Polite Dissent

What exactly goes into Joker Toxin (aka Joker Venom, Smile Venom, Joker Juice, and sometimes, Smilex)? The recipe seems to have changed over the years:

1991
HUNTRESS: “Just tell me if any dimethyl silicate has changed hands lately. You know it Charley -– the poison the Joker makes his Smile Venom from.”
Dimemethyl silicate is most commonly found in cosmetics. For instance, it’s a common ingredient in lip gloss.
Source: Wonder Woman #282 (Admittedly, this story takes place on Earth-2)

1993
BRUCE WAYNE: “Some strange compound of chlorides and hydrocolloids with a protein catalyst.”
This one is little more than medical technobabble as all three terms, while real, are maddeningly vague. (FYI: Wikipedia entries on chlorides and hydrocolloids).
Source: Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #50

2006
DR KOWALSKI: “I had never seen anything like the neurotoxin before. It blocked the calcium and potassium channels and also placed the victim in anaphylactic shock.”
More technobabble, but, like the best technobabble, there is just enough real science present to give it a whiff of truth: calcium channels are found throughout the body, but are especially common in nerves and muscles, and potassium channels are found in nerves and the heart muscle. Anaphylactic shock is a fatal allergic reaction — for example, people who die from bee stings.
Source: Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #200

2010
BATMAN: “The most lethal element of authentic Joker Venom, hydrogen cyanide, is absent. strychnodide is present, though. It causes the muscle contractions that produce the hallmark grin.”
Hydrogen cyanide is a very real, very fast, and very deadly toxin (its symptoms don’t really match Joker Venom though). Strychnodide is a fictional derivative of strychnine.
Source: Detective Comics #867.
Though this is the first mention (to my knowledge) of this Joker Venom recipe in an actual comic, this combination of toxins was first mentioned in a DC Heroes Role Playing Game supplement in back in 1993 (DC Technical Manual: S.T.A.R. Labs 1993 Annual Report — I scanned in the relevant section here.).

The Brave and the Bold #31 “Small Problems”
J. Michael Straczynski, writer
Chad Hardin and Justiniano, pencilers

The Atom is called to Arkham Asylum to treat a neurological problem the Joker is having. He has to shrink down to microscopic size, enter the brain, and release an “experimental chemical” at a specific location to cure the Joker.

There are many, many problems with this comic. I’m all for Fantastic Voyage homages, but it is obvious that Straczynski has no understanding of how the brain or nervous system actually functions. A twelve year old with access to Wikipedia and five minutes to spare could write a more accurate — and no less engaging — story.

The main stumbling block is Straczynski’s misunderstanding of synapses — the junctions between nerve cells*, where one cell passes a signal to the second cell. These synapses can be either chemical (a message molecule known as a neurotransmitter carries the impulse from the first cell to the second cell), or electrical (the two cells are connected by channels which allow an electrical signal — ions, really — to be passed from the first cell to the second cell).

I’ll just touch on a few of the bigger errors here:

What the doctor here is describing is not particularly rare at all. When too many synapses fire off, you have a seizure. If it involves part of the brain, it’s a partial seizure; if it involves most of the brain, it’s a generalized seizure. If the seizures happen repeatedly, then it’s considered epilepsy. If it is a seizure that cannot be stopped, then it is called status epilepticus, and yes, it can lead to brain damage and death (but it’s not rare: 42,000 deaths a year). • If the Joker really were in status, he’s be dead long before the Atom ever got there.

This is some horrible, horrible technobabble. I know everyone uses “the brain = a computer” metaphor, but it’s just that: a metaphor; a figure of speech. The brain is not really a computer — it is orders of magnitude more complex and you can’t “reboot” it. For one thing, I’d want my brainstem to keep working no matter what, since it controls such things as the heartbeat and breathing. • “Synaptic array at the microscopic level” is redundant. All human synapses are microscopic.

Straczynski seems to think that all synapses are electrical in nature, but that is not true — in fact, chemical synapses are much more numerous; electrical synapses only show up in certain pathways where speed is important — reflexes, for instance. He spends most of the issue confusing the two types of synapses. “Synaptic gaps” occur in chemical synapses; electrical synapses are tied together by ion channels. Chemical synapses are involved in the higher processes, like memory. Electrical synapses transmit ions from one nerve cell to another through channels in the cell membrane — there is no “electrical pulse” or lightning bolts (as drawn in the comic) between the nerves. The rest is just more technobabble.

For a better “The Atom in somebody’s brain” story, I recommend The Brave and the Bold (original series) #115, where the Atom controls a brain-dead Batman to solve his murder.

*There are also synapses between nerve cells and other cells, such as between a nerve cell and a muscle cell.

scene from Trinity #37 by Kurt Busiek and Fabian Nicieza; art by Scott McDaniel

D-level villains (and that’s being generous) Punch and Jewelee are used as the focus of Morgaine’s machine to find a new Fool for her villain’s Tarot. The machine identifies the Joker as the perfect Fool — which really isn’t a surprise — but unfortunately neither Punch nor Jewelee survive the process.

SIDE NOTE: Best Punch and Jewelee appearance: Hawk and Dove #18 and #19. Also best Dan Quayle appearance, though WildC.A.T.S. #2 and #3 are close behind.

All previous Psychic Nosebleed Zen posts

Tags: comics medicine nosebleed punch jewelee joker fool

My wife and I sat down to watch the new Wonder Woman animated movie this weekend and both thoroughly enjoyed it. The plot is straightforward: it’s a re-telling of Wonder Woman’s origin and her first trip to the “Man’s world” after being raised entirely on Themyscira. Along with returning Steve Trevor to America, she also must battle the machinations of Ares, God of War.

The voice acting is good, though it took me about an act to get used to Alfred Molina as Ares — I kept hearing him as Tevye (if only he had broken into a rousing rendition of Tradition). The main flaw to me was that Steve Trevor was a rather lightweight character with frat-boy morals, and it was hard to see him being at all attractive to Diana. (And where did an isolated Bronze-Age society come up with an invisible jet?)

Now I’m not saying it’s genre-redefining film by any stretch of the imagination, but it’s a solidly enjoyable super-hero movie with a hint of a female empowerment theme. My wife (Wonder Woman knowledge level 1/10) seemed to enjoy it as much as I (Wonder Woman knowledge level 7/10) did — she even specifically mentioned how much she liked it, which is an unusual thing for her to say about an animated film. Our nineteen-month-old son was even able to sit still and watch it for twenty minutes in a row — the first time he’s done this for a show that wasn’t the Backyardigans. There were some intense battle scenes in the beginning and end of the movie that I wouldn’t let him watch, so bear that in mind when watching it with kids.

1. Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker [Uncut Version]
2. Justice League: The New Frontier
3. Wonder Woman
4. Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman
5. Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Detective Comics #849 “Heart of Hush, part 4 of 5: Scars”
Paul Dini, writer
Dustin Nguyen, penciler

This month’s issue of Detective Comics, which continues the story of Catwoman’s missing heart, answers some of the questions I raised last month, but leaves others unanswered.

1. The bizarre steampunk-ish machinery used to keep Catwoman alive without her heart is explained away as a machine designed by Mr. Freeze, utilizing his extensive knowledge of cryogenics. Her heart is kept alive in a similarly designed machine in Hush’s lair.
I consider that a reasonable explanation, at least from a comic-book-medicine point of view.
However:

It still doesn’t explain how Hush was able to transport that enormous piece of machinery — it takes up the better part of a large room — to Gotham General is a single ambulance.

There remains the problem of blood mixing with air; and random units of blood hanging from the machinery.

