, like Hawk and Dove, the Atom, Wildcat or Swamp Thing (just to name a few), but instead a character who holds a special meaning for us. For me, two of these characters are Kitty Pryde and Firestar.

Kitty Pryde showed up in the X-Men at the same time I started collecting comics, so she’s been a character as long as I’ve been in this hobby. For that reason alone, I can relate to her. She’s one of the few characters who has actually aged in the comics and, unlike the rest of X-Men, actually has a three-dimensional personality and believable emotions. When she left Xavier’s in Uncanny X-Men #150, I was crushed (I was also 11), but I was ecstatic when she returned the next issue. I’ve continued to follow her exploits through both the good (Mekanix) and the bad (Kitty Pryde, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.). Thankfully, she’s back and in good hands in the Astonishing X-Men.

Firestar started out as a TV cartoon character years before she ever showed up in a comic book. It was there, on Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends, that I first noticed her. She showed up in the Uncanny X-Men briefly (as one of Emma Frost’s Hellions) and had her own mini-series; both were horrible. She was revitalized in New Warriors and went on to become an Avenger. I’d like to see her brought back to the Avengers (but not by Bendis, as he’d probably kill her).

I have other characters that I’m attached to, but these two were the first.

No Teen Titans or Justice League Unlimited this week; instead we got G.I. Joe: Venom vs. Valor. Not quite a fair trade (I watched some Black Adder with my father-in-law instead).

There was a new Batman this week: “The Big Dummy.” The villain, as the name suggests, was Scarface. Instead of the comic’s Al Capone look, this dummy had an Al Pacino in Scarface look going for him…if the name fits, I guess. The episode wasn’t all that interesting, really. Scarface and his mob (of two) are robbing a bunch of high-tech companies in order to build a giant robot Scarface (because if there’s one thing that maladjusted ventriloquists know, it’s how to build a giant robot). There was a little bit of an intriguing sideplot with Bruce Wayne going out on a date with a cute female psychologist. It went nowhere, but hopefully we’ll see more of the psychologist in future episodes.

I am puzzled by the choice of villains so far. I can understand the classics such as Joker, Penguin and Catwoman. Man-Bat’s in the classic group for his concept and visuals, if nothing else. I’ll even throw Bane in this group. Then there are the second stringers such as Scarface. Cluemaster doesn’t even rate second string. What about all the other classic villains? Killer Croc, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow or the Riddler? If you’re going to have second- and third-rate villains then what about Signalman? A good villain can liven up a bad script, but there’s not much you can do with a mediocre script and a poor villain.

There are many comic book characters that are long forgotten. Some were the favorites of a particular writer or artist, and vanished after those creators left the book (how about that X-favorite Maggot?). Others were children of their era and seem out of place outside of it (the disco Dazzler anyone?). The most interesting of these forgotten characters are those who are created as new versions of older characters. Sometimes these revisions work; usually they don’t. For each Jack Knight Starman, there is a Beth Chapel Dr. Midnight.

Fate is one of these characters. Spun out of Zero Hour, he was a reconfigured Dr. Fate. Instead of a willing host, Nabu’s powers were grafted onto an unsuspecting bystander. Not an innocent bystander, however. Jared Stevens was a thief and smuggler. He was a “grim and gritty” Dr. Fate for those waning grim and gritty years of the mid-90s. He had that extreme 90s look to him too: sword, shoulder pad and tattoo.

He would have been an interesting character on his own, but being a version of Dr. Fate doomed him from the start. He was hamstrung by the character’s history. If he had been a new creation, instead of an incarnation of Dr. Fate, he probably would still be around. New readers didn’t understand all the Dr. Fate history and storyline. Fans of Dr. Fate saw little of their character in this version.

The original series, Fate, lasted for 23 issues (1994-1996). The best stories were in the middle of the run, when Steven Grant was writing. The Keith Giffen helmed The Book of Fate took aother stab at the character. It lasted for twelve issues, 1997-1998. The following year, Jared Stevens was killed off quickly in the beginning acts of the new JSA to make way for the new (and closer to the original concept) Dr. Fate. I doubt he’ll be back.

