Polite Dissent

Only three days left until Christmas, and what would a Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar be without a visit from Santa’s rebellious daughter, Jingle Belle? This year, issue #3 of her Dark Horse series is featured.

Jingle Belle #3
(Dark Horse Comics, February 2005)

Click on the cover for larger view

3 Days until Christmas!

The criminal who discovered Jor-El’s super-power pills has escaped from prison and rumor has it that he has hidden one last pill somewhere. Superman, Batman, and Robin rush off to capture him before he can reach the pill, but the criminal slips by them. Batwoman (the mini-skirted all-but-incompetent Silver Age Batwoman, not the current one) decides she wants in on the act. She manages to find the villain and grabs his pill before he can swallow it. She then swallows the pill herself — and with her new super-powers — returns the criminal to prison.

Now that Batwoman has super-powers for the next twenty-four hours, how do you think she decides to use them? Stop crime, right? Wrong. She decides she is going to use her super-powers to discover the identities of Batman, Robin, and Superman.

So, not only does Batwoman — an alleged super-hero — not use her new powers to fight crime, but instead she uses them to betray the confidence of other heroes. Nice going.

Batwoman follows Batman and Robin as they drive around Gotham City in the Batmobile. They give her the slip — or at least they think they do — but as soon as they drive into the Batcave, there she is waiting for them. She tells the duo she used her x-ray vision to find the Batcave, and now, based on the mansion above the cave, she knows their identity. Next she sets out to discover Superman’s.

Batwoman catches up with Superman when he is saving a small town from an avalanche. She follows him, hoping he’ll lead her to his secret identity. He tries to scare her away by flying through a lightning storm, walking through an artillery proving ground, and floating over Niagara Falls, but none of it works. Finally, he decides what his only option is to expose her to the thing every woman is scared of: mice.

Superman’s plan works and he sneaks out through the basement, drilling through the ground, making sure to stay below veins of lead-bearing ores, but Batwoman is able to track him by sound. When he emerges from the ground, she tells him that he has fallen into her trap. She’s lured him away from his job for the whole afternoon, and since she saw what block of Metropolis he came from, all she has to do now is find the office in that block where a worker has been missing all afternoon. When she shows up at the Daily Planet, Lois tells her everyone has been there the whole day (but she only mentions Clark, Jimmy, and Perry — so in the Silver Age the Daily Planet apparently only employed four people). At this point, Batwoman’s twenty-four hours of powers are up and she admits defeat in figuring out Superman’s identity — but at least she knows the true identities of Batman and Robin. Not so fast, says Superman:

And just in case you were wondering:

Story from World’s Finest #90 (September/October 1957), by Edmond Hamilton and Dick Sprang

Tags: comics medicine kryptonite superman batman robin batwoman jor-el pills

A new masked and super-powered bank robber appears in Metropolis and Superman tracks him to his lair only to find that the robber had been waiting for him with a chunk of kryptonite.

A few months before, our robber realized that if he wanted to be a successful criminal in Metropolis, he needed to find some kryptonite. He spent months tracking down every meteor¹ that landed nearby, looking for elusive chemical. He lucked out: not only did he find kryptonite, but he also found a box with some pills in the meteor. There is a note with the pills that reads “These radioactive capsules to be used only if needed to renew our super-powers on Earth. [Signed] Jor-El”

The robber took the kryptonite-embedded box back to his lair. He swallowed one of the pills, gained super-powers, and went on a crime spree. Then he lured Superman to his hideout and exposed him to the kryptonite. Leaving the Man of Steel for dead², the criminal flies off to commit more robberies.

Of course, Superman’s not quite dead yet — he takes his last bit of energy and uses his heat vision to break the water pipe in the ceiling, sending water cascading down on the box of pills, washing all the kryptonite away³. Able to stand up again, Superman grabs the box of pills and swallows one, figuring he needs the super-powers they’ll provide since his have been stolen by the kryptonite. Too late, he discovers that some kryptonite dust had gotten in the pills when Krypton exploded — the same explosion which sent the box to Earth. Now he’ll be completely powerless until the chemical leaves his system⁴.

Thinking quickly, Superman calls Batman and Robin. When the duo shows up, he gives them each one of the super-power pills, and they fly off to capture the robber. Since they’re not used to their new powers, not only do they let the villain escape, but they cause some serious property damage. Undeterred, Superman trains them in the use of their powers and they fly off again to capture the robber.

Meanwhile, Superman — using his crafty reporter skills — has discovered the robber’s new lair. Unfortunately, the robber catches Superman in his hideout and pulls out a gun, shooting him in the chest. About this time, Batman and Robin arrive and capture the villain, who is still gloating over Superman’s body. Could the Man of Steel be dead? Of course not. It turns out that while Superman may have been powerless, his suit was still invulnerable and it blocked the bullet, saving Superman’s life. It’s all a moot point now anyway, as the kryptonite has worn off and Superman has regained his powers. He gives the super-power pills to Batman who promises to keep them safely hidden away in the Bat-cave⁵.

Notes:
1. Yes, technically he was searching for a meteorite, not a meteor, but I’m sticking with what’s written in the comic for this review.
2. If I were a criminal who gained his super-powers through a pill, I would take the pills with me instead of leaving them behind. Sure, leave the kryptonite-encrusted box — just take the pills.
3. Apparently kryptonite is water soluble.
4. Kryptonite or not, shouldn’t the pills have given Superman super-powers? They were developed to give Kryptonians who lost their powers (like Superman) temporary powers. He took one after losing his powers temporarily from kryptonite exposure, so why should more kyrptonite dust in the pills stop them from working? It’s not like they’re affected by kryptonite — Batman and Robin got powers despite the kryptonite in the pills.
5. As far as we know, the pills are still there. Or at least, all but one of the pills…

In the closing panels of Red Robin #4, Tim Drake is stabbed in the abdomen with a sword by the villainous Widower. In the next issue, it is revealed that his injury required the removal of his spleen.

Found in the upper left aspect of the abdominal cavity, the spleen is roughly the size of a grapefruit and serves several important functions: It removes old and damaged blood cells from the circulation, as well as removing harmful bacteria. It assists the immune system by acting as a large lymph node. It stores extra blood to act as an emergency reserve in case of severe blood loss.

Both blunt and penetrating abdominal trauma can injure the spleen. Penetrating trauma can lead to splenic lacerations. Blunt trauma can rupture it. Unfortunately, the spleen is very difficult to repair — it was once described to me as having the consistency of a sopping, water-logged sponge. Imagine trying to sew that back together. Often the only treatment for a severely damage spleen is splenectomy (removal of the spleen), leaving the patient asplenic (without a spleen).

The main concern in people lacking a spleen is an increased risk of infection. This is not just a slight increase in risk, but a significant increase in the risk of serious infections. In the worst case scenario, there is a condition known as OPSI (overwhelming post splenectomy infection) that can be fatal within just a few hours.

Asplenic individuals are susceptible to a wide variety of germs, but the three most concerning are:

1. Bacteria that have a thick protective capsule. These bacteria include pneumoccocus (a cause of pneumonia and other infections), meningococcus (a cause of meningitis), and Haemophilus influenzae (another cause of meningitis, among other nasty infections).

2. Capnocytophaga canimorsus, a bacteria found in dog bites.

3. Parasites that like to hide within red blood cells (malaria is the main one, but also babesiosis and ehrlichiosis, rare tick-borne infections).

Asplenic individuals need to be aggressively immunized against the riskiest bacteria. They will require the pneumococcus, meningococcus, and Haemophilus influenza vaccines. The pneumoccocal vaccine may need to be repeated every 5 years. Additionally, pediatric patients who lose their spleen need to be started on daily broad spectrum antibiotics for the next 2-5 years. Those who are considered particularly high risk for infection may need daily antibiotics for the rest of their life.

From 1944, this is an untitled wartime public service ad starring Batman and Robin…but mostly Alfred.

Like most PSAs from this era, this ad deals with recycling paper for the war effort.

If you’re not clear why, Alfred explains it well in the ad.

This PSA was found in Adventure Comics #91, published in April 1944.

More PSAs

Tags: comics psa buzzy old folks jack schiff win mortimer

‘Remember how I mentioned that there were two New Teen Titans anti-drug PSA comics from the ’80s? It turns out I was wrong: there were three.

Jesse, trying to emulate his older brother Dave, has started to use drugs. After he shares some angel dust-laced marijuana with his friends, he heads off to an anti-drug rally his parents are making him attend. The Teen Titans (minus Robin, who is once again replaced by generic hero “The Protector”) are speaking at the rally — no, not Speedy, he’s probably back at Titan’s Tower getting high.

When the Teen Titans tell the audience that drugs are bad, and his parents chime in to support the Titans, Jesse throws a tantrum and runs out of the meeting in a huff. Beast Boy tails him, just to make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble and — wouldn’t you know it — there’s a tall cliff in the middle of town that Jesse almost tumbles over. Beast Boy turns into a rhinoceros and stops him from falling off the edge. At just that moment, the drugs Jesse’s been taking cause severe stomach pains, and Jesse falls off the cliff despite the presence of a green pachyderm. Luckily, Raven’s soul-self swoops by and saves him, but not before her empathic powers absorb the hallucinatory effects of the drugs and Raven begins to Freak Out. The other Titans are able to subdue her and they cart her off to the hospital. Seeing the effects of the drugs on Raven, Jesse swears never to use drugs again.

The Teen Titans now turn their attention to Jesse’s supplier: his older brother Dave. They track him down to an old abandoned shack at the end of town (where despite begging his supplier for a hit the page before, he’s now handing out drugs to half a dozen kids – for free). A brief skirmish ensues and Dave escapes , but that was really the plan all along. The Titans now follow him to his supplier. A bigger skirmish follows and the Teen Titans are able to capture the entire drug dealing gang. Furthermore, both Jesse and Dave have sworn off drugs for good.

Like the previous Teen Titan anti-drug comics, this one starts with a letter from Nancy Reagan. Several pages of confidence building and decision making exercises are included at the end of the comic. Unlike previous comics, this one is sponsored by IBM, so I’m not clear why Robin was replaced by the Protector, as I understood that was due to Nabisco/Keebler rivalries. The story is by Marv Wolfman and Joey Cavalieri with capable pencils by Adrian Gonzales.

More PSAs

Tags: comics medicine psa teen titans

Have a little fun today, courtesy of Batman Sells Out to Claritin™:

Sorry Jimmy, but I don’t think you’re going to survive this adventure.

The straw Jimmy is using is simply too long and too narrow to work. That means that there is too much flow resistance to get the old air out and fresh air in. Instead, he’ll end up breathing in the same oxygen-deprived air he just breathed out, and within a minute or two he’ll pass out. Since he’s underwater, that’s likely to prove fatal.

There’s a reason snorkels (and endotracheal tubes) are wide and relatively short.

This was a free comic produced by DC Comics and Schering in 1999. Although generally well written and illustrated, the underlying concept makes this a very bad comic.

A rare white orchid is on display at the black-tie dinner at the Gotham City Botanical Gardens and Bruce Wayne (Batman) and Tim Drake (Robin) are there to keep an eye on it. The reason? Poison Ivy has recently broken out of prison and this is just the kind of plant she likes to steal. Sure enough, she shows up and Batman and Robin spring into action. Unfortunately Robin is so sedated from his over-the-counter allergy medication that he lets Poison Ivy escape with the orchid.

When Batman and Batgirl head out to track down Poison Ivy and the orchid, Robin wants to come along, but Batman grounds him because of his antihistamine-related grogginess. Robin starts to sulk, but Alfred sends him to his doctor who prescribes him a non-sedating antihistamine (Claritin, of course — this was published when it was a prescription-only drug). Thanks to his new medication, Robin is able to conquer his hay fever and avoid sedating side effects; he joins the battle just in time to redeem himself by capturing Poison Ivy and rescue the orchid.

As giveaway comics go, the story by Christopher Priest is quite well done and Joe Staton handles the art well. What keeps it from being a good comic is the fact that Batman is selling drugs. Batman. Is. Selling. Drugs. Look, I don’t mind using super-heroes on occasion to sell something: subscription, Hostess snack cakes, Underoos, etc. I understand that bills have to be paid. But I draw the line at using super-heroes to sell drugs, even ones as innocuous as Claritin. There are some lines that just should not be crossed.

Three days left until Christmas, and the second super-hero cover in a row. Today’s cover comes straight from Gotham City, where the Riddler seems to have fallen victim to (or more likely, perpetrated) that most feared of Yuletide disasters: the Christmas tree fire.

The Batman and Robin Adventures #3 (DC Comics, December 1995)

Click on the cover for larger view

3 Days until Christmas!

Buzzy’s back for another public service ad, and if that isn’t enough to get you excited, it’s also another of the “Gee, isn’t school swell” DC comics was so fond of putting out in the 1950s and ’60s.

This PSA was written by Jack Schiff. Art once again by Win Mortimer, who as far as I can tell, drew all the Buzzy PSAs. This PSA was found in Action Comics #209, but can be found in other DC comics from October 1955 including Batman #97 (featuring “The Ballad of Batman and Robin”*), and Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #8 (starring “Jimmy Olsen, Crooner” — maybe there’s a pattern here?).

* The words to the Ballad of Batman and Robin (at least according to the cover):

More PSAs

Tags: comics psa buzzy school jack schiff win mortimer

The good old days: when mad scientists could concoct evil drugs and schemes in their own basement labs. Nowadays, it seems to take at least a university lab — more commonly an entire industrial chemical research lab — just to create one marketable evil drug. Just ask Norman Osborne (especially the “Ultimate” version) — how many scientists did he have working for him?

In this scene from Detective Comics #61 (March 1942), an unnamed mad scientist has discovered a drug that makes people lazy. How lazy? So lazy that victims will be too tired to eat and will starve themselves to death. Like any good mad scientist, he has a scheme to make money off his drug (money which will be used for more mad science — that’s how the cycle works). He slips some of his drug to an important corporate leader, and then extorts money from his corporation or he won’t provide the antidote (and isn’t it nice how mad scientists always take the time to concoct an antidote?)

Unfortunately, the scientist chose the wrong company this time: a company where Bruce Wayne was sitting on the board of directors. As the scientist left, Wayne switched into his Batman persona and followed him back to his lab. In the scuffle that followed, the scientist managed to get the upper hand and forced Batman to drink his lazy drug. It worked just as promised:

Batman: Suddenly feel tired — lazy — need a vacation from fighting crooks — out to take a month fishing. Sooo tired — think I’ll take a nap…

Batman didn’t succumb as quickly as the mad scientist expected though, and he was able to secretly signal Robin, who managed to knock out the scientist and find the antidote for Batman (and presumably the CEO, though that was never mentioned). The fate of remaining supplies of the lazy drug was never mentioned either. I suspect that it’s still around. The next time you feel like staying in bed all morning and lazing the day away it just might be because somebody slipped you the lazy drug…

I’m impressed that Vixen is able to tell that the dozens of dead people she stumbled across died of “cerebral hemorrhage” (bleeding in or around the brain) or a “burst heart”, since neither of these leave noticeable external marks or signs. Generally it takes an autopsy or some sort of radiology (e.g. x-ray or CT scan) to diagnose these.

I will admit that depending on where exactly the heart burst, and whether the pericardium — the sac surrounding the heart — ruptured as well, there could be some significant blood pooling and bruising on the underside of the body. Of course, these people are all wearing clothing so she wouldn’t be able to see the bruising without a much closer look.

I’ll give her the “beaten to death” diagnosis though. That one does leave pretty obvious external marks.

Maybe she’s using her powers to gain the abilities of some particular animal to make these deductions, but if that’s the case, I can’t imagine what animal it would be.

Be sure to check out all the exciting episodes of Gotham CSI, featuring:
	Batman	Robin
	Anarky	Sasha Bordeaux

All-Star Batman and Robin #6
Frank Miller, writer
Jim Lee, penciler

There’s going to a spoiler or two here, so don’t read any farther unless you’ve already read the comics, don’t plan on reading it, or don’t care.

In All-Star Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder #9, Green Lantern takes a nasty blow to the neck that crushes his trachea. Medically, this is considered very bad, mostly because the trachea is quite important for breathing — it’s how air reaches the lungs. Batman performs an emergency cricothyroidotomy on him to save his life.

I’m sure everyone has seen a cricothyroidotomy, at least on TV. It’s shown up numerous times, most notably in an episode of M*A*S*H and an early ER episode. In the procedure, a hollow tube is placed through the cricothyroid membrane (a thin membrane just below the Adam’s apple) and into the trachea so that the patient can breathe through the tube (assuming, of course, that their trachea is crushed above this point). Cricothyoidotomies are reasonable for emergency short-term use, but are not good for long term treatment.

I have a few concerns about Batman’s technique, especially in regards to the tube he is using. These aren’t major concerns — he is improvising an emergency procedure after all — more nitpicks really.

1. Where the airway is concerned, you want to minimize the amount of resistance and maximize the amount of flow. Therefore you want a tube that is as wide and as short as you can get away with. The tube Batman is using appears too narrow — and much too long — to be used successfully for a cricothyroidectomy. Try this at home: get a standard drinking straw (not one of those thick McDonald’s ones) and cut it in half so it’s about 4 inches long. Now see how long you can breathe through it — both inhaling and exhaling. It’s not too easy, is it? Batman’s tube was even narrower than that.
1A. There is a special procedure known as a needle cricothyroidotomy that uses a very narrow tube, but it requires high-flow oxygen and is only good for about 30 minutes before the carbon dioxide builds up too much.
1B. That’s not saying the tube won’t work at all — it will — the ambulance just better get there fast.

2. My other concern is that Batman is purposefully using a jagged-ended tube. His plan is essentially to cut his way into the trachea with the sharp end. This is in contrast to the actual cricothyroidectomy procedure where the skin is cut horizontally, the membrane found, and then cut open vertically before the tube inserted. This allows the physician to make sure he’s in the right place, the anatomy is correct, and there aren’t any blood vessels or nerves in the way. Batman’s essentially plunging the tube in blind, hoping he gets it in the right place instead of taking an extra second or two to look. You can’t tell me that in his entire utility belt, Batman’s not carrying a cutting edge of some sort. He’s got medical tape and nerve gas in there, surely he’s got a blade.
2A. Plus, he’s going to have a skin and tissue plug in the tube, like biscuit dough in a biscuit cutter. It’s probably not big enough to stop it up, it’s just nasty and Green Lantern’s going to suck it into his lungs with the first breath.

Overall, not bad for improvising, but I’d still expect better of the Batman (though, come to think of it, maybe I shouldn’t expect more finesse from the “God Damned Batman”).

(Now how many of you read this issue and thought of me when you hit this scene?)

I think Batman may need to re-evaluate his priorities.

(I’ve talked about the ABCs of trauma repeatedly — Airway, Breathing, and Circulation — but apparently Batman has his own ABCs: ANALYZE the crime scene, BANTER with partner, and then CHECK-OUT the victim.)

Scene from Detective Comics #371 (“Batgirl’s Costume Cut-Ups”), script by Gardner Fox, pencils by Gil Kane.

Another of the “Verb — It’s What You Do” PSAs that are meant to encourage kids to become active. One of the least inspired PSA campaigns of recent memory, though both major comic companies did join in. Marvel Comics at least had new art for their Verb PSAs; DC, on the other hand, just took a stock image and slapped a few captions on it. At least this Teen Titans one is better than the Justice League one.

I do wonder about the captions though. Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy all have captions that suggest they want to play with others. That’s good and fits the tone of the PSA campaign. Starfire’s caption is much more violent — she wants to destroy “opponents.” And I’m not sure how Raven’s “making new rules” is conducive to either good game play or friendship (”Raven, you can’t just skip over Boardwalk!” “Yes I can, I just mystically created a rule that says so!”)