2. Hush explains that after his own run in with heart problems (thanks to the Joker), he “set about learning all I could about the heart — ways to remove it, restart it, test how long it could be kept alive outside the body…”
That’s as good an explanation as we’re probably going to get — and considering Hush is “The Best Neurosurgeon in World” — I’m willing to accept that he’s super-intelligent enough and driven enough to become “Darn Near the Best Cardiothoracic Surgeon in the World” in just a few months.

Apparently he’s also now “The Best Plastic Surgeon in the World”. Or at least “The Best Plastic Surgeon in the World who Operates on Himself.” (But remember the old adage: A Doctor who treats himself has a fool for a patient.)

3. It’s a shame that Dr. Mid-Nite and Mr. Terrific show up just to be stymied. What a waste of great characters.

4. Hush tells Batman that Joker triggered a massive heart attack. Unlikely. An aberrant pacemaker could trigger a fatal arrhythmia, but not a heart attack — that’s a flow problem, not an electrical one. (I go into this in more depth in a previous post about the topic.)

Truly one of the most bizarre comic book transfusion stories ever, this one comes from The Brave and the Bold #141, “Pay or Die!”

Two Gotham City businessmen mysteriously explode, and the Batman is quickly on the case. He determines that both businessmen had defaulted on loans from a new loan shark in town, the mysterious Mr. Longreen. Using his famed detective skills, and the help of a seamstress with poor English,Batman realizes that the reclusive Longreen is none other than his arch enemy, the Joker.

Despite his vaunted investigative skills, the Batman has no clue where the Joker’s hideout is, so he enlists Alfred, his faithful butler. Alfred puts the word out on the street that he is badly in need of a loan and soon Mr. Longreen comes calling. He brings Alfred to his lair in an abandoned funeral home and provides him with the cash he needs — Alfred will just have to repay the load whenever asked, plus interest. The two of them drink a toast of wine to their business arrangement.

Upon Alfred’s return to Wayne Manor, Batman performs an extensive physical, but can find no evidence of explosives. Things start to go sour the very next day, when the Joker calls Alfred, demanding the payment of interest on his loan. Then he calls again, demanding payment of interest on the interest.

Finally, Batman is able to deduce the full nature of the Joker’s plot: he has adulterated the wine with specially timed chemical explosives so that whoever he drinks a toast with will explode a day or two later. The Joker remains safe because he took an antidote before he drank the tainted wine.

Just as the Joker and his henchmen are chortling about the butler’s impending demise, Alfred crashes in through the window and grabs the Joker, proclaiming that if he explodes, he’ll take the Joker with him. But wait! It’s only the Batman pretending to be Alfred, and now that he has the Joker in custody, he forces him to give Alfred a transfusion so that the antidote will protect Alfred as well. No more loans, no more explosions, and the Joker is off to Arkham (and as far as I know, Alfred never repaid the money, so he still has $50,000 of the Joker’s loot).

I know this story exists in the anything-can-happen world of Earth-B (a place where continuity — and often the laws of science –are ignored), but it seems to me there are some serious flaws in both the Joker’s and Batman’s plans:

1. How did the Joker know how to time his explosives? How did he know when — and if — his clients were going to default? The story tells us that one of the businessmen had been paying off the loan for six months before he finally defaulted. Did he have explosives in his blood the whole time? Or maybe he received a gift bottle of wine in the mail (except that the story states that the Joker always drank with his victim)? I’d think it was done by remote detonation if it weren’t for the Joker looking totally panicked when he sees Alfred in his lair, knowing that Alfred is going to explode in just a few minutes.

2. Transfusing the Joker’s “chemically tainted blood” into innocent Alfred seems cruel and unusual punishment for years of loyal — if at time sarcastic — service. Better hope the Joker is the same, or nearly the same, blood type as Alfred. And better hope the antidote is still in the Joker’s blood stream and still functions after the transfusion. Why not just get the Joker to reveal where the antidote is, and give that to Alfred?

Other Comic Book Transfusions

Action Comics #719 “Hazard’s Choice”
David Michelinie, writer
Kieron Dwyer, penciler

This is a Superman comic from 1996 that I recently picked up in the quarter bin. It posits an interesting moral dilemma, but the more I thought about it, the more the contrived logic of the story annoyed me.

Lois is dusting her apartment and collapses after touching a Joker doll she has on her shelf. She is rushed to the hospital where the doctor tells Superman that Lois has been poisoned and only has 2 hours to live.

Superman flies off the Gotham and meets up with the Batman. The pair follows some blind leads but eventually end up confronting the Joker at Arkham Asylum. He presents Superman with a syringe full of the same poison that is killing Lois. The Joker tells the duo that if he is injected with the poison, his “chemically altered blood” will produce antibodies which can be used to save Lois. The catch is that the poison will kill him. Will Superman take a life to save Lois?

In the end, Superman realizes that he cannot take a life — even the Joker’s — and flies off to Metropolis to be with Lois. Of course, it turns out that it’s all a moot point. Lois miraculously recovers at the 2 hour mark. It seems the Joker’s toxin was never designed to be fatal and it was all a ploy by the Joker to trick Superman into taking a life. Superman is ecstatic that Lois survived, but she doesn’t seem particularly thrilled at his choice of the Joker’s life over hers.

Batman appears in the Gotham General Emergency Room carrying an unconscious Joker. During the battle, the Joker accidentally inhaled his own Smilex and has collapsed. Batman needs him revived as soon as possible to reveal the location of the third bomb.

Dr. Koslowski (narrating): Dr. Singh decided to inject 5ccs of Adrenalin directly into the Joker’s heart. It was our only chance to save thousands of lives.

Injecting medication directly into the heart, despite what you may have seen in Pulp Fiction, is not a good idea. It’s too easy to lacerate a coronary artery (causing a massive heart attack) or inject the medication into the heart muscle (causing a fatal arrhythmia). It’s not done anymore.
Medically, we don’t call it “Adrenalin” in the United States, but instead use the term “Epinephrine”. That’s the third British medical term showing up in Gotham Central ER — definitely a British writer.
Speaking of Adrenalin, 5cc is too large of a dose.

Dr. Koslowski: At which point the Joker flatlined.

So what does the medical team do? They defibrillate him.
Once again repeat after me: Do not shock a flatline. It is a bad idea. It may work in comic book (like it does here), but in real life it doesn’t work and may actually make the situation worse.

Batman figures that the Joker’s abnormal physiology is messing with the antidote and the adrenalin, which caused him to develop an extremely high blood pressure and suffer cardiac arrest. Batman decides to lower the Joker’s blood pressure with medication and then try the treatment a second time. (No criticism here: it’s as good of an idea as any.)

Once again, the Joker suffers a cardiac arrest . This time, Batman himself jabs the Joker in the heart with a syringe full of Adrenalin. The second time’s a charm and it works! The Joker returns to consciousness and promptly escapes…which was all part of Batman’s plan; he wanted to trick the Joker into leading him to the third bomb.

Let’s count the medical errors in a mere eight pages: the Joker flatlines and is subsequently defibrillated, not to mention injected twice directly in the heart with an overdose of Adrenalin.

Note to self: Do not seek emergency medical care in Gotham City. Hold it until you reach Metropolis.

Medical criticism aside, Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #200 is a good story. I like the idea of a night in the Gotham General ER told through the eyes of an intern, and the story handles this aspect well. I’d like to see more of Dr. Koslowski and Gotham General.

Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #200 “Gotham Emergency”
Eddie Campbell and Daren White, writers
Bart Sears, artist

This comic’s a few years old, but it was just re-released as part of the Batman: Going Sane collection, so it’s fair game to discuss again. When it first came out — other than the unexplained use of a British medication name — I thought the medicine was good. However, on second review, while the authors do an excellent job conveying the feel of a hectic night in the ER, the medicine leaves a lot to be desired.

It’s a busy night in the Gotham General Hospital emergency room, and things get even worse when the Joker becomes involved. This story is told mostly through the eyes of Dr. Natalie Koslowski, an intern on the first day of her Emergency Room rotation.

Paramedic #1: Gunshot wound to the mid sternum, exit wound to back of the right shoulder. Blood pressure 100/50, Pulse 158, Respirations 36.
Paramedic #2: Unconscious upon our arrival.
Dr. Koslowski: Resuscitation. Establishment of airway and restoration of hemodynamics.

That’s a good start, Dr. K. But don’t forget the B of the ABCs of resuscitation (Airway, Breathing, and Circulation). Just getting an airway is not enough; you have to make sure the patient has good (or at least adequate) air exchange.

Dr. Koslowski: Symptoms suggest serious blood loss. Unless treated aggressively and in a timely manner it can lead to hypovolemic shock.

True, but take a look at those vitals. He’s already in hypovolemic shock.

Dr. Singh: OK. Let’s tube him, get blood gases, and 2 liters of O Neg.

Intubation is good — it establishes the airway mentioned by Dr. Koslowski (though frankly the paramedics probably should have intubated the patient before he got to the hospital).
Blood gases aren’t going to tell anything useful and are not going to improve the care of this patient one whit. Not to mention he’s being tubed, so his respiratory situation is changing (hopefully for better) and this will alter those blood gases.
Starting a blood transfusion is appropriate, but blood comes in units, not liters, in the United State. I suspect this is a second Britishism creeping into this American ER.

Finally, those paramedics didn’t do a good job at all. Looks like they wrapped the patient in a sheet, lashed him to a stretcher, and came to the ER. He should be intubated and have a couple of IV lines started already.

Cop #1: Help us. Look like Sam’s inhaled Smilex.
Dr. Singh: Rose, quickly get up to toxicology on the fourth floor. They have an antidote but it must be injected as soon as possible after inhalation.
Cop #2: Does this stuff work, man? Sam’s got kids.
Dr. Singh: It works if we can administer it quickly enough…If we get to the victim within the hour, we normally expect a coma for twenty four hours. Much beyond that it’s touch and go.

If time is of the essence, why is the antidote being stored in a closed department on another floor? Wouldn’t it make more sense to store it in the ER — at least at night, when the Toxicology department is closed?

This is only story I can recall where Joker venom is considered treatable, and one of the few where it’s called “Smilex.”

I read Countdown to Mystery and I have to say that I am not excited by the new Dr. Fate. A failed psychiatrist is the new Doctor? Come to think of it, has there ever been a successful good guy psychiatrist in comics?

Doc Samson probably comes the closest. When written by Peter David, he had his brief moments of competence. Other than that, his history is made up of failures and of non-psychiatric-related adventuring and inventing.

Dr Wolper? He didn’t have a great deal of success with either Harvey Dent or the Joker.

Dr. Arkham? Has anyone at Arkham Asylum actually been cured — or even helped?

The bad guys, on the other hand, have their share of successful psychiatrists. Some of them are so successful at being villains because they’re competent psychiatrists (Moonstone, for example). Dr. Psycho, Hugo Strange, Harley Quinn, Maxilla Yale are all good villains and proficient psychiatrist.

This good/evil competent psychiatrist dichotomy just reinforces my belief that comic book writers use “psychiatrist” as shorthand for denoting a character who is shady or sinister, but it would be nice to see an effective heroic psychiatrist every once in a while.

Detective Comics #833, 834 “Trust”
Paul Dini, writer
Don Kramer, penciler

By request of David, a look at the drowning scene in this recent storyline from Detective Comics.

The pathophysiology of drowning is actually fairly complex, but here’s a quick look at the basics: intake of fluid into the lungs disrupts the air/lung interface, preventing the diffusion of oxygen (in) and carbon dioxide (out). This leads to hypoxemia (low oxygen levels) and respiratory acidosis. These in turn lead to other significant problems including asphyxiation, cardiac arrest, and brain damage which in turn lead to death.

In an attempt to stave off drowning, an individual can hold their breath, but eventually the urge to breathe will overcome their resolve and they’ll end up taking a breath of water — or whatever medium they happen to be in at the time.

The exact anatomical mechanism behind breath holding is not clear. The glottis snaps shut, sealing off the airways. There is also thought to be involvement of some of the respiratory muscles, including the diaphragm, preventing breathing.

Because of Zatanna’s injury, it’s unlikely her glottis can close tightly enough to keep water out of her lungs even when she holds her breath. The average adult drowning victim has just 4 ml of water in their lungs — Zatanna will have much more than that. This means she’ll have an extremely difficult time taking a breath and will likely drown even if she manages to escape the water. The water leaking into her lungs should not affect her ability to hold her breath; it will only affect her when she has to take a breath.

How long can Zatanna hold her breath? The world record for humans³ is a little over 9 minutes (9 minutes and 8 seconds, to be precise). Of course, that is someone who has been specially trained and has had time to prepare beforehand. By contrast, Zatanna has been caught by surprise, shot, and dumped in a tank of water — that definitely puts her at a disadvantage. Still, I think she would be able to hold her breath for at least 30- 60 seconds, maybe even longer, which should be enough time to write “EM LEAH” on the ceiling of the tank⁴. It looks like it takes Batman another minute or two to rescue her. She’s unconscious and hypoxemic, but not dead. If Batman can restore her breathing in time, she should not suffer any permanent problems.

To me, that’s the real issue: can Batman restore her breathing in time? Medically, Zatanna is going need hospital evaluation after her near-drowning because of the amount of water she inhaled. Some Bat-CPR and a watchful eye at Wayne Manor probably isn’t going to be sufficient. She needs 100% oxygen and will most likely require intubation and admission to the intensive care unit. I don’t think she’ll be ready for round two for at best a few days, probably longer.

A cliché that seems to be popping up more and more often in super-hero comics is the unethical drug company — or unscrupulous doctor — testing their drugs on unsuspecting patients. This isn’t the Joker or some other psychopath dumping the latest batch of Smilex in the reservoir, but instead an organized drug trial carried out unethically and illegally.

Like most clichés, it can be effective when used sparingly, but that has not been the case. In the past nine months — in Gotham City alone — this overworked formula has appeared at least three times:

• Legends of the Dark Knight 204-206
• The Creeper
• Tales of the Unexpected

And that’s just one small subset of books from one company. There’s many more examples when you look at superhero comics as a whole.

Now, I’m not trying to defend drug companies (or unscrupulous doctors, for that matter), I’m just trying to call attention to an overused cliché so we can put it to rest (for a few years, at least).

With the Daytona 500 this weekend marking the beginning of the 2007 NASCAR season, I thought this would be a good time to look at the history of NASCAR and comic books. What’s the point of being a vocal comic book and NASCAR fan if I can’t put it to good use?

Contrary to popular belief, the National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing — better known as NASCAR — actually has a fairly substantial association with comic books — both as a subject and as a sponsor — starting in the early 1990s.