A variety of Blog-o-Bits from around the internet and blogosphere. While most are medically related — don’t despair! — there are some more light hearted links as well!

• Doc Shazam talks about a case of tetanus in her Emergency Room. She also hits on one of my areas of interest: the often overlooked importance of tetanus immunizations. (All of you have received a tetanus shot within the past ten years…right? Right?)
• Looking at another disease your mother warned you about, CNN gives us a story about four people who apparently came down with botulism after having received a botox injection. This is a weird situation. Botox is a very diluted form of the botulinum toxin, so unless they got an incredibly large dose — or a contaminated vial — I can’t see how the botox led to the botulism.
• Symtym has a thought-provoking collection of articles and references suggesting that Tasers may not be a safe as they are purported to be. It seems that all the relevant experiments proving their safety were done on animals (one pig and five dogs) nearly a decade ago. Certainly, non-lethal means of apprehending people are important, but maybe this one isn’t always the best choice. (Classic Sci-Fi fans take note, apparently the Taser’s name comes from “Tom A. Swift’s Electric Rifle”.)
• DoctorMental has some good thoughts on another favorite topic of mine: drug reps and pharmaceutical companies.
• Comedy Central lists its “100 Greatest Stand-Ups of All Time.” Interesting reading, if only to start the debate. (Eddie Izzard and Drew Carey got robbed! And where’s Jake Johansen?)
• H.O.P.E. (Horified Observers of Pedestrian Entertainment) and Rhino Records are offering a CD exchange. Send in Jessica Simpson’s CD and they’ll send you something better. That’s not all! They’ll also offer exchanges for the following “performers”: Britney Spears, Jennifer Lopez, Nick Lachey, Jessica Simpson, Creed, Paris Hilton, Limp Bizkit, and any boy band.

Moon Over Miami was a detective comedy show that ran on ABC during the fall of 1993. It was about a Miami detective agency led by private eye Walter Tatum, played by a post-Rocketeer Billy Campbell. In addition to Walter, the agency also employed electronics guru Billie and leg man Tito. As a love interest/antagonist, the show featured Gwen Cross, played by Ally Walker (before her stint on Profiler), a runaway bride who was Walter’s missing persons case in the first episode. At the end of that episode, she decided to leave her rich father (and fiancee) behind and seek meaningful employment in Miami — meaningful employment meaning attempting to become a private eye and help Walter.

The stories were clever and the humor was gentle and fun. In addition to Billie and Tito, there were many other memorable supporting characters including Gwen’s father (played by character actor Chelcie Ross), her ex-fiancee, and Walter’s grandfather, a jazz player from the depression. Sadly, the show fell victim to corporate shenanigans and viewer apathy and was canceled after only three months. Both Campbell and Walker went on to success in other shows, though I’ve never seen the Tito and Billie in anything else.

Some Moon Over Miami Links:

• Information on the series from TV Tome
• Information on the series from IMDB
• A nice fan site with pictures, episode guide and quotes

The recent issue of TV Guide lists the “100 Greatest Moments in TV History.” I was pleased to see that Star Trek made the list twice. First, Star Trek: The Next Generation was on there for The Best of Both Worlds, where Picard is revealed to have been turned into a Borg. The original Star Trek shows up a little later on the list for the famous Kirk/Uhura kiss. I assume this is on the list because it was television’s first interracial kiss. It certainly wasn’t because of the episode which was one of the worst.

That got me to thinking. Looking at each Star Trek series individually, what is the single best moment from that series? What moment sums up the series the best for you?

Here are my picks for the best moments from the original three series. I bailed out of both Voyager and Enterprise early, so I can’t honestly make an informed choice in those series.

Star Trek (the original series): Devil in the Dark, where Spock mind-melds with the rock creature that is killing all of the miners.

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Reunion, where Worf buries his Bat’leth into Duras’s chest.