More PSAs

A change of pace today: a super-hero video PSA. From 1972, here is Yvonne Craig as Batgirl in a public service announcement for equal pay for women. It should come as no surprise that the U.S. Department of Labor (Wage & Hour Division) sponsored this ad. What may come as a surprise is that this PSA was produced 4 years after the Batman television show ended.

There is a slightly different, shorter version of the PSA also available on YouTube (thankfully, the picture quality is much better in this one).

In addition to Yvonne Craig as Batgirl, Burt Ward reprises his role as Robin and William Dozier narrates. Batman is played not by Adam West but by Dick Gautier (probably best known for playing Hymie the Robot on Get Smart, and — for all my Transformers loving readers — the voice of Rodimus Prime from the third season of Transformers).

More PSAs

Tags: comics psa batgirl batman robin yvonne craig burt ward dick gautier adam west

A DC comics super-hero Christmas cover! For the second day in a row! And just 4 days until Christmas! Anyway, here is Batman Family #4 which, in addition to stars Robin and Batgirl, features such luminaries as Fatman and the Phantom General. At least it’s got the Elongated Man in it, too.

Batman Family #4 (DC, 1976)
4 Days until Christmas!
click on image for larger view

The entire 2007 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar (so far) in traditional calendar format.
One year ago, the cover was Fantastic Four #4 (creepy variant cover).
Two years ago, the cover was Jingle Belle #4.
Three years ago, the cover was Street Fighter #4 (also a variant cover)
Previous Comic Book Cover Advent Calendars: 2006 2005 2004
David Carter always has another good comic book advent calendar over at Yet Another Comics Blog

Episode Title: In Which Addison Has a Very Causal Get-Together

The medical ethics were better this week (except for everyone looking in other people’s medical charts), but the medicine was equally questionable. This show would really benefit from some Grey’s Anatomy style continuing storylines; this patients-of-the-week format just doesn’t sustain the interest here.

Dr. Addison Montgomery and Dr. Sam Bennett
After seeing Sam on a local morning news show, a pregnant patient named Rebecca arrives in the clinic seeking medical care. She claims that she just escaped from the hospital because they were trying to kill her and her baby. She is five months pregnant, but surprisingly skinny. In short order, it turns out that she was involuntarily committed to the hospital because she was a psychiatric patient with Munchausen’s Syndrome, and now the hospital – and her mother whois her medical guardian — wants her back in the psychiatric ward.
Addison is not convinced that Rebecca has Muchausen’s, though some lab values which suggest she has not been eating give Addison pause. In the end, the team gets the hospital to run a capsule endoscopy (”GI camera”) which reveals that Rebecca has Crohn’s Disease — a type of Inflammatory Bowel — and not a psychiatric disorder.
Five months along and she is just now feeling the baby kick? That’s not a good sign.
I’m concerned by the amount of x-rays and CT scans performed on Rebecca. There was an entire wall full. Radiation is not good for developing babies. (And if the Crohn’s was that bad, something should have shown up on the CT).
Involuntary psychiatric admission laws vary greatly between states and I’m not familiar with the laws in California. I can see an involuntary admission being granted in this case though, for fear of Rebecca harming herself and harming her baby.
I’m not sure what labs would show Rebecca hadn’t been eating when she claimed she had been. Albumin and other proteins can be low in malnutrition, but that’s in the long term, not short term. Ketones in the urine can also suggest starvation — though it can mean other things as well including diabetic ketoacidosis and an Atkins dieter.
I don’t know why the team was thinking they could get a capsule endoscopy performed in under an hour. It takes the better part of a day to run a capsule endoscopy, let alone the prep beforehand. An actual colonoscopy would be faster and give more definite answers.
There are simple blood tests to detect active autoimmune diseases. They’re not always good at pinpointing which disease in particular, but would at least let the team know that something physical is going on.
Sam uses the word “occult” way too many times in this episode.

Dr. Cooper Freedman
Cooper was dealing with Michael, a ten year-old boy who was in love with a friend. When Cooper encourages Michael to ask his friend out, the boy returns to the office bruised and bloody. It was not a girl he asked out, but another boy. Now he runs away and Cooper — of course — finds him and manages to bring him back home.
No skateboarding or contact sports if you have Mononucleosis because the spleen can become enlarged during Mono and there is a chance of rupturing it with any blunt trauma.

Dr. Violet Turner and Dr. Naomi Bennett
Violet become obsessed (well, more obsessed) when she sees her ex-husband’s (or is it ex-boyfriend’s — it’s not clear) new wife visiting Naomi. It turns out she was there to be treated for a urinary tract infection, not pregnancy as Violet feared.
Violet’s one note characterization is quickly becoming tiresome.
What kind of doctor is Naomi exactly? Who goes to see a fertility specialist for a UTI?

Dr. Pete Finch
Pete is seeing Stan, the curmudgeonly fiancée of Sylvie, an old patient of his. Stan has been having fainting spells and Sylvie is secretly concerned that the fainting spells are a subconscious sign that Stan does not want to marry her. Pete runs some “basic tests” which are all negative, but after some more probing, he determines that the Arthur has a “trigger point” that causes a “painless migraine” (a type of Atypical Migraine) which causes him to pass out when he is in certain positions.
An EKG, echocardiogram, and carotid Doppler all are good tests for this situation. Some sort of head imaging is indicated, but I would never consider an MRI a “basic test.” Maybe that’s just because I practice in small town Illinois and not a big city in California.
As for a muscle trigger point causing a painless migraine, that’s a rather cavalier diagnosis. I have seen atypical migraines that cause symptoms that look just like a stroke, but never one that causes passing out, one that shuts one and off that quickly, or one caused by a “trigger point.” I’m not saying it can’t happen; it’s just quite a stretch.

Robin #164 “Making the Band”
Adam Beecher, writer
Freddie E. Williams II, penciler

Robin (Tim Drake) wants to join the high school tennis team, but Batman is opposed.

Batman: To join an sports team, you’ll have to take a physical.
Robin: It’s not like I won’t pass.
Batman: It’s not that. You’ve had broken bones, Tim. Lots of them. All of that will show up. Excuses won’t cover them. It’ll raise too many red flags.

Batman is right that most states require a Preparticipation Physical Exam prior to joining a school sports team, but other than that, his reasoning is strained. The preparticipation physical is good head-to-toe physical exam, but nothing excessive. Unless something turns up on the exam, doctors do not order labs*, x-rays and other studies. If Robin’s broken bones were set correctly and healed normally, there’s no way they’d show up on exam.

There has been some talk about expanding the sports physical to include a closer look at the heart (including an EKG or echocardiogram), but there is not much good evidence in support of this. At no point have general screening x-rays (the only thing that would show Robin’s old fractures) ever been considered as part of the physical. The cost/benefit ratio would be horrible, and we let’s not forget that x-rays involve radiation exposure and — though it’s only a small amount — they should be avoided unless truly necessary.

(Plus — Tim would have needed a physical to start high school, or when transferring to his new school. By Batman’s logic, any broken bones should have showed up then as well)

As I said, it’s a nit-pick, but since it’s that time of year where I’m performing dozens of preparticipation physicals per week, it seemed timely.

*In Illinois, it’s “suggested” that we screen for diabetes in children with a body mass index above the 85th percentile. On one hand, given the recognition that obesity is becoming a childhood disease, this makes sense. But on the other hand, the research doesn’t support this. I could only find one small study supporting screening for diabetes, and that was in a selected population more prone to diabetes. I don’t want my patients to be diabetic, but nor do I want unnecessary blood tests performed on them.

Batman has just confronted Lex Luthor in his lair and defeated all his military-style robots:

Batman: You underestimated yourself. I used your own virus against you — with a few minor adjustments. You programmed my machines to kill. I programmed yours to kill themselves.

Since Batman’s talking about WayneTech products as “my machines”, hasn’t he just admitted to Luthor that he is Bruce Wayne?

In 1990, the adult son of one of the Warner Brothers executives who worked with DC Comics was senselessly murdered. In response, DC published Batman: Seduction of the Gun, a comic with a strong anti-gun tone, and with the added bonus of the proceeds going to a charitable educational foundation.

In Gotham City, a drug-for-guns deal is going down. The police and Batman bust up the deal, but the main criminals — members of the NZN gang — escape. To capture the gang, Batman masquerades as a gun dealer while Robin enrolls in an inner-city high to protect the dealer’s daughter from gang reprisal. The Batman aspect of the story is a fairly typical Batman adventure with subterfuge, fights, and narrow escapes from death. The Robin part I found a little over the top, with Robin attending a school where over 95% of the students are armed, and gun fights in the hallways between classes are daily experiences. Admittedly, I didn’t attend an inner city high school, but this strikes me as more than a little unbelievable. Both stories converge in the end, but things don’t work out as well as Batman — and Robin — had hoped.

Overall, it’s a well done story and a PSA comic that actually appears to be in continuity. For the most part, it doesn’t hit the reader over the head with its message, though there is a page or two of talking heads looking directly at the reader and lecturing. We also learn way too much about the wounds that killed Thomas and Martha Wayne (“The bullet…struck the left lung and then the heart through the right ventricle, ruptured the superior vena cava and the aorta. The bullets struck back left ribs and flattened out, breaking the ribs…I remember a lot of blood. The hearts continued pumping for a bit.”). The story by John Ostrander contains the intense action-filled plot with a touch of pathos he seems to favor (and it works for him, his scripts hit a lot more than they miss). The Vince Giarrano art is a satisfying cross between Graham Nolan and Neal Adams. There are places where the art is particularly explicit and disturbing — bullet wounds, for instance — but I suspect that was the intended effect.

Online, I’ve seen this comic described as “pro-gun-control”, but I don’t think that’s really the case. I can certainly see where people might get that impression, particularly as the proceeds from the book went to an educational gun-control foundation, but in the last panels of the comic, Bruce Wayne tells Tim Drake that gun control is not the best option (“No law passed can change the human heart or open up a mind that is closed. We must give up the guns in our hearts and minds first.”). The story certainly takes a strong stand against the proliferation of handguns, but gun control is not specifically mentioned. To me, the comic seems more anti-guns-in-school, anti-gang, and anti-Saturday-Night-special than explicitly anti-gun or pro-gun-control, though I may be splitting hairs.

In our post-MMR world, it’s unlikely you’ll ever hear a Gotham City thug say this again:

Yet another reason to be thankful for vaccinations.

Scene from Detective Comics #47 (January 1941). A vaccine against the measles first became available in 1963.
Script by Bill Finger with art by Bob Kane, Jerry Robinson, and George Roussos. Sure is a lot of yellow isn’t there?

1. All-Star Detective Comics
Emphasis on the word “detective.” Each would be a done-in-one mystery story starring Batman, Elongated Man, Jason Bard, or any one of DC’s other great and not-so-great detective characters. Writers would “play fair” with the clues and solution (reasonably), and readers could see if they’re a better detective than Batman. I’ll admit it wouldn’t be an easy book to write, but even if it comes out only every six months, that’s still twice as often as All-Star Batman and Robin.

2. Poetry
I’d love to see some comic book adaptations of classic poetry. Paul Pope does “To The Virgins To Make Much of Time.” Lea Hernandez tackles Shakespeare’s sonnets. Steve Bissette draws “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.” Bryan Lee O’Malley takes on Emily Dickinson. And how about we get four comic artists of vastly different styles and they each have a go at “The Waste Land.”

3. John Carter of Mars
I know it’s been done before, but I’d like to see it done again, only better. Not necessarily a retelling of the books, but stories on Mars in their style, like Dark Horse’s Conan.

4. The Skrull-Durlan War
We’ve had the Kree-Skrull War and the Rann-Thanagar War. It’s time to take this concept to its logical conclusion: The Skrull-Durlan War. When everybody’s a shapeshifter, how will you know who’s fighting whom?

5. Dr. Mid-Nite
A JSA: Classified story arc that highlights the Doctor Mid-Nite legacy. I’d especially like to see it redeem the forgotten Dr. Midnight, Beth Chapel. Sure she had an ugly costume, but what member of Infinity Inc. didn’t?

6. 206
The follow-up to 52. Each week, a comic exploring a different bone of the human body. This week: the C1 Vertebrae, “Holding Up the World.” Next week: the Second Left Metacarpal, “The right hand doesn’t know what he’s doing!”

7. Penultimate X-Men
Featuring Penultimate Wolverine: “I’m the second best at what I do!”

8. Solomon Kane
Conan is good, but how about bringing back Robert E. Howard’s best character? The Marvel mini-series from 1985 was actually quite good, especially the first four issues that had Bret Blevins (#1-#3) and Mike Mignola (#4) art.

9. Ben Casey versus Dr Kildare
The grudge match to end all grudge matches. Two doctors enter, only one leaves.

10. Girlz
DC’s new imprint for minks.

A recent PSA comic this week: last month’s Robin #156. As the cover suggests, this issue is about suicide. No scene resembling the cover actually takes place inside the book, and frankly, the story is better for it. This is not a “heroic-rescue-the-jumper-from-midair” story. Instead, it is a well scripted story consisting of two lonely people talking and working things out.

After the end of the hostage storyline last issue, Tim Drake returns to high school and then, as Robin, visits wannabe teen-hero Dodge in the hospital. On his way home from the hospital, he spots a lone man standing at the edge of the roof of a tall building. Robin swings down to sit down next to him and talk. And that’s it. The rest of the comic is pretty much the two of them talking. It’s not hard to see that the young man is clinically depressed. Robin, for all his skills and accomplishments, has his own failings and is able to be a good listener. Robin makes some good points, particularly when he talks about how everyone’s problems are the worst, because they’re their problems. But mostly he just let’s the other guy talk. When he comes down off the edge at the end, it’s a believable scene.

Full credit to writer Adam Beechen and penciler Freddie Williams for producing a well done PSA comic, and managing to fit it in continuity.

The only problem I have with this issue has nothing to do with the script or art, but with the packaging. First, those stupid HeroScape 3-D glasses were inserted in the comic. It’s a poorly thought out ad for many reasons, but mainly because of the glasses and the fact that it makes HeroScape look dark and cluttered — everything the game is not. Then, in the center of the comic is an 8 page television Teen Titans comic/ad for Spark Top. This was particularly jarring this comic because you go from the middle of a serious conversation with a somber Robin to the overly cheerful and too-brightly colored Teen Titans Robin. Not a good place for the ad.

Good answers. The keys were sterility and contamination. In the first panel, Alfred is putting on his sterile gloves; his mask is down and his goggles are off. In the second panel, his mask is up and his goggles are on. This means that he had to have touched his non-sterile mask and goggles with his sterile gloves, contaminating them. The proper order is: gloves mask, cap, and eyewear on. Scrub hands at scrub sink. Enter operating room. Put gown on. Put gloves on. Do it wrong and the scrub nurse and/or operating room technician will quickly (and unpleasantly) point out your error to everyone present, and you’ll never, ever do it wrong again.

The other things that caught my eye were the coffee cup next to the sterile instrument, and the bizarre waveform on what looks like an EKG monitor. Acutally, given that it’s Alfred we’re dealing with, it’s probably a teacup.

Personally, I was willing to give Alfred some credit and figured some special electrodeless Waynetech EKG was used and some fancy clear Bat-skin-sterilizer was used on Robin — he’s got these fancy IVs in place after all — but go ahead and give yourself credit if you caught either one of those.

The instrument handles will be facing correctly when Alfred stands next to Robin to operate, it’s just hard to see in the scan I made (and what you think are butter knife blades are actually scalpel handles).

The bat guano is a good call. I didn’t think of that. I can’t imagine that would be beneficial in a wound.

*As for the spelling, I’ve seen it spelled both Thompkins and Tompkins. Hell, I have it both ways on this very blog. I choose to believe it’s her.

After looking at the Worst Comic Book Medicine of 2006 yesterday, today I’m going to celebrate the Best Comic Book Medicine of 2006:

Best Depiction of Medicine:
Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #200 has some of the best hospital scenes ever shown in a comic book. I know I picked on it for the use of an English trade name instead on an American one, but don’t let that fool you: it was an excellent comic from a medical point of view (and quite good from a comic book point of view as well).

Best Doctor:
Doctor Mid-Nite wins for his return to form as the premiere physician of the DC Universe. He stumbled a little in 52 #5, but was outstanding in JSA Classified #19-20.

Best Single Medical or Scientific Concept:
Monster is generally right on the money in terms of its depiction of neurosurgery in the ’80s and ’90s. Admittedly, it is a reprint, so if you want to disqualify it because of that, then Robin wins for being the only hero in Gotham City who actually has useful C.S.I. skills.

Best Imaginary Medicine or Treatment:
Xenografting was big this year. It was the theme of Dr. Mid-Nite’s story arc in JSA Classified, and the recent transplantation of Skrull organs into super-villain in Heroes for Hire is a clever concept.

Special Mention:
Most Over-the-Top Depiction of Medicine: Ray
Best Medically Accurate Art: Valentine DeLandro, penciler of Marvel Knights 4 #26, who correctly drew a doctor using a head mirror. They’re usually thrown in as an artistic shorthand for “physician” rather than a useful (if outdated) piece of equipment.

Welcome to the Class of ‘06! Best new physician characters introduced in 2006, presented starting with my favorite:
1. Soranik Natu (Green Lantern Corps: Recharge and the ongoing Green Lantern Corps series)
2. Night Nurse (Doctor Strange: The Oath)
3. The Accomplished Perfect Physician (52 and Green Lantern)

Previous “Best of the Year”: The BestComic Book Medicine of 2005 The BestComic Book Medicine of 2004

Just 13 days unitl Christmas. The twelth day in the comic book advent calendar reveals Comic Cavalcade #13 (DC Comics, December 1945) featuring Green Lantern, the Flash, and Wonder Woman. And, apparently, a very confused Robin who desn’t understand that he is supposed to be the herald of spring, not Christmas. Maybe he’s trying out for a part in “The Twelve Days of Christmas.”

13 Days until Christmas!
click on image for larger view

The entire 2006 Comic Book Calendar Advent Calendar (so far).
One year ago, the cover was Captain Atom #13.
Two years ago, the featured cover was Teen Titans #13.
The 2005 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar The 2004 Comic Book Cover Advent Calendar
David Carter always has another good comic book advent calendar over at Yet Another Comics Blog*
Two newcomers to the comic book advent calendar world this year: ShadZ and Brendan McKillip

Time for the bi-monthly post where take a few minutes tolook back at what internet searches brought people to Polite Dissent for July and August. Mostly rather bland searches this time, but then I’m not sure anything will top May and June’s intravenous pumpkins. As always, there were plenty of searches for She-Hulk, Hawk, Dove, Dave Trampier, Wormy, and B’wana Beast. Plenty of House questions too. Then there were the usual searches for sex pictures involving any combination of the following: the Teen Titans (Robin, Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy — but no love for Raven), Kim Possible, Shego, Ron Stoppable, Danny Phantom, and/or Tanith Belbin.

Capitalization has been added to make the searches more readable, but the grammar and spelling are untouched otherwise to give the true flavor. My thoughts are added in green.

Vaguely Medical Searches

• Tiniest bacteria serratia Sounds like a title of a children’s book. [information on Serratia]
• Difference between the circumcision done by a quack doctor and medical doctor? Is this really a question you need to ask?
• Can a blow stop the heart rhythm instantly? Yes, under the right conditions, when the timing of the heart cycle is just right and a blow lands in the right place. This is known as Commotio Cordis and is thought to cause 2-3 deahts per year in Little League baseball.[more information on commotio cordis]
• Kissing fishes skin cure No idea here.
• If you don t test for it you don t have to treat it house of god The actual quote is: “If you don’t take a temperature, you can’t find a fever” and it is Law X from the back of House of God.
• mystery painful rash secreting string You’re probably thinking about Morgellons. [wikipedia entry on Morgellon's Disease]

Supposedly Comic Book Searches

• XY the last man close.
• John Byrne pregnant I doubt it
• Women in the freezer comics Another example of being close but not quite right
• Senseless comics involving the devil Are there any other kind?