Beginning in 1991, Vortex Comics published a number of NASCAR-related comics. There was The Daytona 500 Story, which related the history of the race of the same name. Legends of NASCAR ran for 16 issues, and each issue featured the biography of a different racing champion. The art was surprisingly good with pencils by artists including Herb Trimpe and Don Heck. There was also a Legends of NASCAR Christmas Special — and, true to the spirit of comic books in the ’90s — a hologram cover. Vortex also published NASCAR Adventures which, like Legends of NASCAR, profiled a different racer in each issue. It originally ran for 2 issues, but then came back with a #5, and a little later with a #7. To the best of my knowledge there was never a #3, 4, or 6. For the kids, Vortex published the one-shot Adventures of the NASCUBS, featuring anthropomorphic race car driving animals as well as the “Official Mascots of NASCAR.” The NASCUB characters have never been seen again.

In 1998, at the UAW-GM Quality 500 at Charlotte Motor Speedway (now known as Lowe’s Motor Speedway), Dale Jarrett competed in a special Batman themed car. His teammate, the late Kenny Irwin, raced in a Joker car.

In 1999, DC released Superman Meets the Motorsports Champions, a one-shot comic book starring Superman (surprise!) as well as 9 different race drivers including Jeff Gordon and Dale Earnhardt Jr (back when he was driving exclusively in the Busch Series). The comic was written by Chuck Dixon with art by Paul Ryan and was available only at K-Mart stores. Later that year, Jeff Gordon raced a Superman themed car in the Winston (the NASCAR all-star race) and Dale Earnhardt Jr. raced another in the Phoenix 300.

In 2000, Custom Comics of America released RaceWarriors (probably not the best name for a comic), which purported to tell the story of stock car racing in the year 2020. Each issue also featured a backup feature on a famous NASCAR driver. It was an ambitious project, as the initial covers stated “A new edition each week” and “Collect all 38 issues!” Presumably, they were going to release a comic for each week of the racing season, including the off weeks. However, by issue #9 the blurb on the cover had changed to “A new edition every 2 weeks” and issue #10 had “A new edition ever month.” There was no issue #11.

In 2001, Bill Elliot (#9) and Casey Atwood (#19) both raced special Spider-Man themed cars at that year’s UAW-GM Quality 500 in Charlotte. Ironically, both of them were driving Dodges. These were the best looking Spider-Man cars by far, much better than the ones designed to advertise the Spider-Man films.

In April 2002, at the Texas Motorsports 300 (a Busch Series race), Lyndon Amick raced a Spider-Man/Dr. Pepper themed car to advertise the upcoming Spider-Man motion picture.

In August 2004, Hot Wheels sponsored a Justice League Racing Weekend at the Michigan International Speedway with several Justice League themed cars racing on both days. In the Busch Series race on August 21st, there were Flash, Batman, and Martian Manhunter cars. The next day, at the main Nextel Series event, there were Flash, Green Lantern, Batman, Superman, and Wonder Woman Cars. There was also a general “Justice League” car showing all the heroes. The villains weren’t left out either; they were featured on the pace car. Appropriately, Greg Biffle in the #16 Flash car won the race.

Not content with his name on just a few cars, Batman had an entire race named after him. The June 19, 2005 race at the Michigan International Speedway was officially known as the “Batman Begins 400.” Mark Martin also raced a Batman Begins themed car in the event.

In 2006, Jeff Gordon raced a Superman Returns car in the July 1st Pepsi 400 at the Daytona Motor Speedway.

This year the NASCAR/comic book connection continues. We have already had NASCAR featured in Archie #572, and later in the year comes the NASCAR Heroes series by NASCAR Comics.

I’ll admit up front that this is probably a nitpick, but a key one (from a medical perspective, at least).

Despite having all the latest and greatest in technological wonders, Alfred still makes a beginner’s error in this surgery scene from Batman #658. Look at the two panels and see if you can spot the mistake. (And for those of you who are really eagle-eyed — or the “World’s Greatest Detective” — there are a couple of other nit-picks in the first panel.)

This is not a criticism of Kubert’s art — as usual, it looks great, and I like the care he takes such as adding the dinosaur and Joker’s card. It’s just about fine tuning the medical details.

Scenes from Batman #658. Script by Grant Morrison, pencils by Andy Kubert

Previous picture quizzes

This year, I’m going to start my annual recap of the year in comic book medicine with a look at the Worst Comic Book Medicine of 2006 because that’s the part everybody loves best anyway. This year, there were no comic books with horribly bad medicine, but there were still too many with medical mistakes.

Worst Depiction of Medicine:
Nothing this year was as astoundingly bad as the winners from the past two years, so I’m going to go with a soft call and award Renee Montoya’s Magic Cast from the high-profile 52 the “Worst Depiction of Medicine in 2006.“ Is it a short arm cast? Long-arm? Splint? Who knows — it changes from issue to issue (and panel to panel).
This year’s worst OR scene was in Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man #3.

Worst Doctor:
Hush wins the award of worst doctor this year for his part in the Joker/pacemaker storyline in Batman: Gotham Knights #73-74.

Worst Single Medical or Scientific Concept:
Ultimate Spiderman #98, for revealing that chimpanzee DNA is closer to Peter Parker’s DNA than the DNA from his own clone.

Worst Imaginary Medicine or Treatment:
Spider-Woman’s breast implants. Well at least the truth is out there now.

Dishonorable Mentions:
For comics that went benarth beneath and below the call of duty, delivering scenes fraught with horrible medicine and science.

• Ex Machina #18-19, for confusing ricin wih sarin
• Batman Annual #25 for leaving Jason Todd’s stiches in for over a year.
• The use of lithium (the lithium used in rechargeable batteries) during an emergency resuscitation in Generation M #5
• The intentional stopping/starting of Crimson Dynamo’s heart in Iron Man #7.

Tomorrow, I’ll take a look at the Best of Comic Book Medicine over the past year.

Previous “Worst of the Year”: The Worst Comic Book Medicine of 2005 The Worst Comic Book Medicine of 2004

Dr. Harleen Quinzel was a psychiatrist who managed to make it through both college and medical school relying on her personal charms and womanly wiles rather than any actual skill or ability. She applied for an internship at Arkham Asylum with the plan of turning her experiences into a best-selling tell-all book later. However, upon arriving at the Asylum, she found herself attracted to the Joker. She managed to persuade her boss into letting her conduct therapy sessions with him, but she was the one who underwent therapy. These were far from normal counseling sessions, and the Joker manipulated Harleen, tugging at her heartstrings and telling her waht she wanted to hear. After one of his escapes and post-pumelling return by Batman, she snapped, stole greasepaint and a costume and became Harley Quinn (This is according to the excellent one-shot comic Mad Love — set in the Batman Adventures continuity — by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm. The regular continuity Harley Quinn has a slightly different origin, but the key points are all the same. All images in this post are from Mad Love.)

Harley Quinn orignated on the Batman Adventures television cartoon (in episode #22, to be exact), but proved so popular she quickly appeared in the regular continuity comics as well. She even had her own 38 issue series from 2000 to 2004.

Since becoming Harley Quinn, Dr. Quinzel has rarely been shown to use her psychiatric skills and training. I recall one storyline (in Catwoman #89) where she used them in an attempt to brainwash Catwoman, but that was about it. Well, it’s not like she really paid attention in class anyway.

Remember what I said in an ealier post about psychiatrists — that they’re comic book shorthand for characters who are “off,” “creepy,” and “up to something.” As far as I’m concerned, this applies to Harley as well. She can be a fun character, but when you get right down to it, there’s something unnerving and more than a little creepy about the her.