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine: Defiant. This is the episode where Tom Riker steals the Defiant and flies deep into Cardassian space. The best moment occurs when Sisko and Gul Dukat are in the Cardassian War Room talking about their children’s birthdays.

Any other suggestions?

Warning: Spoilers ahead for those who have not read War Games: Act Three

War Games: Act Three was a little better than Act Two, but still suffered in comparison to the generally good Act One. The first two parts (Detective Comics and Legends of the Dark Knight) act did a good job of building momentum in the disastrous meeting in the park. Just as tension was building, the storyline switched over to Nightwing and most of the excitement was lost. Robin also focused almost exclusively on one character, but it was full of action and it’s good to see Tim back as Robin. I particularly enjoyed the way he took down the Trickster without any trouble at all (the Trickster is easily my least favorite of the new Rogues.) Tension built again in the claustrophobic Batman: Gotham Knights where Tarantula and her gang were trapped in an old building. Once again, at the height of tension, the main story was derailed to visit solo characters (Batgirl and Catwoman) — not bad issues, but they added little to the overall plot. Batman existed mostly to tie up all the dangling loose ends, and by the way, Spoiler died (which was pretty much the way the story dealt with it).

War Games wasn’t a bad storyline, but it wasn’t particularly good. I’d rate it higher than Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive and Hush, but lower than the Batman Family storyline from two years ago. At several intances, the plot and action became mesmerizing. Unfortunately, every time this happened the solo books slowed the story down quickly and all momentum was lost. In future crossovers, DC should keep the plot in the Batman books. The solo books can supplement the story, but not be mandatory reading.

S.C.R.U.B.S. scores for War Games Act Three. The S.C.R.U.B.S. system is a simple numeric formula for quickly determining which Batman storylines are worth reading — and which ones aren’t. Scores for Act One and Act Two have previously been posted. Remember, the lower the number the better the story. The higher the number, the more likely it’s a bad story. The scores are dropping a little each act, but that’s mostly from attrition: fewer villains are left (and more heroes are dead). Detective Comics 799 23 Legends of the Dark Knight 184 18 Nightwing 98 14 Robin 131 13 Batman: Gotham Knights 58 16 Batgirl 57 13 Catwoman 36 13 Batman 633 29 War Games: Act Two (as a whole) 45 War Games, TOTAL 71

This week’s episode of House was the best so far, at least in terms of the medical mystery at the heart of it. The solution was plausible and not as far fetched as the first two episodes. Dr. House and the young guns didn’t bounce around from diagnosis to diagnosis as much as they did in previous episodes. However, I was confounded by their tendency to start treatments for diseases without running simple (and quick) confirmatory tests. It’s hard to believe that this very sick patient was in the hospital as long as he was without anyone drawing a simple blood count — a test that takes maybe 15 minutes to run. I can only assume this is because the young guns persist in doing every test and procedure themselves; the hospital is bound to have a lab and specialists — use them!

The title and theme of this episode was “Occam’s Razor” — a medical “law” taught during medical school. The scene where the doctors were writing all the patient’s symptoms on the board and trying to figure what conditions would cause them was eerily reminiscent of my internal medicine rotation in medical school.

Hugh Laurie continues to fascinate as Dr. House and Omar Epps is the strongest of the young gun doctors (by the way, their specialties are neurology, immunology and oncology). Sean Patrick Leonard’s Robert Sean Leonard’s character is actually developing a personality — a first for him. The other two young guns are getting stronger, but are still mere shadows next to Epps and Laurie.

You want some medical nit-picks? Well, OK. I’m happy to oblige.
1. Protein, DNA and RNA gels take several hours to run.
2. Even though an infection may not have been at the heart of the problem, the patient still had a dangerously low white blood cell count and needed to be in isolation — isolation which was broken by Dr. House storming into the room in his “Eureka!” moment.
3. Thyroid hormone replacement is an oral medication, not an IV medication. It needs to be started slowly and gradually increased, not slammed into the patient full strength.