Miscellaneous Seaches

• Give me at least 3 valedictorian addressed I don’t know which is more disturbing, that someone is plagiarizing valedictorian speeches, or that they can’t spell “addresses” right. Or maybe it’s just somebody who’s looking for the home addresses of smart people so he can beat them up…
• Hats Somebody searches the internet for “hats”? And found my site? (Several times too, according to the logs).
• How do you spell polite? Just like that.
• I have telescopic vision Good for you.

Adventures in Spelling (presented with few comments)

• Cot having sex on tape
• 37 weeks pregnant cervix is thinning and pressure in Virginia
• Ohno Cryten birth control I assume they meant “Ortho Cyclen” but “Ohno Cryten” evokes much better imagery.

Fan Fiction Want List (presented without comment)

• Airwolf fan fiction
• Fanfiction kim possible giving birth
• Fanfiction kim possible vomit
• Extreme Justice fan fiction

And Last but not Least, the I-Really-Don’t-Want-To-Know Seaches (also presented without comment)

• How can i sudues my sister
• Woman groin picture without obstacle

When reviewing comic books from a medical standpoint, certain errors crop up time and time again. Some of these errors can be blamed on the artist, and some the writer. Today, I’ll look at the five most common artistic medical errors in comic books (and I threw in a sixth one for good measure).

It’s been a year since I took my last look at pregnancy in comics so I think it’s time to take an updated look. In the past few months alone, Selina had her baby, and unlike Jessica Jones, managed to have a pregnancy of less than a year (how long was Jessica pregnant anyway, 2 or 3 years?). As always, comments, corrections, and suggestions are appreciated. Thanks to everyone who has contributed in past years.

Heroes:
ADAM STRANGE
1. Alanna dies during childbirth.

ANIMAL MAN
1. Annie was pregnant and gave birth in the last issues of the series.

AQUAMAN
1. Dolphin and Garth (Tempest) had a son, Cerridan.
2. Mera’s pregnancy happened “off camera.
3. In the Atlantis Chronicles: Cora was raped by her cousin Dardanus and gave birth to Kordax (pregnancy not shown). Also Atlanna had a tryst with her ancestor Atlan and gave birth to Orin (Aquaman). This pregnancy was shown.

AVENGERS
1. Ms. Marvel was pregnant*
2. Scarlet Witch’s pregnancy was shown in the Scarlet Witch and the Vision mini-series, though her twins were later ret-conned out of existence. This led her to become murderously insane and then crossover-miniseries-murderously insane**. Apparently, the children have now shown up as characters in Young Avengers.
3. Jessica Jones was pregnant for what seems like years, and delivered a healthy baby.

BATMAN COMICS
1. Spoiler was pregnant and gave her child up for adoption in Robin; she later died during Wargames.
2. Francine (Man-Bat’s wife) was pregnant in the Batman titles in the 1970s and gave birth in Batman Family #17.
3. Batman and Talia had a son in the more-or-less non-canon Son of the Demon (though the pregnancy was pretty much “off screen”

CATWOMAN:
1. Selina gave birth in the first “One Year Later” issue of Catwoman. The pregnancy has not been shown (it was in that one year time gap) and the identity of the father is unclear at this point.

FALLEN ANGEL
1. Lee conceived a child with Juris. She let him think that she had miscarried after a fight with Boxer, but instead handed her son over to a nun.

FANTASTIC FOUR
1. Sue Richards had Franklin, and then lost her second pregnancy. A magical/time-stream induced third pregnancy gave the Richards a daughter, Valeria.
2. Lyja Storm was pregnant and gave birth to an egg.
3. Crystal and Pietro (Quicksilver) have a daughter Luna. Reed Richards (apparently an obstetrician in his spare time) delivered the baby.

FLASH
1. Iris was pregnant with twins at the time that the silver age Flash (Barry Allen) died.
2. Linda West lost twins due to an attack by Zoom. There was some question as to whether she would be able to become pregnant again. However, after another melee involving the timestream, Linda suddenly found herself very pregnant (from 0 – 9 months in seconds) and delivered a healthy set of twins.

HARBINGERS:
1. Kris Hathaway was pregnant and gave birth to the child who would be sent to the future to become Magnus, Robot Fighter.

INCREDIBLE HULK
1. Betty Banner was pregnant, but miscarried.

IRON MAN
1. Pepper Potts was pregnant, but miscarried.

JLA
1. Sue Dibny was pregnant when she was killedin Identity Crisis #1

JSA
1. Hawkgirl was pregnant as a teenager and gave the child up for adoption.
2. Dove was raped by Hank Hall (Hawk) and later gave birth to a child who ultimately ended up housing the soul of the new Dr. Fate, Hector Hall.
3. Power Girl was mystically impregnated by her grandfather Arion so she could give birth to the prophesied demon fighter Equinox.

INFINITY INC.
1. Hippolyta Hall was pregnant a long time, and ultimately gave birth to Daniel (who was taken from her by Morpheus to become the new Sandman).

KILLRAVEN
1. Carmilla Frost discovered she was pregnant in the Killraven graphic novel.

LOSH (1)
1. Garth Ranzz (Lightning Lad) and Irma Ranz (Saturn Girl) had twins. (Twins are the usual on Garth’s home planet of Winath; however, twins are determined maternally and Irma come from Titan. Plus are the twins fraternal or identical? Both have been shown on Winath in the series.)

LOSH (2)
1. In the “five years later” Legion, Night Girl was not only married to Cosmic Boy, but also pregnant.
2. Laurel Gand had a child by Rond Vidar.
3. The Ranzzs had a second set of twins during the five year gap.

LOSH (3)
1. Apparition (Tinya Wazzo) and Ultra Boy (Jo Nah) have married and had a child (Cub).

L.E.G.I.O.N.
1. Stealth had a child by Vril Dox.

MANHUNTER
1. Kate Spencer miscarried after a fight. She had not been aware she was pregnant.

MIRACLEMAN
1. Liz Moran gave birth in Miracleman #9.

MR. MIRACLE
1. Beautiful Dreamer was pregnant and gave birth.

NOBLE FAMILY
1. Zephyr became pregnant after a spiteful “night of passion” with her family’s greatest enemy. She delivered a healthy child, but it was stolen and she informed that her child had been stillborn.

SABRE
1. Melissa Siren was pregnant and gave birth in Sabre.

SQUADRON SUPREME:
1. Arcanna Jones was pregnant for most of the limited series, and gave birth sucessfully.

STARMAN
1. Jack fathered children with the Mist (see below) and his significant other, Sadie.

SPIDER-MAN
1. Mary Jane was pregnant but miscarried when one of Norman Osborne’s flunkies poisoned her before she gave birth (there is some debate online about whether she actually miscarried or the baby was stolen by Osborn).
2. Gwen Stacy had twins after an ill-advised tryst with Spider-Man’s greatest enemy: Norman Osborn (the Green Goblin).
3. In the Spider-Girl universe, Mary Jane’s second pregnancy was shown in detail.

TEAM TITANS
1. Donna Troy was pregnant at the beginning of this series. Her husband and child died in a car accident, and then she died in Graduation Day. She came back (again), but has yet to mention her family.
2. Mirage was pregnant at the end of the series and has since been shown with her infant daughter Julianna (Refresh my memory: was the father of Julianna the evil future Nightwing? And was it consensual?).

X-MEN
1. Madelynne Prior was pregnant with Scott Summer’s child (and gave birth to him) in the Uncanny X-Men. This child later went on through a very convoluted storyline to become Cable.
2. Wolverine left a pregnant lover behind in the Savage Land in the one-shot Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure (though it’s not 100% certain that he’s the father).
3. According to one of the tales in Classic X-Men, Colossus also fathered a child during a visit to the Savage Land (pregnancy off camera).
4. Angel Salvadore and Beak had a brood of flying beaked kids. Angel laid eggs, so I’m not sure you would necessarily call her pregnant.

Villains:
Punch & Jewlee
1. During their time inSuicide Squad, Jewlee suffered morning sickness and discovered she was pregnant. She and Punchh left the team soon thereafter and the pregnancy and delivery were “off camera.” They later showed up in Hawk & Dove toting a toddler.

Chesire
1. Gave birth to Lian, fathered by Speedy/Arsenal (Roy Harper). The pregnany was entirely off-camera, and Roy didn’t know he was a father until well after the fact.
2. She seduced Thomas Blake (Cat Man) in Villains United, allegedly for him to father a child for her.

Mist
1. Had a child by Jack (Starman). Pregnancy was entirely off camera.

Star-Sapphire
1. Raped by Predator (another of Carol Fenris’s alternate personalities) and impregnated in Green Lantern #43. Gave birth sometime during Extreme Justice.

Non-Super-Hero:
FABLES: Snow White became pregnant after a drug-induced night with Bigby. She later gave birth to a litter of wolf/human hybrids.

Y: THE LAST MAN:
1. Beth is pregnant with Yorrick’s daughter (note that this is not fiancee Beth, but another one)
2. The female astronaut conceived a child with one of her fellow astronauts and has delivered a healthy son

HELLBLAZER:
John Constantine’s birth was shown in detail, including the death of his mother and twin.

LUCIFER:
Jill Presto is mystically impregnanted by a magic deck of cards.

SWAMP THING:
Swamp thing used the body of John Constantine to father a child on Abby, unaware that John was tained with demon’s blood. Abby ultimately gave birth to Tefe. Not sure if pregnancy was “on camera” or not.

STRANGERS in PARADISE:
Francine miscarried.

ELFQUEST is chock-full of pregnancies and births. I’m not conversant enough with the series to comment.

Characters UNABLE to become Pregnant:
1. Black Canary – Sustained tortue injuries in Green Arrow: Longbow Hunters that rendered her sterile. Her recent dip in a Lazarus pit may have reversed this.

2. Firestar – Using her powers will cause her to become sterile. Hank Pym developed a costume for her that repairs the damage.

*Explanation per Matt Rossi: “Ms. Marvel was impregnated originally by Immortus’ son, who used the devices of Limbo to draw her to him, make her fall in love with him, and then implanted himself into her via some freaky Limbo technology. She then was sent back to Avengers mansion where she gave birth in an extremely short amount of time and the baby was Marcus, Immortus’ son (the one who impregnated her, remember) and then the baby, too, grew up rather remarkably quickly while time itself went ape because Marcus, concieved and born in Limbo, was a being out of time and his mere presence, not to mention the twisted nature of his self-conception into our world and the rapid time displacement, was shattering causality. Eventually Marcus agreed to go back to Limbo but pledged his love for Ms Marvel and asked her to come with him to Limbo, which she agreed to do and the Avengers let her (this was later pointed out to have been a really dumb move.) …I’ve simplified this immensely.”

**Explanation per Chris Arndt: “At first they were magically concieved from the Vision and Scarlet Witch’s love. I mean, how else could they do it? The Vision may be a synthezoid, but I bet he lacks swimmers. Heck, in Avengers West Coast, John Byrne revealed that the Vision didn’t even have external equipment, so to speak. Anyway, eventually it was revealed that the kids souls were re-allocated chunks of the major WCA villain at the time, Master Pandemonium. Mephisto stole his soul, broke it in five chunks, and Scarlet Witch accidentily made off with two of them when she started concieving babies; turns out creating life was beyond her; she still housed souls but later the housing disappeared when her thoughts were not specifically on her children. Raw deal. Her memories of the kids were erased to remove the trauma. All in all it turned out to be a good story but definitely something too dark for an all-ages comic. The worst part is that it was part of Byrne’s de-construction of the Scarlet Witch. She made up her children; she forgot her children; most readers assumed that the Vision was anatomically on-model and as Star Trek’s Data puts it “fully functional” and then Byrne revealed that the synthezoid lacked a male member (and based on dialogue the sudden absence wasn’t a noticeable change) which would essentially de-humanize the character to the greatest degree and thus make the Scarlet Witch the sickest she’s ever appeared to her fans. You can fool a legion of nerds, geeks, sci-fi fans, and whatnot into thinking she married a man if they’re given the impression that the Vision is a man but for his origins. It’’s harder to achieve the idea that she married anything but a robot, something with a life value or even a sexual value equevalent “to a toaster oven” when the robot in question has no Mr. Happy!”

It’s always nice finding a little Monty Python in my comic books. Chris Claremont did it a bunch when he was writing Excalibur (the original series, the fun one) — how many times did someone mutter, “He’s a fair cop”?

Claremont wasn’t the first, though. These panels are from the lead story in Batman Family #3, “Isle of a Thousand Chills!“, with script by Elliot S! Maggin and pencils by Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez.

The first line in the next panel is: “…Because our chief weapon is surprise!”

Then it veers into standard comic book fight format, with Batgirl and Robin taking on a bunch of hooded inquistioners. It all kind of makes sense by the end of the story, which is basically a comic book retelling of the classic Star Trek episode “Shore Leave,” where it ends up being a giant amusement park that can make anything appear (and now that I’ve reminded you of Shore Leave, can’t you just hear that jaunty little Irish tune that played whenever Kirk’s nemesis Finnegan showed up?)

• Script to The Spanish Inquisition skit

We need a new way of looking at continuity. It seems to be me that there needs to be a standardized score given to comics rating their continuity requirement. That way a new reader (or even an established one) will know before a comic or storyline starts exactly how much backstory they are required to be familiar with to enjoy and “get” the story.

Therefore, I am proposing a standardized unit for scoring comic book continuity. I suggest we call it the Geoff (abbreviated G). The standardized unit will be set as equal to Silver Age Batman. Therefore 1 Geoff (1G) is equal to the amount of continuity required to enjoy Silver Age Batman.

The Geoff score is set on a straightforward scale. A comic with a score of 2G required twice as much knowledge of continuity of a 1G comic. A book with a 0.5G score requires half as much knowledge.

At the basic score of 1G, the reader should be familiar with the main characters and their back-story, as well as familiar with the main villains and a little of their history. Only minimal knowledge of specific past storylines is required.

A story that that has recurrent characters with minimal backstory and no required knowledge of previous issues would be about 0.5G. These would include most children’s comics such as Bugs Bunny and Mickey Mouse, as well as many Golden Age comics.

Stories such as Scott Pilgrim or the initial Ex Machina storyline, which require no previous knowledge, have a continuity score of 0G. Generally, these scores don’t last long as backstory is fairly quickly accumulated, raising the scores for subsequent storylines to 0.5G or even higher.

At the other end of the scale would be the James Robinson’s Starman, Geoff John’s JSA, or pretty much any non-Conan story by Roy Thomas. These comics would all earn continuity score in the 3-4G range, depending the particular storyline. Most of Claremont’s X-Men stories would be in the 5G range, as would a large chunk of Legion of Super-Hero series.

Personally, I think this score should be displayed prominently on the cover (next to the S.C.R.U.B.S. score for Batman storylines, of course).

The Geoff Score is a surprisingly flexible concept:

• There could be negative scores. These would be given to stories that purposefully throw out or ignore previously established continuity. Some readers would view these scores as a good thing, while established readers probably won’t. Strange would be a good example of a comic with a negative G score.
• Just like computer games, dual ratings could be given for certain books. There would be the “Minimum Continuity Requirement” and the “Recommended Continuity Requirement.” For example, take a look at Sandman: The Doll’s House. For basic enjoyment, little knowledge is required other than who Morpheus himself is, so the minimum requirement at 0.5G. However, to fully understand all the intricacies of the storyline, it helps to know who the Silver Age Sandman was, who Hector and Lyta Hall were, and even who Matthew Cable was. This increases the Recommended Continuity Rating to 3G. So Sandman: The Doll’s House would be rated at 0.5G/3G.

Robin has it right. Under normal conditions, rigor mortis starts at about 3-4 hours. That makes Robin the only one of the Batcrew currently in Gotham who actually knows how rigor mortis works.

Previous Gotham: CSI episodes:
1. Batman (wrong)
2. Anarky (wrong)
3. Sasha Bordeaux (right)

Back to the ‘Con this morning. Much shorter line to get today — and better weather as well. Once inside, the first thing we did was stop by the CBLDF booth. I re-upped my membership, and in return got a copy of All-Star Superman signed by Grant Morrison. Nice.

Next, Robin and I swung by the Comics Fairplay booth and met Heidi and Jim Meeley. Had a great talk with them, particularly with Heidi. I did get to connect with Laura as well, but more briefly than I would have liked (check out the sword she gave to Kurt Busiek).

We proceeded up to the “DC Comics Panel” featuring writers Kurt Busiek and Gail Simone and editor Bob Schreck. It was a fun hour, as all three of the speakers involved can easily be described as…umm…having a strong personality. Not much information was gleaned, but it was an entertaining time nonetheless. (To me, this was the biggest shortcoming with the ECC. It had great guests, dealers, and exhibitors — but few panels. Panels have always been one of the best things about a good con. For one thing, they give me a chence to rest my feet. More, they give me a good chance to learn more about the creator — and see their interactions with one another — than a brief chat getting a sketch or a Newsarama interview will. More panels next year!)

Went back to the Dealer’s Area and picked up a few more Kamandi and Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane. I also bought several Batman Family and Superman Family comics. I also managed to find several PSA comics in a 25¢ box, so expect some fun over the next few PSA Mondays.

It was a nice weekend for the Hawk & Dove fanatic as well. Saturday, Rob Liefeld was kind enough to sign his five issues of the Hawk & Dove mini-series. Say what you will about Liefeld and his recent art, his Hawk & Dove work was good and he was extremely friendly and easy to talk with. He pointed out a couple of facts about the Hawk & Dove covers that I had never knoen. Sunday, I met Karl Kesel and chatted with him about Hawk & Dove, as well as some more recent work, and geot him to sign the comics as well.

Robin and I left the ‘con about 1:00 and headed over to the Science Fiction Museum. It was interesting and had some great stuff, but I was a little underwhelmed. Robin liked it a great deal better. I suspect it is because the museum is aimed at the general public and not a specific “science fiction fan” audience. I would have liked something more in depth, but if I were a science fiction novice I would have probably found it just right. Note to Sterling: The first issue of Swamp Thing is used as one of the exhibits in the Science Fiction and Society display. Other comics were mostly limited to some of the older EC titles.

Tonight, we’re just going to relax at the hotel, play in the pool, and have a simple dinner. Tomorrow — back to St. Louis!

The Polite-Wife and I are safely in Seattle. It was a long plane flight — because we had to go through Dallas, but a comfortable one. I was able to polish off two books (the latest Spencer book by Robert Parker and R is for Ricochet by Sue Grafton) while Robin read one of her “chick lit” books and burned through some Sudoku.

The Emerald City Comicon has been nice. We has to stand out in a light rain for a few minutes before entering, but it wasn’t bad. Once inside, it was a nice setup in one large room containig exhibitors, dealers, and “artist alley.” We meandered for most of the day, talking to a variety of professionals — finally got to meet Gail Simone…

Scrounging through the dealers’ area, I managed to fill some holes in my Kamandi and Superman’s Girl Friend Lois Lane collections. I’m one issue shy of filling out my Flash collection (#92). There were many dealers carrying Silver Age comics, but few carried much more than the super-hero titles, so I only managed to find one issue of Dr. Kildare and no Doctor Tom Brent, Medical Intern.

Thanks to everybody’s suggestions for places to eat. Tonight we head off for Andaluca for some Spanish themed food.