• The Wikipedia entry on Harley Quinn.
• Harley Quinn fansites: Harley’s Haven and Harley’s Heaven.
• Gotham Girls, online WB Dini-verse cartoon starring Catwoman, Poison Ivy, and Harley Quinn.
• Funny, she doesn’t look Jewish.
• Harley Quinn in Batman: the Animated Series.
• Arleen Sorkin, the voice of Harley Quinn
• The Birds of Prey TV series, with Mia Sara as Dr. Harleen Quinzel. (Mia Sara is probably best known for her role as Sloane Peterson, Ferris Bueller’s girlfriend in the classic ’80s movie.)
• Harley Quinn Micro-Heroes (scroll to the bottom of the page) and Thrillkiller Micro-Heroes, including that version of Harley.
• The IMDB entry on Harley Quinn Smith, daughter of director and alleged comic book writer (Whatever happened to the Bullseye miniseries? Three and a half years and counting) Kevin Smith.

I’m just wondering why the emergency medicine intern at Gotham General Hospital is ordering paracetamol — a British drug — for her patient? Paracetamol is the British name for what we in the States call acetaminophen – probably better known by its brand name Tylenol.

It also seems to me that acetaminophen is a pretty weak pain killer for a patient who has suffered so much facial trauma that he needs a surgeon. If I were the patient, I know I’d want something stronger.

(I suspect we can blame Eddie Campbell, the British co-writer of this issue, for the use of paracetamol.)

• Despite my nit-picking, the emergency medicine in this comic (Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #200) is very well done. The narrative drags a little bit in the second half when it degrades into a moderately inventive “find the bomb before it explodes” storyline. The medicine in this comic actually deserves a post of its own, which I’ll get to sometime next week (hopefully).
• I notice that Joker’s venom, at least its gaseous form, is called Smilex in this comic. Is this the first time the name Smilex has been used in an in-continuity Bat title? As far as I know, the name orginated in the Tim Burton Batman movie.

A different kindof PSA tonight. A one-page, one-image PSA featuring James Gordon in the hospital.

Was it the Joker? Did Bane take out the commissioner? Or Poison Ivy? Riddler? Two Face?

Nope. It was the Marlboros. (And a bum ticker. And probably lots of donuts. And stress — did I mention stress?)

This anti-smoking message was brought to you by the American Heart Association, DC Comics, and the GCPD.

This PSA (found in Flash #58, January 1992) is an interesting one for several reasons:

• It is one of the few to actually address events that occurred in continuity.
• It focuses not on a teen hero or a schoolkid that children are supposed to relate to, but instead on a late-middle age chain smoking cop. So for all you 40-or-older cigarette-smoking comic book readers, this one’s for you.

And now to revert to form and be a total nit-picker: What’s with those electrodes on his chest? And why is his heart rhythm sinusoidal? That can’t be good. Why would the monitor be tilted down? Who’s his doctor, Ray Palmer? At least they drew his IV correctly.

Other comic book connection to Caesar…

Batman: Gotham Knights #74 “Payback, part 2“
A.J. Lieberman, writer
Diego Olmos, writer

Hush at first decides to cut out the pacemaker himself, but then decides it would too risky (but not before anesthetizing himself with heroin). He comes to Bruce Wayne for help. Bruce agrees to help, but only if Hush checks himself into Arkham. Reluctantly Hush agrees and the pacemaker is removed. He then escapes the asylum and goes looking for the Joker. Batman confronts him and suggests that maybe the pacemaker was never removed; maybe Batman has changed the rules henormally follows. As the story ends the reader is left to wonder whether or not the pacemaker was removed or not.

Sadly, there are quite a few glaring medical errors in this issue of Batman: Gotham Knights.

1. Hush grabs his right side when he’s having heart pain. [pages 6, 11]

2. A pacemaker surgery is not the major heart surgery the writer makes it out to be. It is a fairly minor same-day surgery that takes about 3 hours. An overnight stay in the hospital is rarely required. [pages 6, 20]
From the Healthy Hearts site:

The procedure is performed with mild sedation and a local anesthetic. Patients are not put to sleep. A 2 inch incision is made parallel to and just below a collar bone. Pacer wires are then inserted into a vein that lies just under the collarbone and advanced through that vein under fluoroscopic guidance into the heart. The other end of the pacer wires are connected to a “generator” that is implanted under the skin beneath the collar bone. This generator is about half an inch deep and one and a half inches wide. The skin is then sutured closed and the patient leaves the hospital later than same day or the following day. Incisional pain is mild and transient and usually responds to Tylenol. It is possible to feel the pacer generator under the skin and a slight deformity of the skin can be visually noticed.

3. Why did Thomas Elliot, a neurosurgeon, study under David Gilmour, a cardiac surgeon? (And did David Gilmour become a surgeon before or after Pink Floyd?) [page 5]

4. According to the story, the Joker had the pacemaker implanted via the femoral artery so Hush wouldn’t discover it. It’s theoretically possible I guess, but then the pacemaker unit would be in the thigh with long wires leading up to the heart (and Hush would definitely be able to tell a deck-of-card-sized piece of metal was in his leg). In the x-rays shown in the comic, the setup is completely backwards of what is described, with the pacemaker unit in the chest and wires running down the leg. [page 10]

• And since when does the femoral artery go all the way to the foot? [page 10]
• I know I complimented the artist on his well-drawn pacemakers last issue. No so this issue. Did he lose the reference? [page 10]
• The x-ray is taken wrong as well. Hush is leaning against the machine, but there is no film cartridge behind him. He’s radiating himself for nothing. [still on page 10]

5. Hush, a brilliant neurosurgeon, is not smart enough to realize that 3 weeks have passed instead of mere minutes, and that now he has a chunk of metal in his body and a 2-inch scar on his leg? [pages 5, 6]

6. Why would Hush even consider using heroin as an anesthetic? I’ll grant you that it is a morphine derivative and would kill most of the pain, but he would be far too impaired from the drug to perform surgery. [pages 10, 11]

• In an earlier issue, Hush used the fancy anesthetic narcopropaline to kidnap Alfred. Why not use it now?
• Hush is injecting the medication into an arm bent at more than a 90-degree angle. That’s going to make the vein nearly impossible to find. Think about it, whenever you have blood drawn, give blood, have an IV placed, or inject medication the arm is always held straight. Any doctor, nurse (or junkie, for that matter) knows better than to try it with the arm bent. [page 11]

Batman: Gotham Knights #73 “Payback”
A.J. Lieberman, writer
Diego Olmas, penciler

The Set-Up: Three people in Gotham City suffer sudden cardiac death: a traffic copter pilot, a business woman, and a train engineer. Autopsies showed that not only did all three of these people die of a heart attack, but that they all had a particular model of pacemaker made by WayneTech. Batman deduces that somehow someone is overriding the pacemaker’s frequency leading to a rapid heart rate which causes a heart attack. He accuses Hush, but he knows nothing about the pacemakers.
It turns out that the Joker has taken up bird training and has been using a clicker to train his birds. Coincidentally, he has discovered that this clicker causes WayneTech pacemakers to speed up so much that they cause heart attacks. He decides to use this information to get back at Hush and Batman.

Topic One: A big typo. This is one of those typos that strikes me as funny because it actually changes the meaning of the sentence significantly.

Medical examiner: “…Each one of these people died of amyocardial infarction.”

It should be a myocardial infarction, not amyocardial infarction. Myocardial infarction is the medical term for a heart attack. There is a blockage in one of the arteries that supplies the heart with blood and consequently part of the heart dies from lack of oxygen. If a big enough portion of the heart dies, the patient will too.

Amyocardial is not a word. But bear in mind that the prefix “a-” when added to medical terms means “without” or “absence of” — for example asplenia refers to someone who is lacking a spleen. Therefore amyocardial infarction would be an infarction not involving the heart.

Topic Two: The autopsies. Sloppy, sloppy work. Autopsies use a Y incision, not the chainsaw-style down the middle incision shown here. The medical examiner is also mixing specimens up. The three pacemakers should be kept separate and labeled, not all kept in one bin.

Topic Three: The pacemakers. Well drawn. Good job.

Topic Four: Could the Joker’s plan really work? Could you increase a pacemaker’s rate enought that it would be fast enough to kill someone? Theoretically yes, but death would probably be from a fatal rhythm, not a heart attack.

There is a rare phenomenon known as runaway pacemaker. In these instances, the pacemaker’s rate increases to an incredibly rapid level. In the early days of pacemakers (the 1970s), this led to a few deaths from a lethal arrhythmia known as ventricular fibrillation. In today’s modern pacemakers, runaway pacing can happen, but only very rarely, and there have been no deaths associated with it for many years. There are two main reasons for this: 1) pacemakers have a programmed upper limit to their rate, and 2) the faster the pacemaker fires, the lower the voltage, so at high rates it doesn’t give off enough electricity to start a contraction. The most common symptoms of runaway pacing are dizziness, light-headedness, and the sensation of an irregular heart beat.

Theoretically, I could imagine that a rapid heart rate from a malfunctioning pacemaker might cause a heart attack in a susceptible individual, but there have never been any recorded cases of this happening. If a malfunctioning pacemaker were to cause a rapid heart rate leading to death (a very big if), it would be more likely from a fatal heart rhythm than from a heart attack.

I’m going to spend the next few posts looking into the medicine behind the recent storyline in Batman: Gotham Knights. Before I get into that, I wanted to spend a moment to give my general opinion of the story:

I didn’t like it. It’s not because of the medicine, though there was quite a bit of bad medicine in it. It’s just an uninteresting and uninspired story with bland, overused characters and no resolution of the problem.

Though this appears in Batman: Gotham Knights, it is not a Batman story. He appears as a supporting character, but he isn’t the focus. This is a story about villains. That is not in and of itself a bad thing. With the right characters and the correct writer, villains can certainly carry a story on their own — just look at the recent Injustice League storyline in JSA Classified. Hush and Joker can’t pull it off though.

In a nutshell, here’s what’s wrong with the story:

1. The Villains
• The Joker – It’s time to put the Joker out to pasture. Sure, he’s the most recognizable Bat-villain — but he’s also the most overused. He’s been so diluted that he lacks any hint of a threat anymore, so writers keep trying to up the ante and make him seem formidable by having him kill more and more innocents.
  As an example of how overused the Joker is, the same time he is appearing in this story trying to kill Hush, he is also appearing in Batman where he is kidnapped by the Red Hood and blown up.
• Hush — I’ve made my low opinion of Hush known on many occasions, and this storyline does nothing to change my mind. I’m reading about this guy running frantically through the rain, looking like a combination of Mumm-ra and a flasher, and I’m wondering if he’s still going to be around in 10 years*? How about 5 years? How about next year? To quote Sixteen Candles: “There’s no there there.”
2. The Threat

At the beginning of the storyline, the threat is laid out: the Joker has a device that can kill people who have a Waynetech pacemaker. At the end of the storyline, the Joker has a device that can kill people who have a Waynetech pacemaker. The threat is never resolved.

3. The Ending

A clever ending that leaves you guessing? Or a lame attempt to make a poor story seem more interesting than it actually is? You decide.

*I predict that in a few years there will be a big Bat-storyline that will be advertised as having the death of a “major villain.” This villain will be Hush. This way DC can get rid of this ridiculously lame villain, but still pretend that he was something special.

Day Twenty-Two of the Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar Countdown. Only three more days until Christmas.

He’s keeping a list, checking it twice. He’s going to find out who’s naughty or nice.

You might have thought that the song is about Santa Claus, but it’s not; it’s really about Batman. With his satellites and Batcave computer — Santa has nothing on Batman. Today’s cover is Batman: The Long Halloween #3, from February 1997, featuring Christmas Joker-style.

ThreeDays until Christmas!
click on image for larger view

Last year, the final comic was The Legends of NASCAR Christmas Special. What comic book can possibly top that? In just three more days you can find out!

Please visit Yet Another Comics Blog for Dave’s Annual CBLDF Fund Drive.

I spent the better part of the past weekend reading the Batman: No Man’s Land storyline. I only picked up a few peripheral Batman titles when this was originally published in 1999, so I missed most of the story.

For those of you unfamiliar with the plot: Gotham City has been demolished by a severe earthquake. Rather than rebuild the city, the government instead decides to abandon it. The residents are evacuated and all access to the city destroyed. Gotham City is declared a “no man’s land” and anyone left inside is considered an outlaw. The military is called in to enforce the borders. No aid of any sort will be given to Gotham’s remaining residents.

As the dust settles, different areas of the city have been claimed by different gangs. City block by city block, Batman and his associates, along with the remaining GCPD officers, reclaim Gotham City. As a final act, they head off an attempt by Lex Luthor to take over the city.

No Man’s Land was an overarching storyline that lasted for just under a year. Within this storyline there were several smaller story arcs* and some done-in-one stories.

Although it was dragging by the end, this was one of the better Batman storylines of the past few years. It was certainly better than War Games and Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive/DDR Champion. Until the very end (the conclusion of the Joker arc), it managed to avoid the unnecessary and wanton murders that have populated the Bat books as of late.

*The individual story arcs within No Man’s Land used the same technique Marvel has been widely criticized for using in its upcoming Spider-Man: the Other storyline — the same creative team writing and drawing all the cross-over books in a particular month. The stories definitely benefited from this unified presentation, though admittedly DC wasn’t trying to launch a new ongoing Bat book at the same time.

Pork Barrel Spending in Metropolis
by Lois Lane, Daily Planet staff

There has been a great deal of attention focused recently on excessive government spending, particularly in the wake of the devastation resulting from Hurricane Katrina and the billions of dollars that will be necessary to rebuild the storm ravaged areas. Leading the charge against congressional pork barrel spending has been a loose coalition of bloggers and other on-line activists. The web site Pork Busters pays testament to their activities.

Many senators and congressmen have addressed the topic at hand. A few have agreed to cut projects, but most have denied that their particular pet projects are in any way pork barrel spending. Given his usual loquaciousness, the congressman from Metropolis has been strangely silent on this topic. Constituents sending letters or e-mails to his office received a brief and poorly spelled form-letter in reply.

After repeated calls from the Daily Planet, Representative Levitz reluctantly agreed to address Congressional pork spending when he spoke to the crowd at a recent pancake breakfast fundraiser for the Committee to Re-elect Pete Ross (CREEPeR).

After the meal was served, Representative Levitz stepped to the podium and spoke:

What many uninformed people see as “Pork” are actually extremely important projects. For example, reinforced vibranium walls for City Hall are a necessity! In a world with criminals like the Joker, the Shocker and Joe Quesada running around, municipal employees deserve adequate protection!

This announcement was met with scattered applause, particularly from the people seated on the stage.

Hurricane Katrina and the Gotham City earthquake have demonstrated how quickly civil government can break down in a disaster. Rather than leave our lives in the hands of a handful of a few fickle costumed vigilantes, I have proposed the creation of the Levitz Armed Mandroid Exigency Situation Team. In the event of a disaster, these Mandroids will be activated and used pre-emptively to provide security and order in this fair city. Again, this is not a Pork project, but rather a means of keeping a responsible individual in control during a possible disaster…namely me.