Tomorrow, back to the Con. We also want to fit in a visit to the Science Fiction Museum before we leave Seattle.

Taking a break from saving the world, stopping bank robberies, and stopping a variety of other felonies, Flash stops by the local schoolyeard to shoot some hoops and educate the kids about AIDS.

This public service announcement is from Flash #73 (February 1973 1993) and it looks like Travis Charest supplies the art (Update: And according to the Official Unofficial Travis Charest Art Gallery bibliography page, it indeed is his art). This is part of the same campaign that gave the suddenly stupid Robin the Boy Wonder ad — but then again, maybe he was playing basketball with these kids. There are several other ads in this campaign and I’ll post as many as I can find in the near future (next up: the JLA).

The advice is good, but I wonder if the audience may be a little young (though they’ve clearly got misconceptions, so it’s probably high time they got the facts) — look at their height compared to the basketball hoop, or compared to Flash’s thigh — they’re the size of three year-olds (I figure he must be standing on his knees in the panel where they come up to his chest).

Two common techniques used in PSA comics are the OMGIHTSTHTM and the ONISGS.

The OMGIHTSTHTM (better known as the Oh My God, I Had That Same Thing Happen To Me) occurs when a character reveals a previously unknown bit of personal history that just happens to fit the topic du jour perfectly. This personal history is rarely, if ever, mentioned again. A perfect example of this is Spider-Man’s previously unrevealed history of child molestation in the Spider-Man and Power Pack Special.

The ONISGS (also known as Oh No, I Suddenly Got Stupid) usually applies to sidekicks or teen heroes in PSA comics. Characters who previously have always been shown to be clever (or at least competent) suddenly lose all knowledge of a particular topic and have to learn about it all over again. Usually the hard way.

Today’s PSA ad is an example of an ONISGS. Robin, the most capable and intelligent of all the teen heroes, is revealed to know absolutely nothing about AIDS. Luckily he has a butler to show him the error of his ways.

No wonder he quit being Robin.

• Click on the image for a larger view.
• I like the way he leaves the Batcave — with one of the most advanced computer systems in the world — to “get some facts.” Where? Is he going to go rough up some viruses?
• Also, “HIV Virus” is redundant. The V in HIV already stands for “Virus”

Trustworthy minor characters suddenly turn into unstoppable killing machines:

The OMAC Project or the Manhunters from Millennium?

The second of two New Teen Titans anti-drug PSA comics from the early 1980s. Once again, this comic features an intro by then-First Lady Nancy Reagan as well as the Robin stand-in “The Protector.”

The plot is extremely basic. The Titans bust some drug dealers, thrust themselves into the lives or some local children, and bust some more drug dealers. Every few pages, one of the neighborhood children takes a few panels to explain why they became a junkie and why they don’t want to be one anymore. It’s a lot like the married-couple interludes in When Harry Met Sally, only without the charm. Speedy, everyone’s favorite ex-druggie superhero gets his own page as well.

It’s plainly obvious this time that generic teen hero “The Protector” is just a re-tooled Robin. There are a number of slip-ups along the way that show he was originally meant to be the Boy Wonder. For instance, in the first few pages me mentions how happy he is to work with the Titans for the first time, yet he keeps saying things like, “And you know how Starfire is.” In the most blatant scene, there is a close up of pair of eyes behind a dark green diamond mask giving orders to the rest of the team — despite the fact that no one present wears that mask (except Robin. Who’s not there because he sold his soul to Nabisco. You heard me! He’s not there! Nothing to see here! Move on!)

The art this time is by George Perez, and as usual is outstanding. The story by Marv Wolfman is plodding and slow. It hits all the “drugs are bad” talking points, but in a pedestrian un-inspired way. I think Marvel’s method of having two shorter stories per PSA comic makes for a much better read.
Just like last time, the last four pages are do-it-yourself worksheets on ethical dilemmas for the reader. This time, these pages are introduced by Ernie the Keebler elf. In my professional opinion, if you hear a little elf talking to you, you either need to stop taking drugs entirely, or start taking some much stronger ones.

Take a look at the back cover. Look familiar? It should. It’s the same as last week’s, just with Speedy in place of Kid Flash (though I suspect that this is the original).

This comic was brought to you by the U.S. Department of Education, the U.S. Customs Service, and those fun loving elves from the Keebler Company.

This is the first of two recently acquired New Teen Titans drug awareness public service comics drom the 1980s. This particular comic starts out with a letter from then-First Lady Nancy Reagan telling kids to fight the battle against drug abuse. There is a strong martial theme running through the letter as if she expects the Draft to start any moment. No mention of astrology, though.

After a start like that, things can only get better, right? Think again…

The Teen Titans, teamed up with generic teen hero “The Protector,” stop a group of drug dealers at an amusement park (and destroy most of the park in the process). Then the Feds show up and take over.

Feds: Titans, Protector,thanks. We’ll take over now.
Protector: It’s the Federal Task Force!

Now when I say the Teen Titans, I’m referring to the classic Wolfman and Perez New Teen Titans from the early ’80s. Well, most of them, anyway. Robin is conspicuously absent. Everyone’s favorite ex-druggie super hero, Speedy, is also conveniently missing.

The Protector asks Wally West (a.k.a. Kid Flash) to keep an eye on his cousin Ted who just moved to Wally’s home town of Blue Valley, Nebraska. It seems that Ted once had a bad drug habit and the Protector is concerned he might fall prey to temptation again.

Everything is going great for Ted at first. He meets a nice girl and is doing well in school. Then Coral, a conniving cast off from Jem and the Holograms, talks him into trying drugs again. After that, it’s too late — he’s hooked! Ted starts doing harder and harder drugs. He breaks up with his girlfriend and begins skipping school.

Ted quickly runs out of money and the dealer won’t give him any more drugs. He and his buddy end up snorting some spilled cocaine off of a bathroom floor. When that doesn’t prove effective, the two of them attempt to rob a local convenience store. Unfortunately, they picked the wrong store and the shopkeeper pulls out a gun and wings Ted’s friend. Ted runs away and is found sobbing on the ground by his ex-girlfriend Amy, who takes him to the hospital to get help.

Meanwhile, the Titans (and the Protector) bust the dealer and the local drug ring. They all visit Ted and his friend in the hospital who both promise never to do drugs again.

The book ends with several pages of activities for readers regarding peer pressure, communication skills, and taking responsibility. This last part is actually very clever and well done.

The story is by Marv Wolfman, who created the New Teen Titans. Sadly, none of his normally keen storytelling skills or inventiveness are evident in this heavy handed story. There is page after page of by-the-book recitation of “drugs are bad for you” facts. In terms of the art, Ross Andru draws the action scenes well, but his talking heads approach to the didactic parts makes the dull sections even duller.

This comic was brought to you by DC Comics, the President’s Drug Awareness Campaign, and NSDA (the National Soft Drink Association).

It’s time to pause and take a moment to look at what search phrases brought folks to Polite Dissent. The usual suspects (Dave Trampier, Gor, Hawk and Dove, Zatanna) were all near the top, joined this month by quite a few searches for both the Bing Crosby/David Bowie “Little Drummer Boy” and the apalling Beach Boys song “Little Saint Nick.”

Search phrases are in green. My comments — if any were required — are italicized.

Love’s Not Time’s Fool Department
english translation of shakespeare noval taming of the shrew
You do realize that Taming of the Shrew was written in English, right?
lyrics i hate men from taming of the shrew
“I Hate Men” is from the musical Kiss Me, Kate which is based on Taming of the Shrew, in more ways than one. Anyway, it’s a great song (particularly the line about Lassie), and here are the lyrics.

Good Questions Department
what happened to scottie mythbusters
I wonder that myself. And what happened to the original assistant Christy?
if a wound is cleaned and medicine put on the cut will it prevent tetanus
Tetanus is most common in puncture wounds and burns. Cleaning a wound helps, but sometimes it’s not enough, and that’s where the tetanus vaccine come in.

Medical Questions Department
medication error involving a nurse on atropine
Was the atropine the medication error, or was the nurse on atropine (which seems bizarre)?
what drug is in the form of a blue pill
There are many, including Clarinex, Synthroid, and Warfarin — just off the top of my head. This one’s probably the one you’re thinking off, though.

You People Scare Me Department
where to purchase animal immunizing dart guns
wkrp fiction and wkrp fanfic
fan fiction;robin; kidnap;chloroform

I Have No Idea What These People are Even Talking About Department
staph infection is frog puncture would in horse
as i wants addresses of alls of alls attackers

The summer of 1959 was a heady time in Gotham City. Citizens were flocking to the Gotham Theater to see Charlton Heston in Ben Hur and Bobby Darin was rocking the town with Mack the Knife. And in a small periodical known as Detective Comics #267, the hero known as Bat-Mite made his debut.

Originally from a rural farm town in a small backwater dimension, Bat-Mite had always expressed an interest in Earthly super-heroes. When his parents died in a tragic yeti accident, he packed his meager belongings in a suitcase and headed out for the big city: Gotham.

Bat-Mite’s Brother: He always had his head in the clouds, talking about them super-heroes and skyscrapers. He was never any damn good at growing pumpkins, that’s for sure.

His first appearance was a smash success, and Bat-Mite appeared in Detective and Batman and World’s Finest again and again. He hung out and partied with all the big names: Batman, Superman, Batwoman, Robin and even Bat-Girl.

Mr. Mxyzptlk: That Bat-Mite sure knew how to have a good time. I would meet up with him after work and he always had at least 2 or 3 women draped all over him. He also had a fondness for those fruity foo-foo drinks. I think it was the paper umbrellas, really. He could always make me laugh though.

It seemed that the good times would never end. But end they did.

New management took over DC and decided that the comics needed a new direction. The Golden Age was over. The ship had sailed; the jig was up; the soup had scorched. Batman comics would no longer be humorous and extra-dimensional imps were no longer needed. Batman had his new look and only serious comics would be published in Gotham. Bat-Mite found himself out on the street. His money? Wasted on pink ladies, cheap women, and racehorses.

Ex-Girlfriend: I kept telling him he needed to save his money. Stop betting on those damn horses. Buy a better car. And shave. Would shaving at least once a week kill him? And clean up that apartment — jeez, what a pigsty. And then he accused me of being nag, can you believe it?

The late 60’s and early 70’s were tough on Bat-Mite. He kept auditioning for roles at DC, Marvel, Charlton, Atlas, Quality and even Archie — but nobody wanted a washed-up has-been imp. A few editors took pity on him and managed to squeeze Bat-Mite into a story here and there — but paying gigs were few and far between. His Broadway debut as Woodstock in You’re A Good Man Charlie Brown was lambasted by the critics and he was fired after opening night. He soon found himself reduced to performing dinner theater in Lansing.

One night, Bat-Mite had an epiphany after a particularly rousing chorus of “You Gotta Have Heart” as performed by the Southern Michigan Men’s Dinner Theater Glee Club. He realized that if ever wanted to work in a respectable medium — such as comic books — again he would have to clean up his act and get his life together. He joined Alcoholic Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and other unnamed organizations and gave up the booze and gambling. He felt better and was able to lose some weight, but he remained unhappy and unemployed. Even with his new outlook he still couldn’t find any good work. He was offered a recurring role on Little House on the Prairie, but even a washed-up cartoon had his pride. Finally, he packed his mask and cape and headed back to the family farm.

Brother: It was good to have him back, and he sure seemed happy — even met and married a local girl — but he still didn’t know the first thing about pumpkins.

Things seemed to be finally settling down for Bat-Mite. His dreams of stardom were over and he was resigned to life as a farmer and husband. Or was he?

In 1977, Hollywood called. Batman and Robin had been given a new Filmation cartoon show and the producers wanted Bat-Mite to be involved. He was ecstatic.

Ex-Wife: He came into the kitchen, stunned, and I asked him what was wrong. He told me to “Pack my bags ’cause we were going to Hollywood!” I had never seen him so happy, even on our wedding day — he was ecstatic. Of course, as we were heading out to California he casually mentioned that the producers wanted a skinny Bat-Mite, so he started popping diet pills. A few with breakfast, some with lunch, a few more with dinner and a handful with every snack. He was eating them like candy.

The New Adventures of Batman was a hit and Bat-Mite was a star again. He didn’t handle the fame well and soon reverted to his old habits. He bought an expensive car and developed a taste for Fuzzy Navels and fast women.

Ex-Wife: I kept telling him that he needed to slow down or he’d kill himself, but he never listened. After I caught him in bed with Betty and Wilma, I’d had enough and I walked out. I told him, “Just you wait. I’ll get my own show.” He just laughed and chugged down a bottle of Grenadine.

The series ended abruptly and Bat-Mite found himself once more out of a job. The cartoon continued to be shown in syndication, but Bat-Mite found his contract was “work-for-hire” and he wasn’t owed any money. In a booze and diet-pill fueled rage, he stormed the offices of DC comics in 1979 and demanded his own comic. He was quickly escorted off the premises and thrown in a back alley dumpster.

A decade of living on the edge followed. Bat-Mite refused to return to the family farm and admit defeat. He was drinking again, peach schnapps, up to a pint a day. He was still hooked on diet pills and had taken to snorting Benadryl in an effort to calm down. He bounced from relationship to relationship, often getting married and divorced the same day.

Ex-Wife #2: It was horrible! Bat-Mite had this two-dollar-a-day Benadryl habit. I was so embarrassed. After one particularly bad argument at a Grateful Dead concert he threw a bong at me. I was so conflicted: I wanted to leave, but I didn’t want to miss the Dead. So I ended up getting a ride home with Shaggy — now he was a quality cartoon character. Too bad he never got over that thing with Velma.

The slope was getting steeper and steeper and Bat-Mite was sliding down like butter on Teflon. Would he ever recover?

After narrowing avoiding a car accident after accepting a ride with Leif Garrett, Bat-Mite took stock of his life. He quit drinking and cut back on the cigarettes. He weaned himself off of diet pills and Benadryl. He swallowed his pride and filmed a few Burger King commercials and a guest shot on Manimal. That gave him enough money to rent a small apartment and hire a personal trainer. He shed pounds, and more importantly, gained confidence. He swallowed his pride and looked up his old partner, Mr. Mxyzptlk.

Mr. Mxyzptlk:I hadn’t seen Bat-Mite for years, and the last time I had seen him it wasn’t pretty. He was high on Schnapps and antihistamines and kept accusing me of selling out. That’s why I was so surprised when he showed up again on my doorstep clean and sober. He apologized for the past and asked if there was any chance I could get him a job.

Mr. Mxyzptlk pulled a few strings and soon DC comics published the critically acclaimed Batman: Mitefall. Bat-Mite was back in print, and on expensive paper, too.

Sadly, the years of hard living had taken their toll. Just two weeks after Mitefall was released, Bat-Mite was found comatose in his Gotham City apartment. The years of booze and pills had been too much for his liver and he never regained consciousness. He was buried in Gotham Heights Cemetary with a simple headstone that reads: Bat-Mite — Cartoon Imp, Visionary, and Hero to Short People Everywhere.

Let’s get this out of the way early: the very idea that Dr. Tompkins would let Stephanie Brown die just to make a point to Batman is ludricous and demeans what had been an outstanding character until that time. There’s simply no way that she would have let anyone die, let alone a patient she knw personally. Plus she knew that the death of a Robin just makes Batman more intense, not less.

Then she “burns her medical license” and runs off to staff an aid station in Africa, but not before setting up a trust fund for Stephanie’s child. In today’s electronic society, burning a license doesn’t accomplish anything. Her license will still be easy to obtain online. And what good is it to set up a trust fund for Stephanie’s child? The baby was given up for adoption years ago and never knew Stephanie. To be brutally honest, Stephanie’s death will have exactly zero effect on the child.

Then Batman tells her Leslie he knows what she did and if she ever practices medicine again anywhere in the world, he’ll turn her in for murder. So someone kills one of Batman’s associates — and admits it — and Batman just lets her go as long as she never practices medicine again? How is justice served in that? It’s a lose/lose scenario.

And what about the medicine? We are told that Stephanie died because medication was withheld. Stephanie was beaten and tortured by the Black Mask. She suffered internal bleeding and several fractures. Those are surgical emergencies, not strictly “medical” ones. No medication is going to fix those problems so I’m not sure what medicine Leslie could have withheld that would have killed Stephanie.

Speaking of Black Mask, since when did it become a race among Bat-villains to see who can get the highest bodycount? It’s sickening. I can understand Joker being a mass murderer — he is psychotic after all. I get disgusted when writers feel they have to develop “street cred” for their villains by having them kill everyone they can get their hands on. First Hush gratutiously killed a boatload of fishermen in Gotham Knights and now Black Mask kills “two armed guards, three civilian bystanders and the presiding arraignment judge.” This was also a stupid move on Black Mask’s part — recent events have shown how upset people get when judges and policeman are killed and he just murdered three of them. He may be a “super villain”, but I find it hard to believe the police wouldn’t start cracking down on all his businesses and business associates in revenge.

• Previous post on Batman #644

I’m going to step away from my chronological review of Hawk and Dove appearances to take a look at Teen Titans #27. The chronological review will return soon with a consideration of Hawk & Dove #4 (as soon as I can find which moving box I packed that series in).

Teen Titans #27 was the first half of a two-episode stint on the Teen Titans by Gail Simone and Rob Liefeld. I’ve been looking forward to this storyline because it is written by one of my favorite writers and features Hawk and Dove, characters that I am particularly fond of. It also features Kestrel, their arch-villain. I was also looking forward to Liefeld’s pencils as he was the first artist to tackle the Hank Hall/Dawn Granger Hawk and Dove team way back in 1988.

Overall, the issue is a good read. The characters are written well, the plot is intriguing and the dialogue is clever. There is an underlying theme of “Father’s Day” but it never threatens to overwhelm the story and serves to tie both the heroes and villains together. Robin’s reactions were to be expected from someone who recently lost a parent, and I liked the way the rest of the team came together — even participating in activites that they didn’t particularly care for — to help Robin through the difficult day.

It’s always a pleasure to see Hawk and Dove in action. Other than an occasional glimpse here and there, not much has been seen of them since their series ended (and Armageddon 2001). This is only the second appearance of the new Hawk, Holly Granger. I, for one, would like to see some more back story on this previously unmentioned sister of Dove (Dawn Granger).

Gail Simone does a good job of establishing Kestrel as a formidable villain. She has pulled together all the little bits of his past hinted at in his previous appearances and forged them into a solid antagonist. Kestrel first appeared in the 1988 Hawk & Dove mini-series and was designed to be the evil opposite of Hawk and Dove (you’ll notice that his outfit is purple, a combination of Hawk’s red and Dove’s blue). An agent of Chaos, his task was to bring Hawk fully over to Chaos’s side. He showed up again in issues #14-#17 of the Hawk & Dove ongoing series. At that time, his ability to jump into new hosts was shown, as was the fact that his claws could cut through dimensional walls. He is arrogant, strong, agile, clever and fully amoral — in other words, a good villain.

As for the art, I think the best way to describe it is to think of Rob Liefeld as Bull Durham’s Nuke LaLoosh (the Tim Robbins character). He has the desire and ability to play ball/draw comics well; he just needs the stern guidance of Crash and Annie to actually pull it off (and maybe some women’s underwear). Seriously, I do enjoy Liefeld’s art when it’s done right. His early art, particularly on Hawk & Dove and the New Mutants was quite good. His later efforts became self-parodies. He needs someone over his shoulder helping with plotting and pointing out continuity errors. And he should never, ever ink his own work. (And I defy anyone to explain the first two pages to me: It’s Robin! He’s flying! No, he’s falling! No wait, he’s on a rope! But the rope isn’t attached to anything! Never mind, he landed!)