There have been questions about the Metropolis highway funding as well. A city the size of Metropolis attracts a large number of costumed indiviuduals, both so-called “super-heroes” and “super-villains.” The unlawful activities of these costumed rough-necks routinely have a detrimental effect upon our city’s infrastructure. We desperately need these Federal highway funds to repair the streets of Metropolis. The fact that these street repairs are carried out by a subsidiary of LexCorp is purely coincidental.

Finally, let me remind my constituency that my record speaks for itself. I am against excessive, superfluous and redundant government expenditures. I voted against both of President Luthor’s Battlesuit Bills as well as his needlessly expensive Kryptonian Deportation Depot.

When asked about whether the money spent on the giant robot standing beside him could be better spent elsewhere, Representative Levitz stated:

In this day and age, personal safety is a priority for everyone and this is especially true for elected public officials. This Mark-5 Sentinel is not an example of Pork spending, but instead a vitally important aspect of the War against Terror.

At this point, Representative Levitz quickly left the breakfast, mumbling something about an upcoming “Crisis.”

Let’s get this out of the way early: the very idea that Dr. Tompkins would let Stephanie Brown die just to make a point to Batman is ludricous and demeans what had been an outstanding character until that time. There’s simply no way that she would have let anyone die, let alone a patient she knw personally. Plus she knew that the death of a Robin just makes Batman more intense, not less.

Then she “burns her medical license” and runs off to staff an aid station in Africa, but not before setting up a trust fund for Stephanie’s child. In today’s electronic society, burning a license doesn’t accomplish anything. Her license will still be easy to obtain online. And what good is it to set up a trust fund for Stephanie’s child? The baby was given up for adoption years ago and never knew Stephanie. To be brutally honest, Stephanie’s death will have exactly zero effect on the child.

Then Batman tells her Leslie he knows what she did and if she ever practices medicine again anywhere in the world, he’ll turn her in for murder. So someone kills one of Batman’s associates — and admits it — and Batman just lets her go as long as she never practices medicine again? How is justice served in that? It’s a lose/lose scenario.

And what about the medicine? We are told that Stephanie died because medication was withheld. Stephanie was beaten and tortured by the Black Mask. She suffered internal bleeding and several fractures. Those are surgical emergencies, not strictly “medical” ones. No medication is going to fix those problems so I’m not sure what medicine Leslie could have withheld that would have killed Stephanie.

Speaking of Black Mask, since when did it become a race among Bat-villains to see who can get the highest bodycount? It’s sickening. I can understand Joker being a mass murderer — he is psychotic after all. I get disgusted when writers feel they have to develop “street cred” for their villains by having them kill everyone they can get their hands on. First Hush gratutiously killed a boatload of fishermen in Gotham Knights and now Black Mask kills “two armed guards, three civilian bystanders and the presiding arraignment judge.” This was also a stupid move on Black Mask’s part — recent events have shown how upset people get when judges and policeman are killed and he just murdered three of them. He may be a “super villain”, but I find it hard to believe the police wouldn’t start cracking down on all his businesses and business associates in revenge.

• Previous post on Batman #644

Batman #644 “War Crimes Part 4: Judgment at Gotham”
Bill Willingham, writer
Giuseppe Camuncoli, penciler

According to Alexander Pope’s Essay on Criticism: A Little Learning is a Dangerous Thing.

Batman illustrates this concept perfectly in the recent Batman #644. Black Mask has been shot in the face with acid by the Joker. Remembering from his “grade school chemistry” that bases neutralize acids, Batman sprays the Black Mask with an alkali solution (i.e. a base) to counteract the acid.

It is true that equivalent amounts of an acid and a base will react to form water and a salt (not necessarily table salt, but any one of a number of chemical salts). The key word here is “react.” This neutralization is a chemical reaction that generates a tremendous amount of heat. Trying to neutralize a chemical burn in this manner causes thermal burns in addition to the chemical burns. The proper way to treat an acid burn is prompt irrigation of the wound with a large amount of water. Studies have conclusively proven that attempting to “neutralize” a chemical burn does far more damage than just irrigating it with water.

Additionally, you’ll notice Batman sprays the Black Mask with quite a large amount of the base. Although acids have the bad reputation, alkali solutions are often more damaging than acidic ones (just ask any cement worker about lime burns). Acids cause a rapid scarring of the skin and this prevents deeper damage. Bases, on the other hand, have good tissue pentration and because of this they cause a great deal more damage. For example, 2 to 3 hours of irrigation are typically used to treat an acid burn while twelve hours are required for an alkali burn. (This also shows the flaw in Joker’s plan for the acid dart to “burrow into the brain.” The formation of scar tissue would prevent that from happening).

So not only did Batman cause more damage to the Black Mask by trying to chemically neutralize the acid instead of washing it away, the base he sprayed on the Black Mask has the potential to be more dangerous than the Joker’s acid ever was.

“Topsy Turvy” in The Batman featured the return of the Joker. I really like the Joker’s initial appearance in the series; it was the first time I’ve ever seen the villain truly seem psychotic and homicidal, not just goofy. This time around, it was a pretty generic Joker story with nothing particularly homicidal or maniacal about it. A gun that turns people into playing cards? Sounds like a leftover prop from the Adam West series.

The Teen Titans “Birthmark” was a set-up episode. Slade is back, but this time he’s doing prep work for another big baddy (Trigon, presumably). It all centers on Raven, but she’s being tight-lipped as usual. Some decent action, but it’s mostly exposition, foreshadowing and people getting knocked into walls. What is is with the giant gears in this series? Also, I just don’t see Slade calling someone else “master.” He’s too much of an egotist for that, even if they did bring him back from the dead.

“The Cat and the Canary” was the Justice League Unlimited episode this week. Between Black Canary and Supergirl, Green Arrow seems to be the go-to guy for non-League problems. Must be the Robin Hood hat. Girls dig the hat… The episode was OK, but not great — and with that cast it should have bean unforgettable. I thought Dennis Farina was great as Wildcat and Morena Baccarin (Inara from Firefly) was a good Black Canary, and it was fun trying to name the villains*. (Roulette is the newest comic book villain I’ve seen yet; she’s only been around about three years or so.) Still, with that ending, it was basically Amok Time, JLU style.

And I definitely feel cheated by Canary’s scream.

* I saw Sports Master, Tracer, Atomic Skull, Electrocutioner, Hellgrammite, Roulette, Bloodsport and Evil Star

No Teen Titans or Justice League Unlimited this week; instead we got G.I. Joe: Venom vs. Valor. Not quite a fair trade (I watched some Black Adder with my father-in-law instead).

There was a new Batman this week: “The Big Dummy.” The villain, as the name suggests, was Scarface. Instead of the comic’s Al Capone look, this dummy had an Al Pacino in Scarface look going for him…if the name fits, I guess. The episode wasn’t all that interesting, really. Scarface and his mob (of two) are robbing a bunch of high-tech companies in order to build a giant robot Scarface (because if there’s one thing that maladjusted ventriloquists know, it’s how to build a giant robot). There was a little bit of an intriguing sideplot with Bruce Wayne going out on a date with a cute female psychologist. It went nowhere, but hopefully we’ll see more of the psychologist in future episodes.

I am puzzled by the choice of villains so far. I can understand the classics such as Joker, Penguin and Catwoman. Man-Bat’s in the classic group for his concept and visuals, if nothing else. I’ll even throw Bane in this group. Then there are the second stringers such as Scarface. Cluemaster doesn’t even rate second string. What about all the other classic villains? Killer Croc, Poison Ivy, Scarecrow or the Riddler? If you’re going to have second- and third-rate villains then what about Signalman? A good villain can liven up a bad script, but there’s not much you can do with a mediocre script and a poor villain.