If you’ll permit me a little bit of fanboy whining:

• A note to all DC writers, please remember that Hawk and Dove can only change into costume when danger is nearby.
• Kestrel can only “sniff out” Hawk and Dove when they’re in costume and not when they’re in their civilian identities. For example, after his battle with Kestrel at the Smithsonian (in the 1988 Hawk & Dove miniseries), a wounded Hawk was able to escape by turning back into Hank; Kestrel could no longer find him. Thus, as long as Dawn and Holly had stayed Dawn and Holly Kestrel could never have found them.

As usual, Polite Dissent was a frequent stop for people searching for Hawk and Dove, Bwana Beast, Dave Trampier and Kim Possible. Some of the more interesting searches this month (with my comments in italics):

• anxious vigilante – The worst type of vigilante. You never know if they’re going to shoot the criminal or a passerby.
• ornithopters fiction – I know Michael Moorcock used them in his writings, especially in the Hawkmoon series.
• hawk and dove homosexual comic – You do realize that the only time Hawk and Dove haven’t been siblings, they’ve been boy/girl, right? You’re either misinformed, or need some serious help.
• medical term for tricycle antidepressants – We tend to call them tricyclic antidepressants, not tricycle. Try searching for that.
• medical terminology for poison ivy – It’s a type IV hypersensitivity reaction (a type of allergy). Old — but still fashionable — terms for poison ivy include rhus dermatitis and toxicoderma dermatitis (from it’s scientific name).
• best anime openings – I like Witch Hunter Robin, Gunsmith Cats, Martian Successor Nadesico and Full Metal Panic best, though I still have a soft spot for Starblazers, with the asteroids circling the ship while the music starts.
• Medical show with Ben Casey – Umm…how about Ben Casey?
• med school disease – This occurs when a medical student is convinced that they have whatever disease they’re currently studying in class.
• the gift of the magi climax – She gives him a watch fob and he gives her a set of brushes.
• superman for the animals – Please, let’s never mention this again.
• orginal bat-girl – Betty Kane, the niece of Kathy Kane (Batwoman). She’s been ret-conned as Bette Kane, Flamebird.

Teen Titans #26 “Soul Searching”
Geoff Johns, writer
Tony Daniel, artist

A quick and simple lesson on fractures.

Batman to Superman: You know what he did to Robin. His right arm suffered a comminuted fracture. Superboy crushed his bones.

Kudos to Johns for getting his broken bone terminology correct. A comminuted fracture is one where the bone is broken into multiple pieces (too many writers confuse this with a compound fracture, which is completely different).

Here’s a brief primer on some common types of fractures:

• Closed fracture
  A broken bone when the skin over the fracture site is intact. The opposite of an open fracture.
• Comminuted fracture
  A fracture that is broken into more than two pieces.
• Compound Fracture
  An older name for an open fracture.
• Greenstick Fracture
  A fracture that does not go all the way through the bone. Think of what happens when you bend a freshly-cut tree branch: part of the stick breaks, but the rest just bends under the pressure. This is where the name “greenstick fracture” came from. They are more common in children because their bones are much more flexible than adult bones.
• Open fracture
  A fracture where the bone has broken through the skin or where there is a communication between the fracture and the skin. These have a high rate of infection. Generally, any person who suffers a broken bone with a concomitant skin injury is assumed to have an open fracture until proven otherwise.
• Simple fracture
  An older term for a closed fracture.
• Spiral Fracture
  A fracture where the bone has been twisted apart with rotational force. Often a sign of abuse in children.

Some of the more interesting searches that led to Polite Dissent in June, divided into easy-to-understand categories:

You should be studying this rather than looking it up on Google:

• What are the different medicine in the Philippines give the kinds and their uses
• Location and organs served by aorta artery

You People Are Sick!

• Real graphic pictures and images of patients bleeding out because of the Ebola virus
• Batgirl Catwoman tentacle
• Comics about sexual diseases

Good Questions

• What does the medical term foosh mean? My nurse accuses me of making up the word whenever I use it, but FOOSH is a legitimate medical acronym. It stands for Fall On Out-Stretched Hand.
• How does Robin fit all his gadgets in his belt from Teen Titans? Um, unstable molecules?
• Polite weight comments. I don’t think there really are any.
• On Teen Titans are Terra and Slade related? No, and in the original comic book it could be inferred that they were sleeping together, and not in the platonic way (personally, I don’t read it that way – I think Terra just liked to play dress up and Slade pretty much ignored her, but I can see how people could get the idea there was something going on).

Not So Good Questions

• Alternative medicine to cure infection in amputated finger. I’m assuming you want to treat an infection in the finger stump, and not the amputated finger itself, because it’s pretty much beyond help by now. Anyway, I’d recommend you see a real doctor for real medicine. Don’t mess around with alternative medicines for infections; they simply don’t work as well as the real thing (if they work at all).
• Value of Spiro Agnew wrist watch? Before or after taxes (chuckle).
• Is their going to be more movies of the original Batman from the 1960s? No. And you do know that’s not the original Batman, right?

TV

• Boy Meets World episode skiing or broken or leg. I remember that one: Cory sprains his leg while skiing, and stays back at the lodge hitting on the hired help instead of spending time on the slopes with his girlfriend Topanga. It was the first of a two-parter and I’m ashamed I actually knew all that off the top of my head.
• Daria DVD box sets Sadly no. I would pay good money for this.

??

• a rh negative and extraterrestial blood
• polite toilet signs

Once again, pregnancy and child-bearing has become an issue in comics, thanks to Avengers Disassembled and now House of M. I figured this would be a good time to take another look at the list of Comic Book Pregnancies.

Heroes:
ADAM STRANGE
1. Alanna dies during childbirth.

ANIMAL MAN
1. Annie was pregnant and gave birth in the last issues of the series.

AQUAMAN
1. Dolphin and Garth (Tempest) had a son, Cerridan.
2. Mera’s pregnancy happened “off camera”.

AVENGERS
1. Scarlet Witch’s pregnancy was shown in the Scarlet Witch and the Vision mini-series, though her twins were later ret-conned out of existence. This led her to become murderously insane and now crossover-miniseries-murderously insane.
2. Ms. Marvel was pregnant*

BATMAN COMICS
1. Spoiler was pregnant and gave her child up for adoption in Robin; she later died during Wargames.
2. Francine (Man-Bat’s wife) was pregnant in Batman in the 1970’s.
3. Batman and Talia had a son in the more-or-less non-canon Son of the Demon (though the pregnancy was pretty much “off screen”

FANTASTIC FOUR
1. Sue Richards had Franklin, and then lost her second pregnancy. A magical/time-stream induced third pregnancy recently gave the Richards a daughter, Valeria.
2. Lyja Storm was pregnant and gave birth to an egg.
3. Crystal and Pietro (Quicksilver) have a daughter Luna. Reed Richards (apparently an obstetrician in his spare time) delivered the baby.

FLASH
1. Iris was pregnant with twins at the time that the silver age Flash (Barry Allen) died.
2. Linda West lost twins due to an attack by Zoom. There is some question as to whether she’ll be able to become pregnant again.

INCREDIBLE HULK
1. Betty Banner was pregnant, but miscarried.

IRON MAN
1. Pepper Potts was pregnant, but miscarried.

JLA
1. Sue Dibny was pregnant when she was killedin Identity Crisis #1

JSA
1. Hawkgirl was pregnant as a teenager and gave the child up for adoption.
2. Dove was raped by Hank Hall (Hawk) and later gave birth to a child who ultimately ended up housing the soul of the new Dr. Fate, Hector Hall.

INFINITY INC.
1. Hippolyta Hall was pregnant a *long* time, and ultimately gave birth to Daniel (who was taken from her by Morpheus to become the new Sandman).

KILLRAVEN
1. Carmilla Frost discovered she was pregnant in the Killraven graphic novel.

LOSH (1)
1. Garth Ranzz (Lightning Lad) and Irma Ranz (Saturn Girl) had twins. (Twins are the usual on Garth’s home planet Winath; however, twins are determined maternally and Irma come from Titan. Plus are the twins fraternal or identical? Both have been shown on Winath in the series.)

LOSH (2)
1. In the “five years later” Legion, Night Girl was not only married to Cosmic Boy, but also pregnant.
2. Laurel Gand had a child by Rond Vidar.

LOSH (3)
1. Apparition (Tinya Wazzo) and Ultra Boy (Jo Nah) have married and had a child (Cub).

L.E.G.I.O.N.
1. Stealth had a child by Vril Dox.

MIRACLEMAN
1. Liz Moran gave birth in Miracleman #9.

MR. MIRACLE
1. Beautiful Dreamer was pregnant and gave birth.

NOBLE FAMILY
1. Zephyr became pregnant after a spiteful “night of passion” with her family’s greatest enemy.

SABRE
1. Melissa Siren was pregnant and gave birth in Sabre.

STARMAN
1. Jack fathered children with the Mist (see below) and his significant other, Sadie.

SPIDER-MAN
1. Gwen Stacy had twins after an ill-advised tryst with Spider-Man’s greatest enemy: Norman Osborn (the Green Goblin).

TEAM TITANS
1. Donna Troy was pregnant at the beginning of this series. Her husband and child died in a car accident, and then she died in Graduation Day.
2. Mirage was pregnant at the end of the series.

X-MEN
1. Madelynne Prior was pregnant with Scott Summer’s child (and gave birth to him) in the Uncanny X-Men. This child later went on through a very convoluted storyline to become Cable.

Villains:
Punch & Jewlee
They showed up in Hawk & Dove toting a toddler, but I don’t know if the pregnancy was ever mentioned or shown in Suicide Squad or elsewhere.

Chesire
Gave birth to Lianne, fathered by Speedy/Arsenal (Roy Harper), but I don’t know if the pregnancy was shown.

Mist
Had a child by Jack (Starman). Do not recall if the pregnancy was shown.

Non-Super-Hero:
FABLES: Snow White became pregnant after a drug-induced night with Bigby. She later gave birth to a litter of wolf/human hybrids.

STRANGERS in PARADISE: Francine miscarried.

ELFQUEST is chock-full of pregnancies and births. I’m not conversant enough with the series to comment.

Characters UNABLE to become Pregnant:
1. Black Canary – Sustained tortue injuries in Green Arrow: Longbow Hunters that rendered her sterile. Her recent dip in a Lazarus pit may have reversed this.

2. Firestar – Using her powers will cause her to become sterile. Hank Pym developed a costume for her that repairs the damage.

*Explanation per Matt Rossi: “Ms. Marvel was impregnated originally by Immortus’ son, who used the devices of Limbo to draw her to him, make her fall in love with him, and then implanted himself into her via some freaky Limbo technology. She then was sent back to Avengers mansion where she gave birth in an extremely short amount of time and the baby was Marcus, Immortus’ son (the one who impregnated her, remember) and then the baby, too, grew up rather remarkably quickly while time itself went ape because Marcus, concieved and born in Limbo, was a being out of time and his mere presence, not to mention the twisted nature of his self-conception into our world and the rapid time displacement, was shattering causality. Eventually Marcus agreed to go back to Limbo but pledged his love for Ms Marvel and asked her to come with him to Limbo, which she agreed to do and the Avengers let her (this was later pointed out to have been a really dumb move.) …I’ve simplified this immensely.”

It’s time to take a look at the various searches that brought people to Polite Dissent in the month of February. The bizarre things that people search for never cease to amaze me — and it’s even more amazing that these searches somehow brought them here.

the ifle tower in paris – I’m not surprised that Eiffel was spelled wrong (I had to look it up myself), but that so many people spelled it wrong. Was it the same person searching multiple times? Or many people without a dictionary?

busty women – Well, comic books are certainly full of them. Which is strange when you really think about it. Professional athletes are all “non-busty” and one would think super-heroines would follow the same body patterns. The way most of them are drawn, they’ll put out an eye before they ever apprehend a crook.

kitty pryde agent of shield review – It’s bad.

wkrp dvd - Tom explains it better than I ever could.

rattlesnake bite symptoms – First, there’s a very angry legless reptile attached to your leg. Then there’s the bite marks, swelling, pain. Oh just go here to look it up!

superman leprosy x – I actually haven’t covered this topic yet, but don’t worry, it’s coming up. Look for Virus X and Kryprtonian Leprosy during my All Superman Week (which should be the last week of March).

best neurosurgeon in the world – Hush, of course.

echinacea enzite – “What are ‘alternative medicine treatments’ that don’t work, Alex.”

gregory house medical ethics – I don’t think he has any.

gor parody – Is this what you are looking for?

time travel conundrum – For short stories, I prefer Heinlein’s “By His Bootstraps”. For novels, The Anubis Gates /strong>, by Tim Powers, is best.

acronym for brat – Bananas, Rice, Apples/applesauce, Toast. It’s a good diet to help recover from diarrhea.

worst science fiction movie – I vote for Robinson Crusoe on Mars

bruce wayne hairdresser – One of the more underappreciated Elseworlds specials. I particularly like the scene in the beginning when a wig flies in through the window of Wayne Manor and Bruce announces, “I shall become…a hairdresser.”

kim possible voice talent senior junior – Señor Senior Junior is voiced by Nestor Carbonell. He also played the father on this week’s episode of House.

249 – Why is somebody just searching for a number. There have got to be hundreds of results.

dana delaney naked – I recommend renting Exit to Eden. It’s a horrible movie from a horrible Anne Rice book, but at least it’s got Dana Delaney naked.

spaghetti and meatballs skin disease – Tinea versicolor. “Spaghetti and Meatballs” is how skin scrapings from a person with TV looks under a microscope.

(And of course, there were the usual searches for Dave Trampier, Wormy, Yamara, Delusional Parasitosis, Pica, Bwana Beast and Zatanna porn.)

When I was a kid, the two things that scared me the most were Sleestaks and Scooby-Doo. To a kid of 5 or 6, Sleestaks were scary. Giant lizard men loping around the set of Land of the Lost with a lot of hissing. And crystals. And those big vacant eyes. This is the stuff little kid’s nightmares are made of.

Now, Scooby-Doo himself didn’t scare me, it was his show. All those ghosts and phantoms and monsters were frightening. I knew they weren’t real and the “meddling kids” would figure it out sooner or later, but it still creeped me out. I would watch the first five minutes of the show (to see the set-up), and the last five (to sese who done it).

I’m better now, and I can watch the whole Scooby-Doo episode (but not those hour long shows with “guest stars” – those were horrible! Especially the episodes with Batman and Robin and the Harlem Globetrotters). I’m still not a big fan of Land of the Lost, but it’s Chaka now — what an ugly costume.

Anything that scared you as a child that seems ridiculous now?

It’s been a while since I updated the Hawk and Dove Chronology (actually, at this point it’s just the Hawk chronology since Dove perished during Crisis on Infinite Earths).

When last seen, Hawk was fighting Cheshire alongside Wondergirl, Flash, Aqualad, Robin and Speedy in New Teen Titans #19-21. As you recall, the other characters — both hero and villain — made sure that the reader knew that Hawk had gone insane since his brother died.

Hawk returns in New Teen Titans #24 (October 1986), but just long enough
A) to quit the Titans,
B) for the reader to be told once again that Hawk is crazy.

The rest of the issue deals with the introduction of the Hybrid, a super-powered team developed by Steve Dayton (you want to see somebody nuts, look at Mento, not at Hawk) to defeat the Titans.

Looking back at Wolfman’s New Teen Titans, it doesn’t take long to realize how incredibly well-written most of the issues are (any one with Deathstroke or the H.I.V.E. in particular), but I’m also struck by how many issues seem to consist almost entirely of exposition.

“Topsy Turvy” in The Batman featured the return of the Joker. I really like the Joker’s initial appearance in the series; it was the first time I’ve ever seen the villain truly seem psychotic and homicidal, not just goofy. This time around, it was a pretty generic Joker story with nothing particularly homicidal or maniacal about it. A gun that turns people into playing cards? Sounds like a leftover prop from the Adam West series.

The Teen Titans “Birthmark” was a set-up episode. Slade is back, but this time he’s doing prep work for another big baddy (Trigon, presumably). It all centers on Raven, but she’s being tight-lipped as usual. Some decent action, but it’s mostly exposition, foreshadowing and people getting knocked into walls. What is is with the giant gears in this series? Also, I just don’t see Slade calling someone else “master.” He’s too much of an egotist for that, even if they did bring him back from the dead.

“The Cat and the Canary” was the Justice League Unlimited episode this week. Between Black Canary and Supergirl, Green Arrow seems to be the go-to guy for non-League problems. Must be the Robin Hood hat. Girls dig the hat… The episode was OK, but not great — and with that cast it should have bean unforgettable. I thought Dennis Farina was great as Wildcat and Morena Baccarin (Inara from Firefly) was a good Black Canary, and it was fun trying to name the villains*. (Roulette is the newest comic book villain I’ve seen yet; she’s only been around about three years or so.) Still, with that ending, it was basically Amok Time, JLU style.

And I definitely feel cheated by Canary’s scream.

* I saw Sports Master, Tracer, Atomic Skull, Electrocutioner, Hellgrammite, Roulette, Bloodsport and Evil Star

Ultimately, I found both the Teen Titans and Justice League Unlimited to be lacking this weekend.

In Teen Titans, Robin is defeated by a martial arts expert thief and goes to the Himalayas to find the martial arts True Master. He defeats various animal guardians on the way up the mountain to the Master’s house. When he gets there, he finds the Master is the same little old lady he met at the foot of the mountain. Tell me that anyone was actually surprised by that and I’ll be shocked. The main problem (beside a predicatable script) is Robin himself. He is an unpleasant obsessive boor. Easily th eleast exciting of the Titans, any episode where he is the lead suffers. He’s too much Dick Grayson and not enough Tim Drake. Even Jason Todd would help.

Justice League Unlimited, “Time, Warped” was the second half of last week’s time traveling episode “The Once and Future Thing“ featuring Chronos, Batman, Green Lantern, and Wonder Woman. This one was disappointing because it should have been so much better. We finally get the meeting between Batman and Batman Beyond and it’s boring. The script seemed rushed and non-sensical at points. The final solution, as Mike points out, was deus ex machina. I’d like to pretend this script never happened and hope for a better first meeting between Batman and Batman Beyond (though I will give a thumbs up to the Batman/Bruce Wayne good cop/bad cop routine and Hal Jordan’s appearance).

This is Hawk’s first outing sine his brother died, and it’s not one of his prouder moments.

New Teen Titans #19 is primarily a set-up issue. Most of the Titans have split town for one reason or another. Cyborg is helping Changeling look for his step-father. Raven is missing and Nightwing is searching for her. Jericho is working with his mother and Starfire is in outer space with her husband. Wondergirl is the only Titan remaining. When a request comes in from a secret government agency for help on a case, Nightwing refuses to get involved. Frustrated, Wondergirl argues with him and then recruits her own team of Titans. For her team, she goes back to the basics: Robin (Jason Todd, in this case), Speedy, Wally West (in one of his first outings as Flash), Aqualad and Hawk.

In New Teen Titans #20, the team travels to Switzerland. Their mission is to protect the U.S. and Soviet ambassadors from an attack by the assassin Cheshire. The ambassadors are having secret peace talks at the top of the Alps. Cheshire launches a pre-emptive strike against the Titans at their chalet. She shoots and severely wounds Flash but escapes before she can be captured. The next morning the Titans travel to the top of the mountain where the ambassadors are meeting. Cheshire arrives and has her first face-to-face meeting with Speedy since giving birth to their child, a fact that is news to him.

The rest of Cheshire’s men scale the mountain in New Teen Titans #21 and the battle ensues. The Titans are surprised by the fact that Cheshire doesn’t seem to be trying very hard. Speedy suspects she’s up to something. He’s right: her mission is not to assassinate anyone at all but instead to expose the Titans and stop the peace talks. It turns out that nobody is supposed to know the ambassadors are meeting, and the arrival of the Titans halts the peace talks and exposes the Titans to international scorn.

While technically proficient, two and a half issues of second-string Titans do not make for a very interesting read. It’s the equivalent of watching the XFL instead of the NFL. Remember how long that lasted? I never thought I’d say this, but Jason Todd was the most interesting character of the bunch. Wondergirl is too concerned with being a leader to be a hero. Flash is obsessing about making Barry proud while Aqualad spends all his time mourning for Tula (and who thought bringing Aqualad to the top of a mountain would be a good idea?). Speedy is conflicted about fighting Cheshire and Hawk is just plain crazy.

How do we know Hawk is crazy? The script tells us time and time again. No subtlety here. Flash calls him the Titan’s “looney toon contingent.” Donna tells Robin, “Hawk’s been insane since his brother died.” Even the villain agrees. “He’s insane,” thinks Cheshire. Back to Wondergirl: “Only Dove could keep Hawk in check…without his brother Hawk’s a maniac!” A little later she tells him, “Hawk, you don’t need to be with the Titans, you need a psychiatrist!” And did I mention he spends all his down time carving a block of wood into a gun with a hunting knife? Nope, it’s not hard to miss that Hawk is supposed to be crazy.

Eduardo Barreto’s art is generally very good, but he can’t draw Hawk’s costume very well. His cape looks more like withered fingers than feathers. George Perez draws Hawk much better on the cover. Barreto keeps forgetting (or it could be the Wolfman’s script) that Hawk can only be in costume when there’s danger present. Sitting around the Titan’s Tower, he should just be Hank.

All in all, another lackluster adventure with the Titans. I think the Titans West storyline was the closest the Titans ever came to an exciting story that involved Hawk (and/or Dove).

One of my pet peeves is authors who ruin the suspension of disbelief in their books by trying to be too clever for their own good. I have no problems with authors basing their works in reality or history. H. Beam Piper was one of the best at basing his works on history yet being totally original. What I hate is when authors hit you over the head with their lack of originality in this regard.

Two good examples come to mind. In David Weber’s Honor Harrington series, the enemy planet Haven was based on events in France after the French Revolution. That’s fine. It was a fascinating period of history and has a great deal of built in drama. But did he have to name the lead villain Rob S. Pierre? This is just way too blatant and totally ruins the suspension of disbelief.

Another example is in Robin Hobb’s Farseer Trilogy. This one hit me before I even started the book. The map of this “imaginary realm” is an inverted map of Alaska. So much for fantasy… (Here’s a fan’s computerized version of the map. Look at the top half of the image.)

For the record, the Harrington series is one of my favorite science-fiction series. It’s the closest I’ve found to a “Hornblower in Space” series. I found the Farseer Trilogy too dense to read comfortably. The follow-up Mad Ship Trilogy was much better.

Tales of the Teen Titans #50 is a double-sized anniversary comic book that observes the marriage of Donna Troy to Terry Long. Held at the palatial Dayton estate (Garfield Logan’s house — at least in the pre-Crisis, pre-Byrne era), the wedding guests included almost everyone who had ever been a member of the Teen Titans. The caveman Gnarrk was the only no-show (but his existence would soon be a moot point with the looming Crisis).

Hank and Don Hall appear at the bottom of a single page, where Donna introduces them to Terry. She presents them as Hank and Don as well as Hawk and Dove — so much for secret identities (although she seems to be introducing Don as Hawk and Hank as Dove). A snide reference is made to their previous appearance in The Brave and the Bold #181:

Terry: Funny, I got the impression you were older.
Hank: Yeah, lately everyone’s been saying that.

This comic can best be described as a celebration — like all weddings should be. There are no super-villains, no nefarious plots and no threats to loved ones. What makes the story all the more poignant is the fact that both Terry and Donna have since suffered completely pointless deaths; Terry and their son Robert died in Wonder Woman #121 and Donna was killed in Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day #3.

This is the final appearance of Hawk and Dove (or in this case, Hank and Don Hall) before Crisis on Infinite Earths, which was to start in a mere six months.

Given my recent fascination with Duela Dent, I thought that I’d throw in her appearance in this comic as well. She gets more lines than the Hall brothers. They get no respect, I tell you.

Time to take a break and look at the searches that led people to Polite Dissent in November. The top searches were fairly similar to last month’s. Dave Trampier and his comic strip Wormy were popular, as was Bwana Beast , Hawk and Dove, and questions regarding pica. Tusky the walrus was also very popular this month. Adrenalitis was a surprisingly common search; I’m sure this says something bad about America’s TV watching habits. Treehouse of Horrors was another popular search item; leading the pack were over a dozen searches for “The Frogurt is also cursed.”

I also seem to be getting a large number of searches regarding veterinary medicine.

Other interesting searches last month (with free snark!)

good cough medicine made with jack daniels I don’t know, but please give me the recipe when you find it.
hepzibah starjammers She finally showed up in Starjammers #5, but she was drawn with these weird amphibian ears…bleah!
doc mid-nite mcnider gay I don’t think so.
the pantheon hector comic gay Yes he is.
what is nyc doing regarding the avian flue Closing the flue (chuckle, chuckle. Why isn’t anybody else laughing?)
the riddler knows bruce wayne is batman Shh, don’t tell. Nobody’d believe you anyway.
i want to be a surgeon The first step is admitting your problem.
i like you in klingon That’s nice of you to say.
medical comic There are few good ones published now. I recommend Scutmonkey comics, over at the Underwear Drawer.
bat girl bette kane Yes she was, but then Barbara Gordon (and Yvonne Craig) came around, and Bette Kane is now Flamebird. At least she wasn’t retconned out.
adult film star teegan Hmmm….naww.
pictures of bobby labonte crashing Come on, he had a bad enough season as it was. Don’t rub it in.
robin 130 spoiler Are they looking for spoilers for the plot of Robin #130, or looking for the character Spoiler?
the savage naked she-hulk I would buy this comic in an instant.
what were the ingredients in the medicine that gave beast boy his powers Well, it depends on the origin of Beast Boy. Originally it was the disease sakutia combined with the machine his father used to cure him that gave him his powers. I’m not quite clear on the on his current origin.
polite puns An oxymoron. There are no polite puns.

Warning: Spoilers ahead for those who have not read War Games: Act Three

War Games: Act Three was a little better than Act Two, but still suffered in comparison to the generally good Act One. The first two parts (Detective Comics and Legends of the Dark Knight) act did a good job of building momentum in the disastrous meeting in the park. Just as tension was building, the storyline switched over to Nightwing and most of the excitement was lost. Robin also focused almost exclusively on one character, but it was full of action and it’s good to see Tim back as Robin. I particularly enjoyed the way he took down the Trickster without any trouble at all (the Trickster is easily my least favorite of the new Rogues.) Tension built again in the claustrophobic Batman: Gotham Knights where Tarantula and her gang were trapped in an old building. Once again, at the height of tension, the main story was derailed to visit solo characters (Batgirl and Catwoman) — not bad issues, but they added little to the overall plot. Batman existed mostly to tie up all the dangling loose ends, and by the way, Spoiler died (which was pretty much the way the story dealt with it).

War Games wasn’t a bad storyline, but it wasn’t particularly good. I’d rate it higher than Bruce Wayne: Murderer/Fugitive and Hush, but lower than the Batman Family storyline from two years ago. At several intances, the plot and action became mesmerizing. Unfortunately, every time this happened the solo books slowed the story down quickly and all momentum was lost. In future crossovers, DC should keep the plot in the Batman books. The solo books can supplement the story, but not be mandatory reading.

In the first panel of Teen Titans #52, Lilith announces to the startled Titans East that her powers are causing the various calamities the teams have encountered. Without waiting for any explanations, the Titans East accuse the Titans West of engaging in a “life of crime” and the two teams battle. Wonder Girl uses her magic lasso to ensnare both teams and force them to stop fighting.

Lilith explains that Mr. Esper is somehow using her power to cause all these catastrophes. After finally understanding the entire situation, the combined Titans split into three teams: one to track down Mr. Esper, one to stop Long Island from drifting out to sea, and a final team to track down Captain Calamity. In a true heroic style, the last team to return has to buy everyone else dinner.

Beast Boy changes into a whale (a green whale with a dark green lock of hair, that is), and with a pod of whales summoned by Aqualad, begins to push Long Island back to its rightful place. Golden Eagle and Bumblebee direct the whales from the air while Dove and Kid Flash watch the team’s back.

Wonder Girl, Hawk, Speedy, Guardian, Lilith and Gnarrk track down and confront Mr. Esper. Esper uses his powers to force the group to fight each other again. His powers also somehow confound the team of Titans trying to save Long Island (how exactly he accomplishes this is never satisfactorily explained).

Robin, Harlequin and Bat-Girl visit the local jail to check on the imprisoned Captain Calamity. Once there, they discover that he has mysteriously escaped. This doesn’t stop Bat-Girl and Harlequin from competing with each other for Robin’s attention.

Wonder Girl, once again the only voice of reason in the entire Titans team, realizes that Lilith is the key. Since Mr. Esper draws his powers from her, incapacitating her should slow Esper down. She knocks Lilith unconscious and Esper’s powers instantly disappear — and he himself fades away seconds later. The disappearance of Mr. Esper allows the whale-herding Titans to resume their mission and retrieve Long Island.

Robin and the dueling divas jump on the Robin-cycle and drive to Throg’s Neck Bridge where — true to form — Captain Calamity is robbing the stranded motorists. The trio easily manages to capture him and when they unmask him, they discover that Captain Calamity and Mr. Esper are the same person. Ready for the explanation? Mr. Esper used the powers he stole from Lilith to “create” Captain Calamity. Since Calamity was just a mental creation of Esper’s, he didn’t escape from jail but just faded away. Now, Esper got clever and put on the Calamity outfit himself. The Mr. Esper that Hawk, Lilith and the others fought was merely a mental duplicate and so vanished when defeated. The real Mr. Esper/Captain Calamity was robbing people on the bridge and got captured by Robin. Whew!

Somehow, despite actually capturing the villain, Robin’s team was the last one to return to the Titan’s secret disco base and had to buy everyone dinner. Before the Titans West head back to the West Coast, both teams pose for a team portrait.

Don Heck’s art is much better this issue than last issue. He is ably inked by Bob Smith, and Smith’s weightier lines add the heft that was missing last issue. There is much more action this issue and Heck does a good job with these scenes.

Thankfully this was just a three-issue storyline because the story kept getting worse and more contrived with each issue. This whole “Captain Calamity was just a mental construct of Mr. Esper” was confusing at first read and made less sense with each subsequent attempt. The only real interest in this storyline was the return of Hawk and Dove and the original Bat-Girl. Be honest, was there really anybody anywhere demanding the return of Golden Eagle?

This is the last that Hawk and Dove will interact with this incarnation of the Teen Titans. In fact, the next issue of the Teen Titans will be the last issue until their revival at the hands of Wolfman and Perez. Hawk and Dove next appear a year later in the anniversary issue Showcase #100. This is followed three years later by a non-canon story in Brave and Bold #181. Four years after that they appear with the Titans again, this time for Donna Troy’s wedding in Tales of the Teen Titans #50.

Notes:

1. Mr. Esper’s plan of having the Titans fight each other was not particularly clever. Since Lilith was the least physically imposing of the Titans, someone was bound to knock her out eventually and he would lose all his powers.
2. Is there really a Throg’s Neck Bridge?
3. This story was slightly ret-conned and re-told in a post-Crisis version in Secret Origins Annual #3, but that’s a post for another day.
4. Sadly, this is the last Hawk and Dove appearance where I can type secret disco base. Damn.
5. This is the last that is heard of Titans West until they unofficially reappear in Hawk & Dove Annual #1 in 1990. Another Titans West (later renamed Titans L.A.) was attempted several years after that in Titans Secret Files #2, but they too disbanded quckly. Bat-Girl (now ret-conned as Flamebird) is still active as a minor hero. Golden Eagle died during the Titans Hunt storyline (New Titans #72). Lilith assisted various incarnations of the Titans, for a time as the mysterious hero Omen, before meeting her end during Titans/Young Justice: Graduation Day. Beast Boy (a.k.a. Changeling) is still an active member of the Teen Titans. Gnarrk, for reasons unexplained, died sometime before Donna Troy’s wedding (in the pre-Crisis timeline), and long before it (in the post-Crisis timeline).

“Titans East! Titans West! And Never(?) The Titans Shall Meet!”

Teen Titans #51 begins shortly after the events of the preceding issue, with the Titans West relaxing in a fast food restaurant. Lilith is warning the others that more calamities will occur, but the group doesn’t believe her. Hawk and Beast Boy leave in disgust but encounter the very calamity Lilith warned them about: an office building launching into space. With the help of the rest of the Titans West, they mange to keep the building on the ground. All the time they are wrestling with the building, they are being watched by a mysterious villain named “Mr. Esper” who casually reveals to the reader that he has “tapped into Lilith’s powers.” As the Titans recuperate after their struggle, Lilith’s caveman boyfriend Gnarrk shows up and tries to pick a fight with Hawk and Beast Boy.

Over on the East Coast, Captain Calamity and his men are still threatening the buried airplane. In a brief fight, the Titans East capture the entire gang, including the calamitous Captain. Returning to the Titan’s secret disco base they encounter Aqualad, who announces he is going to quit the team — basically because his powers are wimpy. Meanwhile, the Titans discover that Long Island is drifting out into the Atlantic Ocean. With Captain Calamity in jail, Robin wonders who is really behind this latest incident. At that precise moment, the Titans West stroll into the Titan’s secret disco base and announce that the person who is to blame…is Lilith! To Be Continued Next Issue…

The art by Don Heck seems sketchier than the previous issue. I suspect this is mostly due to inker Frank Chiramonte’s lighter lines. The action scenes are fine, but the personal scenes suffer the most from the art this issue.

The story by Bob Rozakis is the second of the three chapters of the Titans East/Titans West saga. It has more action than the previous chapter, but that’s because it doesn’t have as many characters to introduce. The introductions that do occur — Mr. Esper and Gnarrk — are not handled particularly deftly. Overall, the story reads like a middle chapter. All this issue does is push the plot along enough so that the two teams of Titans meet. Sure hope the payoff is worth it.

Notes:

1. In this issue, Hawk reveals where he and Don have been for the past two years (the “comic book time” that passed in the four years since their last appearance): Don went to college and Hank joined the Navy.
2. Since Hawk and Dove can only be in costume when danger is present, why are they still in costume in the fast food restaurant? I suspect they were ahead of the curve when it comes to the dangers of fried foods.
3. I have never seen less original puns and quips during a fight than in this story. “Have a nice trip…see you next fall.” Gee, that’s original.
4. I just have to type it one more time: secret disco base. It has quite a ring to it, doesn’t it?

Since David Welsh is giving us some of his favorite mystery writers this week, I thought I’d chime in with some of my own overlooked mysteries that are worth the time to track down and read.

• The Brother Cadfael series, by Ellis Peters, is a captivating mystery series set in the England of the late 12th century*. Its main character is Brother Cadfael, a former crusader who is now a Benedictine monk. The mysteries themselves are well written and the history is fascinating. The first book is the probably the weakest, but still well above average. Brother Cadfael was turned into a BBC series, shown on PBS’s Mystery, that is supposed to be very well done.

• Malcolm Shuman has written a brief series of mysteries focusing on professional historian and archaeologist (but not in the Indiana Jones sense) Alan Graham, who finds himself involved in a variety of mysteries mostly around the Baton Rouge area. All of the books have a historical tie and topics covered include Meriwether Lewis (of Lewis and Clark), Jim Bowie, Indian burial grounds, Lee Harvey Oswald and the Mayans.

• Tonya Huff has a five-book series involving Victoria Nelson, a former police detective now P.I., her ex-partner and sometimes-lover Mike Celucci, and Henry FitzSimmons, a vampire “romance novelist” around since Tudor England. The books combine mystery with horror, and each book addresses a classic horror staple (i.e. demons, mummies, Frankenstei’ns monster, werewolves, etc.). A sixth book was recently published focusing on Henry and minor character Tony.

• G.K. Chesterton’s series of books and stories involving Father Brown, a quiet shabby priest who solves mysteries in an almost “by the way” manner remains a wonderful read well over a hundred years after they were written. Inexpensive because of that whole public domain thing. As a comic book reference, G.K. Chesterton is who Gilbert (aka Fiddler’s Green) is based on in the Sandman “Doll’s House” storyline.

Warning! Footnote involving a small history lesson:
*Historically, the Brother Cadfael books take place in the period of time when both Stephen and Matilda were fighting for the throne of England. Ultimately, Stephen wins, though to preserve peace Matilda’s son Henry is named as his heir. To put this is in a historical perspective, Henry is better known as Henry II, husband of Eleanor of Aquitane and father of Richard the Lion-Hearted and King John (or Magna Carta and Robin Hood fame), and murderer (albeit indirectly) of the Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas Becket — which leads down the line to Chaucer’s Canturbery Tales. Clear as mud?

The Batman was a the only new run super-hero cartoon today. “The Big Heat” featured Firefly as the villain. It was a decent episode — nothing special, but certainly watchable. Having Adam West provide the voice for the mayor of Gotham City was a nice touch. (And a hint to the writers/artists: infrared shows heat sources, not ultraviolet).

The Teen Titans, “Haunted”, was a repeat episode. Robin is having hallucinations (or is he?) that Slade is still alive. A so-so episode, only saved by the last minute reveal.

“The Greatest Story Never Told” was on Justice League Umlimited this evening. It’s a repeat, but definitely worth watching. The JLU does a good job of combining humor with story and action, as shown by this episode (the second best so far) and “This Little Piggy”, the best one so far. Lots of good lines and inside jokes in this episode. Here’s my original review.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to watch Full Metal Alchemist and Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex

Remember back to Teen Titans #25, when Robin quit the Titans and the rest of the group vowed never to wear their costumes again? Here it is three issues later, only the second storyline since taking their vow, and they’re back in costume with Robin at their side. But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Teen Titans #28, “Blindspot”, starts as Sharon, a young woman walking through the park at night, stumbles upon a horrible secret. Screaming, she runs back to her apartment. Unfortunately, in all the excitement she dropped her purse and the criminals are able to find out where she lives. Luckily, Aqualad is at her apartment looking for her roommate Donna Troy when the thugs show up. Aqualad throws them out the window and relocates Sharon to the Titan’s headquarters for safety. Sadly, the horror of what she witnessed in the park has blocked the memory from her mind. Unable to find the other Titans, Aqualad tracks down Robin at Hudson University. Robin takes him to Mr. Jupiter’s estate where the other Titans are staying. Frustrated that he can’t convince the Titans to help him, Aqualad manages to talk them into donning their costumes and talking to Sharon in an attempt to find out what she saw in the park. Lilith uses her mystical power to read Sharon’s mind and discovers that she saw grotesque aliens masquerading as humans. Aqualad wants to run out and hunt for these aliens, but the Titans remind him of their vow. Angrily, he stalks out to solve the mystery himself, but is clubbed from behind, tied to a tree and left to die. The villain is revealed to be Aquaman’s (and Aqualad’s) arch enemy Ocean Master.