Another week, another good JLU episode. This one was primarily about Booster Gold, who stayed true to his comic book roots as a shallow “hero” interested mostly in fame and fortune. The humor quotient was high, with the recurring joke that everyone thought Booster was Green Lantern. His sycophantic robot pal Skeets was worth the price of admission all by himself (his best line: “I got nothing.”).

The backdrop of this episode was a battle with the supremely powerful Mordru. Hero after hero was called in to help, including – reluctantly (to J’onn that is, Booster was ecstatic) – Booster Gold. The episode was strongly reminiscent of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode “The Zeppo” which focused entirely on Xander while the rest of the gang was off fighting an apocalyptic monster in the background. Similarly, this episode focused on Booster while the rest of the Justice League was in the background fighting the big baddy. While Mordru was beaten in the end, his defeat was just a minor part of the plot.

Elongated Man had a nice role in this episode as well. Initially he was assigned to help Booster with crowd control because Plastic Man was already in the front lines and they “didn’t need two stretchy guys.” He ended up saving the day in the end, though.

Heroes shown included Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern, Elongated Man, Booster (but sadly no Beetle), Fire, Ice, Hawk, Dove, Vigilante, Aztek, Vibe (!), Stars, S.T.R.I.P.E., Captain Atom, the Shining Knight, the Huntress and Plastic Man (mentioned, but not seen).

I also managed to catch the new Batman series this morning. It was not anywhere as good as Batman the Animated Series, but much better then the Batman cartoons from the 1970s. It was an enjoyable show, though clearly aimed at a less sophisticated audience than Justice League Unlimited. The way that Bruce Wayne was drawn reminded me too much of Jackie Chan from the Jackie Chan Adventures. The new Joker was quite imposing and much more physical than previous incarnations of the character; he was the first Joker to actually seem frightening. I liked the new look for Wayne Manor in the way it resembled a medieval fortress as opposed to the previously pictured stately manor.

The plot was fairly straightforward. Batman has been prowling the streets of Gotham for three years. The Joker, a previously unknown villain, breaks into Arkham Asylum and frees most of the inmates. He and Batman tangle but the Joker escapes. Batman tracks down Joker to his lair, but the Joker flees in a hot air balloon filled with Joker gas. Batman catches him, they fight, and Joker ends up back at Arkham, this time as an inmate himself. Meanwhile the Gotham City police are trying to track down this urban legend known as Batman…

I’ll certainly watch The Batman again, but I’m looking forward to the imminent arrival of my Batman the Animated Series DVDs more.

In the comments to yesterday’s post on the Riddler and Hush, Dave Lawson brings up the point that the Riddler is keeping quiet because of the threat of Ra’s Al Ghul, not because other villains wouldn’t believe him. Dave is right, in Batman #619, Batman does threaten the Riddler with the League of Assassins.

However, the exchange I was referring to occurs on the page before that, where Batman confronts the Riddler about knowing his identity. Batman tells the Riddler that he knows he won’t tell others because “a riddle is worthless if everyone knows the answer.”

Umm…I guess that’s true. But:
1) The Riddler already told Thomas Elliot. What’s one or two more? I’m sure Batman’s identity is worth some big money to the right people.
2) Batman’s identity is a secret, not a riddle. The two are not the same thing.

In terms of Ra’s and the League if Assassins:
1) Surely Batman’s villains have figured out his “no kill” clause by now. Wouldn’t this lessen Batman’s threat (because telling Ra’s would be essentially the same as killing the Riddler)
2) Thanks to Death and the Maidens, Ra’s is now dead…

Clearly, I misinterpreted the end of Hush and parts of my original post were wrong. Batman has no fear that the Riddler will expose his identity — not because no one will believe him (as I originally thought), but because Batman believes the Riddler will tell no one. (And if he does, he’ll tell Ra’s who was using his Lazarus pit).

The rest of my post still stands. The ending of Hush is still indicative of Loeb taking the easy way out, and this ending is even more full of holes than what I thought originally. My concern with Batman: Gotham Knights still exists. If Batman’s identity is a riddle, then so is the identity of the Joker’s wife’s killers, and he would be as loathe to share it.

Dave does bring up another good point: what happened to Jason Todd’s body?

As anyone reading my last post can surmise, I was not a big fan of the Hush storyline in Batman. It was overwrought, underdrawn, and padded in terms of both characters and storyline. Sure, Jim Lee can draw. But remember when he used to draw action instead of pin-ups? Remember when characters were added to the story to add substance, not to give the artist another character to draw (and DC Direct another statue to sell)? Sigh.

Still, I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when Jeph Loeb was pitching the story to Paul Levitz, President of DC…

Jeph: Paul. I’ve got this great idea for a new Batman villain…Hush!
Paul (whispering): What’s his name?
Jeph: Hush!
Paul (still whispering): I’m being as quiet as I can!
Jeph: No, Hush is his name!
Paul: Oh. What are his powers?
Jeph: He’s a neurosurgeon!
Paul: A neurosurgeon?
Jeph: He’s the best damned neurosurgeon in the whole world!
Paul: Oh. Who is he?
Jeph: I’m going to introduce Bruce Wayne’s best friend from childhood in the first issue. That’s who Hush will be! I’ll fool everyone!
Paul: So you’re going to fool everyone by having him be the obvious choice?
Jeph: Exactly!
Paul: Oh. And what sort of costume will he have?
Jeph: It’s brilliant in its simplicity and originality: He’ll wear a trench coat and have bandages around his head!
Paul: So Batman’s new villain will look like the Unknown Soldier.
Jeph: And I’ll have Two-Face seek redemption by getting plastic surgery!
Paul: Didn’t Frank Miller already do that in Dark Knight Returns?
Jeph: No, he copied me.
Paul: What?
Jeph: You see, Dark Knight Returns is set in the future, and therefore will happen after my story. Thus, Miller copied me!
Paul: I don’t think that-
Jeph: And I’ll have Catwoman, Superman, and Krypto. And there’ll be Poison Ivy, Harlequin, the Joker, Clayface, Huntress, and Killer Croc! I’m even thinking about bringing back Signalman! And Benedict Arnold!
Paul: Jeph, how are you going to get people to buy this alleged “masterpiece.”
Jeph: I’ll have Jim Lee do the art.
Paul: Well, OK then. Sounds good.

One of the concluding ideas of the Hush storyline in Batman was that the Riddler knew that Bruce Wayne was Batman, but that it didn’t really matter because nobody would believe him because he was the Riddler.

Barely a year later, the Joker is saving the Riddler’s life in Batman: Gotham Knights because he wants to find out from the Riddler who killed his wife. Clearly he believes what the Riddler will tell him about this, so why wouldn’t he believe him about Batman?

It seems to me that Loeb just wrote himself into a corner in Batman, then decided it didn’t matter and went for the easy way out.

Speaking of the current Gotham Knight storyline. It’s trying to make Hush into a more fearsome villain, and for the most part it’s succeeding, but Hush still has a long, long way to go. I have to ask: why bother? Hush offers nothing other villains with more style don’t already offer. Sure, he’s better then Benedict Arnold, but just barely (and Arnold’s a snappier dresser). Again, it seems that DC has painted itself into a corner by promoting Hush, and is now trying to prove (to us, and to themselves) that he is a good villain. Please don’t. Just stop now. Please!