In Teen Titans #29, “Captives”, Kid Flash, Wonder Girl and Speedy all show up in the nick of time — and in costume — to rescue Aqualad. They tell him that they decided “to forget about our vow, at least for the present!” Meanwhile, Hawk and Dove return to Sharon’s apartment, hoping to lure the thugs back there. Their plan works too well and Hawk is overwhelmed and knocked unconscious. Dove enlists the help of the other Titans to rescue his brother, but in the end Hawk and Dove still manage to get captured by Ocean Master and taken to his underground lair. Using their powers, the brothers manage to escape and confront Ocean Master and his alien allies. Just when Hawk and Dove are about to be defeated, the rest of the Titans bust in and the criminals and aliens are all captured. At the end of the issue, Aqualad tries to convince the Titans to give up their vow but they refuse. Sadly, he leaves them behind telling them, “I can see that you’ve learned something from this adventure! But the way I see it, you haven’t learned enough!”

The art is generally quite good. Nick Cardy does an excellent job using varying angles and perspective to keep the panels interesting. His dramatic use of shadows adds a layer of suspense to the plot. Sadly, his aliens are less than inspired. They have a distinctive Silver Age Marvel look to them and could easily have stepped from the pages of Fantastic Four.

The story, by original Hawk and Dove scribe Steve Skeates, is too full of coincidences. A young woman just happens to be walking through a park at precisely the right moment to come across aliens disguising themselves as human (and why would the aliens use a public venue to make the change when they have a secret hideout?). This same young woman just happens to be Donna Troy’s roommate. Aqualad just happens to choose the perfect minute to visit Donna. The villain just happens to be Aqualad’s arch enemy Ocean Master. More importantly, the way the Titans so easily and completely (and frequently) change their minds about their supposedly sacrosanct vow never rings true and undermines the “seriousness” of this vow (and all the stories that spring from it).

Hawk and Dove manage to get some nice action scenes in this story. Unlike previous Titans stories, their original personalities resurface and they repeatedly butt heads over their philosophical differences. Ultimately, Dove joins Hawk in attacking the aliens, figuring that violence in this instance is fine because the villains aren’t human.

This is the Hawk and Dove’s last appearance as main characters in this edition of the Teen Titans. They appear in an original back-up story in issue #31 and a reprint back-up story in issue #39. They do make some appearances when the Teen Titans is relaunched in 1977, but that is seven years down the line. The Teen Titans themselves last for two and a half more years, but the series ends at #43 in 1973.

Teen Titans “Wavelength” was good. Not great, but certainly enjoyable. HIVE and Brother Blood (in this version, Brother Blood is the Ras Al Ghul-like leader of HIVE, not a megalomaniac cult leader) are planning to use technology stolen from Cyborg to cause an immense tidal wave. The Titans and Aqualad sneak into HIVE’s underwater hideout to stop them.
Some thoughts:

1. This cartoon version of Bumblebee is better than the comic book version — she was always a laughable character there.
2. The Titans escaped from their death traps a little too easy. There just happens to be a convenient computer terminal — not damaged by the water — that Robin can quickly use to shut down the traps?
3. The underwater physics in this episode was pretty bad, enough to detract from the story for me. (Though, to her credit, my wife did keep telling me, “It’s just a cartoon.”).

“Child’s Play”, the Justice League Unlimited episode, was another great episode. The story owes a great deal to both the “World Without Grown-Ups” and “Sins of Youth” storylines from the comics. Morgan Le Fey and her perpetually young son Modred find a powerful mystic amulet. Chafing at the perpetual presence of his mother, Modred grabs the amulet and wishes all the world’s adults away.

Superman, Batman, Green Lantern and Wonder Woman had just captured a gang of thieves (Blockbuster, Cheetah, Copperhead and KGBeast) when the magic hit them and they found themselves stranded in a magical limbo. Morgan Le Fey changes the four heroes into children so they can go back and defeat her son.

There were some very funny bits: John Stewart needed glasses as a child, so starts out with Urkel glasses but morphs them into a Kyle Rayner-style mask. Despite being a child with so much imagination, he only uses his ring to make giant boxing gloves and all the other trappings of the Silver Age Green Lantern. Meanwhile, Wonder Woman is hitting on Batman (who ignores her) while Superman is completely oblivious.

The hero’s solution was brilliantly Mxyzptlkian¹, and the final scene reminded me of the tragedy of the Greek Myths². Overall, another good episode with excellent voice work.

The Batman was another repeat. So far, it’s been on 7 weeks and only had 4 new episodes. Not the way to build an audience. The episode was “The Cat and the Bat.”

Starting in 1970, the Teen Titans gave up their costumes and their powers. They continued adventuring, not as super-heroes, but instead as teen secret agents. A similar plot concept failed spectacularly a few years previously in Wonder Woman and it didn’t succeed any better here. Within two years, the Teen Titans was canceled. Still, the stories were not entirely without merit. Several important characters were introduced and Hawk and Dove officially joined the Teen Titans, at least for a few issues.

So what led to the Titans and Hawk and Dove giving up their costumes and powers? I’m glad you asked!

It all started on night when the Titans went to a disco in their civilian identities. While there, one of the dancers comes up to them, addressing them as the Teen Titans. This dancer is the precognitive telepath Lilith in her first appearance. She gives the Titans a cryptic warning but they blow her off.

Later the Titans attend a peace rally headlined by Nobel Peace Prize winner Dr. Arthur Swenson. Hank and Don Hall are also in the audience; Don siding with the peace protestors, Hank with the counter-protestors. A riot breaks out in the auditorium and both the Titans and the Halls run into the back alley to change into costume. They recognize each other and run back into the auditorium together. The Titans and Dove try to quell the violence, while Hawk uses it as an opportunity to assault peaceniks. One of the rioters brings out a pistol and all of the Titans, including Hawk and Dove, tackle him. In the ensuing struggle, the gun goes off — mortally wounding Dr. Swenson.

The heroes rush the Nobel laureate to the hospital, but it is too badly injured and he dies. The members of the Justice League arrive and all but accuse the Titans of murdering Dr. Swenson. The Titans walk out of the hospital, their heads hung in shame.

A short time later, they encounter Lilith again, this time with mysterious Mr. Jupiter (“That man — I recognize him — one of Bruce Wayne’s business friends – a great, selfless man!” thinks Robin). He offers the teens a chance to do heroic work, but without the use of their costumes or powers. The Titans and Hawk and Dove agree, all except Robin, who takes his leave from the group in order to attend college. The remaining heroes go off with Mr. Jupiter and turn in their costumes.

Gil Kane’s Nick Cardy’s art on this issue is excellent. He uses non-traditional panel layouts to emphasize key aspects of the story. He excels at action scenes and is skilled at varying angles and views to add emphasis and interest to the art. His superb inks add strength to the darkness of the plot.

[Update - Johhny Bacardi is right; the art is all Nick Cardy, not Gil Kane. I was using faulty information from a particular source and didn't confirm it with other sources. Sigh. Mea culpa]

The story? Well, to put it simply, the story is a mess. The “heroes inadvertently cause the death of an innocent person” is a comic book cliche, and was cliche when this story was published. It seems hard to believe that the Justice League would so savagely indict the Teen Titans for an accident they were trying to prevent when the entire League has been in similar situations themselves. The way the story is told in a variety of flashbacks adds nothing to the story except to build up an artificial mystery of “who was shot.” This story is mostly set-up, and it shows. Unfortunately for the Titans, the stories it sets up aren’t much better.

Notes:

1. Robin doesn’t take part in the auditorium brawl as he is conveniently off calling the police. Consequently, he doesn’t share the blame in Swenson’s death and doesn’t join the other Titans in their vow of giving up their costumes. Undoubtedly, this is so he can continue his adventures with Batman in that title.
2. The Titans association with Mr. Jupiter lasts until the end of the first series of the Teen Titans (issue #43). He appears as a benefactor in a later Teen Titans series as well.
3. I realize Hawk tends to be violent, but beating up innocent peace protestors just because he disagrees with them seems out of character (at this point in his career, anyway).
4. Since Hawk and Dove are supposed to change back into Hank and Don when danger is no longer present, how is it that they can stay in costume the entire time they are in the hospital?
5. Hank and Don Hall fashion watch: Both characters are nattily dressed in turtle necks and double-breasted suits at the peace rally. No bow ties — or ties at all — this time.

The Hawk and the Dove didn’t just appear in their own short-lived series but also appeared together in several issues of the Teen Titans. As you may recall, the Teen Titans make a brief (very, very brief) appearance at the end of The Hawk and the Dove #5 which leads into Teen Titans #21: “Citadel of Fear.”

Chasing the same smuggler, the Teen Titans and Hawk and Dove stumble into each other in a warehouse. The Teen Titans suspect that Hawk and Dove are villains and the obligatory super-hero fight breaks out. Dove recognizes the Titans and tries to stop the fight, but Hawk is happy to hit anyone. The fighting only stops when Hawk manages to save Wonder Girl from some falling crates and the two teams reluctantly agree to work together.

The smuggler has escaped through a teleporter. It has two settings, but no one knows which one the smuggler used. Hawk, Dove, and Wonder Girl teleport to one destination, while Robin, Speedy, and Kid Flash travel to the other. Both groups find themselves in a trap. Hawk, Dove and Wonder Girl are gassed and imprisoned, but Dove figures out a way for them to escape. Robin, Kid Flash and Speedy are attacked and knocked-out by a giant robot. Robin and Kid Flash are carried off before Hawk, Dove and Wonder Girl arrive to help Speedy defeat the robot. At the end of the battle, the robot crashes down on top of Speedy and only by combining their power are Hawk and Dove able to rescue him.

The group sets off in search of Robin and Kid Flash, but the tunnel they’re following forks. When Hawk suggests that he and Wonder Girl go one way and Speedy and Dove go the other, Speedy gets mad and punches him. After Wonder Girl dresses down Speedy for hitting someone who saved his life, the teens split off down the two tunnels. Both groups arrive at the villain’s hideout at the same time and battle the smuggler’s henchmen. The smuggler himself is captured when he tries to blow up the hideout. Although the heroes are victorious, some questions remain: Who was the voice that was controlling the smuggler? And where are Robin and Kid Flash?

Unfortunately, Hawk and Dove won’t be around to help find the missing Titans. As soon as the smuggler was captured, they began to change back to Hank and Don and had to make a hasty exit.

Neal Adams provides both the script and the pencils. He is ably inked by Nick Cardy. The art is quite good with dramatic angles and exciting action sequences. The issue as a whole has that unmistakable Adams look to it. The cover art is credited to Nick Cardy.

The script does a good job with Hawk and Dove. Their various strengths and weaknesses are well shown and neither emerges as the superior hero. This issue even manages to mention Hank’s fear of heights, a topic that had been neglected in the Hawk and the Dove title. The Teen Titans themselves don’t fare as well. Kid Flash is injured early on and Robin and Speedy are shown as particularly stubborn and pig-headed. Wonder Girl is there to look pretty.

The Hawk and the Dove return to their own title for its final issue (The Hawk and the Dove #6), but will show up again in the Teen Titans with issue #25.

Unlike War Games: Act One, Act Two has very little medicine. Unfortunately, it also had very little of substance occurring at all. Compared to the generally well done Act One, Act Two was mediocre at best.

The first act had two important things that Act Two is lacking: a sense of action and a rewarding climax. In Act One, readers could feel the frantic sense of desperation as the outnumbered Bat-team tried to confront gang after gang after gang. There was a sense of frantic action that is missing entirely from Act Two. The main players in this drama – the warring gangs – are nowhere to be seen in this arc, which is a shame because their cross-purposes and double-crossing made for some entertaining reading.

Act One had a definite climax it was building toward: the showdown at Tim’s school. There was a sense of organized movement. Sadly, this is also missing from the second act. There is no big climax. The big villain reveal was halfway through the storyline – so much for any sense of drama (and the Black Mask – who really cared?). A group of gangs meeting at a park doesn’t sustain the interest like a pitched battle in school hallways, and it doesn’t even happen until the next act.

There were also some moments that stretched believability too far. For instance, I can see Catwoman successfully defeating the Ravens – she has style and ability. But Tarantula handily defeating villains that Batman and Flash have a hard time with? Maybe she could have taken down the new Trickster and that caped guy from last year’s Batman Family crossover, but Killer Croc and Deadshot? No dice.

In terms of supporting characters, it was nice to see the Tim Drake Robin back in on the action. Both Batgirl and Catwoman had two of the better stories this time around. On the other hand, Nightwing has become such a psycho-whiner recently that I wouldn’t care if he did end up as the killer in Identity Crisis. Spoiler? I didn’t like torture being shown in Long Bow Hunters and it hasn’t improved with age. Plus the art in Robin was really ugly, which didn’t help. Speaking of spoilers, I’d like to thank the DC Comics Encyclopedia for giving away too much about certain characters in this storyline.

I hope that Act Three will be able to regain the momentum that this month lost, but I have little hope. DC should have ended War Games after the first month and it would have been a great success.

The Batman Family #14 “Old Super-Heroes Never Die — They Just Fade Away!”
Bob Rozakis, writer
Don Heck, penciler
published in October 1977

Batwoman knocks on the door to Barbara Gordon’s apartment, only to disintegrate before Barbara’s eyes when she opens the door. It turns out that a short time before, Batwoman had confronted a couple of thieves who shot her with their special gun called a “Convincer” that knocked her out. She came to and crawled to Barbara’s apartment.

Believing the remnants on the costume look familiar, Barbara travels to Hudson University to meet with chemist Dr. Nu. He confirms what Barbara suspected, that it is a virus similar to the hybrid virus he once created – only this one is deadly! Both Dr. Nu and Batgirl put on a special plastic suit to keep the virus from spreading.

Barbara calls up Robin and together they look for clues. Their investigation leads them to a carnival on the Washington D.C. Capitol plaza. While there, they run into carnies Mr. Brain and Dr. Brawn who they soon deduce are the criminals responsible. Dr. Brawn pulls out the Convincer, and fires it at Robin, knocking him back into the crowd. He then fires it at Batgirl, but it has no effect. It seems she is protected by her plastic sheeting. Batgirl is able to subdue the crooks and bring. Kid Flash swoops in and runs the Dynamic (more or less) Duo and the Convincer to Dr. Nu for testing. The doctor determines that the virus it produces shrinks people into smaller and smaller bits. A counter-virus is produced and Batgirl, Robin, and even Batwoman are cured.

Medically, this “shrinking virus” is nonsense. I suspect “virus” was a convenient scientific-sounding catch word at the time this was published, because the concept of a virus introduces more plot holes into the story:

• A gun that shoots viruses?
• How exactly did Dr. Brawn and Mr. Brain (not particularly competent criminals) get their hands on such a gun? Did they invent it or steal it?
• Why weren’t Dr. Brawn and Mr. Brain infected?
• Why was Dr. Nu able to see the virus with a normal microscope?
• Why is a chemist investigating a virus instead of a biologist?
• When Robin asks Kid Flash to help him write his overdue term-paper, is this the beginning of the moral slippery-slop that leads to the murder of Blockbuster in Nightwing?

The comic does contain some classic Silver Age moments, reproduced here (click on thumbnails for larger views):

I love that line: “We’re fighting the clock, sir…the clock of doom!”

H of the Comic Treadmill wanted to know the S.C.R.U.B.S. score for War Games. For those of you who don’t remember, S.C.R.U.B.S. is a numerical system designed to quickly indicate how likely a particular Batman storyline is to be bad. The higher the number, the more likely that it’s a bad story. Just remember, you asked for this…

Rules of Engagement

1. Basic S.C.R.U.B.S. scoring is used (as of Act One, no Advanced S.C.R.U.B.S. modifiers apply…yet)
2. As this is a 25-part crossover, each comic has a starting score of 13
3. A character’s appearance in their own book does not count against the book (For example, Nightwing appearing in Nightwing is not worth S.C.R.U.B.S. points)
4. All secondary characters play substantial roles, so their reduced point value is used (for example Batgirl is +3 instead of her normal +5). The exception to this is the Spoiler who only has a peripheral role in Act One so is still worth her full +6 points (the exception to the exception is that she plays a major role in Batman: The 12? Adventure, so is only +3 there).
5. The Tarantula is counted as equal in annoyance to Batgirl, Spoiler and Orpheus and as such is worth +5/ +3 (your mileage may vary).
6. Each gang is counted as a villain, not each person in the gang. There are eleven gangs total, but not each gang appears in each issue. Also, Orpheus’s gang is not counted as a villain and nor are the Latin Unifieds once the Tarantula takes control of them. (The stories get confusing sometimes, so I may have lost a gang or two somehwere along the way)

The scores:

• Batman: The 12? Adventure
  13 + Spoiler (+3) + Catwoman (+2) + Orpheus (+3) + Nightwing (+1) + Tarantula (+3) + 11 gangs (+9) + Kobra (+1) = 35
• Detective Comics #797
  13 + Oracle (+1) + Orpheus (+3) + Batgirl (+3) + 5 gangs (+3) = 23
• Legends of the Dark Knight #182
  13 + Orpheus (+3) + Oracle (+1) + Batgirl (+3) + 3 gangs (+1) = 21
• Nightwing #96
  13 + Nightwing (0) + Oracle (+1) + Tim Drake (+1) + Tarantula (+3) + 2 gangs (0) = 18
• Batman: Gotham Knights #56
  13 + Oracle (+1) + Nightwing (+1) + Batgirl (+3) + Tarantula (+3) + 6 Gangs (+4) + Hush (+1) + Prometheus (+1) = 27
• Robin #129
  13 + Tim Drake (0) + 2 gangs (0) = 13
• Batgirl #55
  13 + Batgirl (0) + Oracle (+1) + Spoiler (+6) + 1 gang (0) = 20
• Catwoman#34
  13 + Catwoman (0) + Spoiler (+6) + 1 gang (0) + Mr. Freeze (0) = 19
• Batman #631
  13 + Tim Drake (+1) + Oracle (+1) + Nightwing (+1) + Batgirl (+3) + 6 gangs (+4) = 23
• War Games Act One (as a whole)
  13 + Oracle (+1) + Tim Drake (+1) + Nightwing (+1) + Batgirl (+3) + Catwoman (+2) + Orpheus (+3) + Tarantula (+3) + Spoiler (+6) + 9 gangs (+7) + Kobra (+1) + Hush (+1) + Prometheus (+1) = 43

War Games, Act One, parts 1-8
Detective Comics #797, Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #182, Nightwing #96, Batman: Gotham Knights #56 , Robin #129, Batgirl #55, Catwoman #34, Batman #631

In War Games, a meeting between gang bosses has gone awry and the various gangs are hunting each other across the streets of Gotham City. The first five issues of the series were good, building momentum that lasted through Robin. Unfortunately, the story momentum faltered during the Batgirl and Catwoman issues, and by the time the story returned to the high school siege in the final part, it was almost too late to salvage the storyline.

Given the gang war scenario, much of the Act One storyline dealt at least indirectly with medical care ( and trauma care in particular).

Realizing the potential scale of the medical needs of the gang war (Detective Comics #797), Dr. Leslie Thompkins tells her assistants to call in all her favors and order “all the plasma and whole blood anyone can supply”.

• Having extra blood on hand makes good sense, but whole blood is rarely used when packed red blood cells are available. Fluid overload is a significant concern with whole blood and there is a greater chance of transfusion reactions when whole blood is given. Packed red cells are the best choice.
• I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again: plasma is not used for traumas; its use is limited to patients with clotting disorders.
• On the positive side, it’s nice to see that at least one penciler (Pete Woods, in this case) knows how to draw a nasal cannula correctly.

Later, when Nightwing visits the Thompkins clinic (in Nightwing #96), this bizarre exchange occurs:

Nurse: “Dr. Thompkins, we’ve got four new penetrating traumas and we’re out of cervical collars.”
Dr. Thompkins: “Exsanguinated?”

Exsanguinated is the past tense of exsanguinate, which means to drain of blood. So Dr. Thompkins is asking if the patients were drained of blood. Since this isn’t a vampire flick, that really doesn’t make any sense. I can see her asking if they are bleeding or were bleeding (especially given the penetrating trauma), but not if they were drained of blood. I chalk this one up to the writer (Devin Grayson) incorrectly using a big medical-sounding word. (Or maybe the vampire crime family from Bite Club has moved to Gotham City.)

In Robin #129, Tim Drake and his friends are caught in the crossfire when several different gangs try to abduct their classmate Darla.

• When his friend Jimmy is shot in the leg, Tim correctly tells a bystander how to place direct pressure on the wound to stop the bleeding. He reassures Jimmy, though he should have been more concerned about the fact that he was slipping into shock (“Tim? I feel cold.”).
• Tim does an excellent job of calming potential panic among bystanders and directing them to call 911.
• Later in the issue when Darla is shot, Tim immediately begins performing CPR on her. He is using the correct ratio of 15 compressions to 2 breaths. However, his first concern should be whether Darla even needs CPR. She was shot in the right shoulder/upper back. Based on anatomy, she may have a lacerated subclavian artery (and/or subclavian vein) and a lung injury. The heart was not injured, so the only reason it would stop beating would be lack of blood. Tim needs to stop Darla’s bleeding first and then worry about rescue breathing and chest compressions.

In Catwoman #24, a neighborhood child is shot and Selina brings the patient in to Dr. Thompkins. Thompkins chides her about moving the injured child. As a general rule, it is best not to move an injured patient. If the spine or spinal cord is injured, moving the patient has a chance of worsening the injury. In some other situations (such as a pelvic fracture), moving the patient may increase the bleeding. There are certainly occasions where the patient needs to be moved immediately (a burning car or building, for instance), but this doesn’t seem to be one of them. On the other hand, it’s never mentioned where the child was shot, so it may have been safe to move him after all.

Finally, in the conclusion to War Games Act One (Batman #631), Tim has managed to move Darla to the nurse’s office where the nurse is putting direct pressure on the still bleeding wound (no CPR this time – good!). If Darla’s still bleeding that bad after all this time, it’s definitely not a good sign. According to the nurse she keeps slipping in and out of consciousness which is consistent with shock and the amount of blood she’s lost. It’s really no surpires when she ends up dying of her wound.

Paizo, publisher of the Dragon, Dungeon, and Undefeated magazines, has started to publish a new version of the venerable Amazing Stories magazine. The numbering takes up where previous volumes left off, so #603 (September 2004) is their first issue, and #604 (October 2004) is their second. This new take on Amazing Stories aims to cover every aspect of the “stories” of fantasy, science-fiction and horror.

The magazine is standard sized, 82-86 pages long and square-bound. Each issue sports a photo cover and $5.99 cover price. The presentation is up to Paizo’s usual high production standards with full color pages and plenty of original illustrations. The ads are kept to a minimum and most are house ads for other Paizo magazines.

There are a few typos and editing errors in both issues, but nothing serious except in the Robert Silverberg interview in the premier issue where the graphics obscure entire words in several places.

Each Amazing Stories issue is divided into four sections. The first section deals with previews of upcoming movies, books and TV shows. The second section contains a variety of original articles. The third section contains a handful of short stories and the last section of the magazine contains reviews of a variety of media.

The previews are well-written and informative, but there are several that are about shows or movies long passed. This doesn’t matter as much in terms of books or music, but what is the sense of reading a preview of a television mini-series that aired two months ago? This problem is cleared up greatly by the second issue. The first portion of the magazine also contains a letter column as well as some mostly forgettable cartoons, though John Kovalic’s Redshirts looks promising.

The original articles in the magazine cover a wide rand of topics. The first issue contains articles on the new Batman movie and another about super-hero movies in general. There are two outstanding articles in the first issue. The first is about the Twilight Zone radio show and the second concerns Dabel Brothers Productions converting fantasy novels into comic books, focusing primarily on the Hedge Knight. This section ends with a reflective interview with Robert Silverberg.

The second issue has articles about R.A. Salvatore’s contributions to a new Forgotten Realms video game and a look at Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. The best articles in this issue are the interviews. One is a discussion with Ray Bradbury and the second is about Richard and Wendy Pini, creators of ElfQuest. There is also a lengthy look at the fantastic and science fiction shows in the upcoming TV schedule.

The weakest part of the first issue was the short stories. The authors are just not able to do much with 3-5 pages each. The best is Timothy Zahn’s story about a future prison; it has some intriguing ideas but a clich餠ending. Each story features a page of opening art of varying style. Unfortunately, the illustrations hinder several of the stories (particularly the ones by Bruce Sterling and Gene Wolfe) rather than allow the reader to draw their own conclusions. The final story of each issue is based on a clever idea (for short stories, that is; it’s an old idea in comic books). A well-known author is given a picture and must write a short story based on the illustration, rather than the other way around. The first issue contains a 200-word story by none other than Harlan Ellison. It is an ambitious story given its obvious limitations. Far better is Neil Gaiman’s introduction to Ellison’s story.

The stories in the second issue are much better. Patrick Weekes writes an enjoyable narrative exploring the fantasy clich頯f the talking sword and Mike Resnick has a clever tale about the perils of dealing with aliens. The third story by Larry Tritten is the weakest of the stories, but still an enjoyable read. It reminds me of some of Spider Robinson’s Callahan tales. In this issue, Joe Haldeman tackles the final story and concocts a fascinating tale based on an image by David Rankin.

Both issues contain a wide collection of reviews. Many different media are considered including books, comics (single issues and collections), DVD collections, movies and music. There are some problems with timeliness again as some movies are reviewed long after they’ve left the theaters. The reviews seem mostly accurate (to my taste anyway – your mileage may vary) and are long enough to give the reader a good taste of the piece without giving too much away. As an added bonus, each review is appended with a suggestion of three other similar works the reader may also enjoy. It’s a clever idea and has opened my eyes to several books I might have otherwise missed. The magazine also contains special reviews of some older and more obscure genre movies that have probably never been examined elsewhere.

The new Amazing Stories magazine is an ambitious project. It aims to cover all aspects of fantasy, horror and science-fiction. Each issue is a pleasant evening’s diversion, but not much more than that. By attempting to cover so much, some areas of the magazine seem very superficial. This is particularly true in regards to the short stories, which is unfortunate as that is what Amazing Stories has built its reputation on. The magazine certainly has some clever ideas and excellent production values, but may be too shallow for the casual fan at its current price and page count.

Given the storyline in Identity Crisis #1 (and Michael Hutchison wondering about “pregnancy-related threats” in his excellent annotations to the story), it seemed like a good time to post the updated list of Pregnancies in Comics.

Any additions are welcomed!

Heroes:
ADAM STRANGE
Alanna dies during childbirth.

AQUAMAN
Dolphin and Garth (Tempest) had a son, Cerridan. Mera’s pregnancy happened “off camera”.

AVENGERS
Scarlet Witch’s pregnancy was shown in the Scarlet Witch and the Vision mini-series, though her twins were later ret-conned out of exsistence.

BATMAN COMICS
Spoiler was pregnant and gave her shild up for adoption in Robin.
Francine (Man-Bat’s wife) was pregnant in Batman in the 1970’s.

KILLRAVEN
Carmilla Frost discovered she was pregnant in a Killraven graphic novel.

FANTASTIC FOUR
Sue Richards had Franklin, then lost her second pregnancy. A magical/time-stream induced third pregnancy recently gave the Richards a daughter, Valeria.
Lyja Storm was pregnant and gave birth to an egg.
Crystal and Pietro (Quicksilver) have a daughter Luna.

INCREDIBLE HULK
Betty Banner was pregnant, but miscarried.

IRON MAN
Pepper Potts was pregnant, but miscarried.

FLASH
Iris was pregnant with twins at the time that the silver age Flash (Barry Allen) died.
Linda West lost twins recently in the current Flash.

INFINITY INC.
Hippolyta Hall was pregnant a *long* time, and ultimately gave birth to Daniel.

MIRACLEMAN
Liz Moran gave birth in Miracleman #9.

ANIMAL MAN
Annie was pregnant and gave birth in the last issues of the series.

JLA
Sue Dibny was pregnant when she dies in Identity Crisis #1

JSA
Hawkgirl was pregnant as a teenager and gave the child up for adoption.

SABRE
Melissa Siren was pregnant and gave birth in Sabre.

STARMAN
Jack fathered children with the Mist (see below) and his significant other, Sadie.

LOSH (1)
Garth Ranzz (Lightning Lad) and Irma Ranz (Saturn Girl) had twins. (Twins are the usual on Garth’s home planet Winath; however, twins are determined maternally and Irma come from Titan. Plus are the twins fraternal or identical? Both have been shown on Winath in the series.)

LOSH (2)
In the “five years later” Legion, Night Girl was not only married to Cosmic Boy, but also pregnant.

LOSH (3)
Apparition (Tinya Wazzo) and Ultra Boy (Jo Nah) have married and had a child (Cub).

L.E.G.I.O.N.
Stealth had a child by Vril Dox.

MR. MIRACLE
Beautiful Dreamer was pregnant and gave birth.

AVENGERS
Ms. Marvel was pregnant*

TEAM TITANS
Donna Troy was pregnant at the beginning of this series. Her husband and child died in a car accident, then she died in Graduation Day.
Mirage was pregnant at the end of the series.

X-MEN
Madelynne Prior was pregnant with Scott Summer’s child (and gave birth to him) in the Uncanny X-Men.

Villains:
Punch & Jewlee
They showed up in Hawk & Dove toting a toddler, but I don’t know if the pregnancy was ever mentioned or shown in Suicide Squad or elsewhere.

Chesire
Gave birth to Lianne, fathered by Speedy/Arsenal (Roy Harper), but I don’t know if the pregnancy was shown.

Mist
Had a child by Jack (Starman). Do not recall if the pregnancy was shown.

Non-Super-Hero:
STRANGERS in PARADISE: Francine recently miscarried.

ELFQUEST is chock-full of pregnancies and births. I’m not conversant enough with the series to comment.

Characters UNABLE to become Pregnant:
1. Black Canary – Sustained tortue injuries in Green Arrow: Longbow Hunters that rendered her sterile. Her recent dip in a Lazarus pit may have reversed this.
2. Firestar – Using her powers will cause her to become sterile.

*Explanation per Matt Rossi: “Ms. Marvel was impregnated originally by Immortus’ son, who used the devices of Limbo to draw her to him, make her fall in love with him, and then implanted himself into her via some freaky Limbo technology. She then was sent back to Avengers mansion where she gave birth in an extremely short amount of time and the baby was Marcus, Immortus’ son (the one who impregnated her, remember) and then the baby, too, grew up rather remarkably quickly while time itself went ape because Marcus, concieved and born in Limbo, was a being out of time and his mere presence, not to mention the twisted nature of his self-conception into our world and the rapid time displacement, was shattering causality. Eventually Marcus agreed to go back to Limbo but pledged his love for Ms Marvel and asked her to come with him to Limbo, which she agreed to do and the Avengers let her (this was later pointed out to have been a really dumb move.) …I’ve simplified this immensely.”

Thanks to Laura, Johanna, Matt, Shane, Marc Laporte and Kevin for their assistance in adding to the list. All help is appreciated!

How much have things changed in the past twenty-plus years I’ve been collecting comics? How much has stayed the same? And were the changes good, bad, or useless? Decide for yourself…

When I started collecting comics:

1. Comics cost 35? or 40?.
2. Trade paperbacks were few and far between. I think Origins of Marvel Comics, Son of Origins, and Bring On the Bad Guys were the only choices.
3. There were not may independent comics, and the ones available were hard to find.
4. There were no limited-series or mini-series.
5. Covers routinely featured dialogue.
6. There was no direct market.
7. In the back of each comic was a letter column with a catchy name.
8. Chris Claremont was writing the X-Men.
9. Stan Lee was editor in chief of Marvel Comics.
10. There were no creator credits on the cover.
11. Jean Grey was still alive (the first time).
12. Three words: Ben Day dots.
13. Dick Grayson was Robin.
14. There were no extravagant multi-part super-crossover “event comics”.
15. Micronauts was a popular comic.
16. Comics were purchased in pharmacies, grocery stores, and bookstores.
17. Gwen Stacy and Bucky were dead.
18. There was no e-Bay.
19. The Fantastic Four cartoon featured Herbie the robot instead of the Human Torch.
20. There were no multiple covers or gimmick covers.

I’ve been sick with a nasty sinus infection most of this weekend (and there’s nothing more pitiful than a sick doctor), so I’ve been watching a lot of movies on tape and DVD. On Friday, I mentioned the worst science-fiction I’ve ever seen (Robinson Crusoe on Mars). Despite what I said on Friday, it’s probably not the worst one ever made, but certainly the worst I’ve seen.

Since I had too much time on my hands and couldn’t get up enough energy to move, I decided to compile a list of my favorite films and the worst ones I’ve seen in 3 different genres. I’m sure there are worse movies than the ones I mention, but thankfully I haven’t seen them. My definition of “favorite movie” doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s the best in that genre, but it’s the one that speaks to me most.

The worst science-fiction movie I’ve seen: Robinson Crusoe on Mars. They stole the plot from Dafoe and still couldn’t make a decent script. Bad acting, bad effects, and horrible science (don’t forget to take your “oxygen pill”).

My favorite science-fiction movie: Logan’s Run. Considering that it came out in the same year as Star Wars, the special effects are pretty bad (especially that robot in the freezer scene). However, there’s something about this movie that just grabs me (besides Jenny Agutter). The premise is clever, and carried off well. This was the first movie I bought on DVD. (Forbidden Planet is a close second to Logan’s Run)

The worst fantasy movie I’ve seen: Legend. There are simply too many incomprehensible special effects, an unintelligible plot, a day-glo bad guy and wooden acting by Tom Cruise. It all adds up to a big bleah!

My favorite fantasy movie: Excalibur. Still the best King Arthur movie ever made. Gotta love Merlin’s metal skull-cap.

The worst super-hero movie I’ve seen: Supergirl. Even Helen Slater couldn’t save this one, and I was a big Helen Slater fan at that time.

My favorite super-hero movie: The Phantom. It was fun. The script was a little pulpy at times, but the characters and acting was good. True to the source. (Loved the Phantom Cabbie in the last issue of Smax. “Slam evil, not doors.”)

My favorite movie of all time? Easy, that would be The Thin Man. Made in 1934 and starring William Powell and Myrna Loy, it’s the great-granddaddy of today’s detective comedies. It’s still funny (and suspenseful) all these years later.

When I was 12, I went to my first science-fiction convention: RoVaCon 7. It was a small convention held at a high school in Roanoke, Virginia. We lived about 45 miles away and I convinced my father to take me for my birthday. He agreed and two weeks later, my dad and I, along with my friends Kevin and Steve, piled into our old Chevy Malibu station wagon and drove the hour to Roanoke.

The main guests were William Tenn and Laura Banks. William Tenn is one of the best short-story writers in science fiction and has become a favorite of mine (though could someone please explain his story Wednesday’s Child to me). At the time, Laura Banks was best known for being one of the two female followers of Khan in Star Trek II. I think that’s still her main claim to fame. Other guests were there too, including Richard Preston and Kelly Freas, but I have no memory of seeing them.

While my friends and I wandered the dealer’s room (the gym), entered the coloring contest and just meandered about, my dad stayed in the auditorium listening to the various speakers and watching the movies.

It was a fun day, and I have many good memories of the con:

• I bought my first comic book back issue: Uncanny X-Men #146, the 2nd issue of the three-part Dr. Doom/Arcade storyline. I paid one dollar for it.
• Even though we felt we were “too old” to enter the coloring contest, my friends and I entered it anyway because they gave candy to anyone who entered, and – well – it was candy and we were 12! They had a picture of their mascot, Rover (a dog in a bubble helmet) for us to color. I decided he must be an alien dog, so colored him green. I won second place and a ribbon, but no more candy.
• We drove down the street to the local Hardee’s for lunch. Kevin became upset when he realized he had been given sweetened tea instead of unsweetened tea. Steve said “I’ll unsweeten it for you!” and proceeded to pour a whole shaker-full of salt in the tea. General hilarity ensued, though I don’t think my father thought it was all that funny.
• I watched what is probably the worst science-fiction movie ever made: Robinson Crusoe on Mars. My father disagrees, stating that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians was much worse, but come on, it has Pia Zadora in it, so it at least has that going for it.
• I only caught the end of William Tenn’s talk, but I wish that I had heard more. I remember that he was talking about the difficulties of time travel. Not the technical difficulties, but all the cultural differences that would cause problems for the time traveler. Interesting stuff, even to a 12 year old.

Since then I’ve been to about thirty other convention of varying themes. I’ve never failed to have a good time, but that first small convention still ranks as one of the best.

Batman: Gotham Knights #53
A. J. Lieberman, writer
Al Barrionuevo, penciler

In this issue, Hush joins Dr. Mid-Nite as one of the few physicians portrayed in comics who are actually shown practicing medicine.

Hush travels to Star City, where he rescues Prometheus from a battle with Green Arrow. Green Arrow had shot Prometheus 3 times: once in each shoulder and once in the thigh.

In a hotel room, Hush initially has Prometheus icing his shoulder, and then encases his whole body in bags of ice. An IV is placed and running some sort of fluid. Hush removes the arrows and sews up the incisions. He injects Prometheus with morphine to kill the pain.

First, Hush has good suturing skills. He gives an excellent demonstration of vertical mattress sutures.

Sutures come in two main varieties: running and interrupted. In a running suture, a knot is tied at one end of the incision, enough stitches are placed to close the wound, and then a second knot is placed at the far end. Running sutures are fast and not as irritating to the body as interrupted sutures (there are fewer knots). Therefore they are good when speed is an issue, or internally when fewer knots are better. On the other hand, running sutures aren’t as forgiving, and one break will re-open the entire wound.

In interrupted sutures, each stitch is tied and knotted separately. Interrupted sutures are easier to line up and give better cosmetic results. They are slower to tie, but sturdier because one stitch can break without affecting the others.

Hush is using a special type of interrupted suture known as a vertical mattress suture. These are good for closing gaping wounds without putting undue pressure on the incision (note that the knots are not over the incision). They can leave a bigger scar sometimes and can be a pain to take out, but are a good choice in this instance.

I’m unsure what the purpose the ice is serving. There is anecdotal evidence that lowering a patient’s temperature slows bleeding, but if it is lowered too much the bleeding worsens. The temperature must be tightly controlled, not like it is here. More importantly, individuals who have lost a great deal of blood are at increased risk for hypothermia, so icing Prometheus is not a good call.

Finally, it would be a lot easier on Hush if he’d just inject the morphine in the IV already there, rather than trying to inject the vein.

As I’ve mentioned repeatedly in previous posts, I have been unimpressed by recent storylines in the Batman titles. Wouldn’t it be nice to know beforehand exactly how bad a particular story arc is going to be?

I hereby introduce S.C.R.U.B.S. (Scoring Concerning the Readabilty/Unreadabilty of Batman Storylines). It is a scoring system designed to give a quick determination of whether a particular Batman title storyline is going to be particularly bad. It is not designed to identify good storylines, just highlight the ones likely to be bad.

Scoring is easy, consisting of 4 areas of considerationsfor Basic SCRUBS (length of storyline, identity of Batman, side-kicks/guest stars and villains). Special modifiers are added in Advanced SCRUBS. The Basic SCRUBS score can be figured out from advance solicitations and no significant advance knowledge is needed. The Advanced system is more accurate, but requires more in-depth knowledge of the storyline. Once the Basic or Advanced score is determined, the Final Score table will show whether the storyline is worth reading. Scores are also comparable to one another: a storyline with a score of 14 is worse than one with a score of 7, and a storyline scoring 31 will be much worse than either of them.

Examples:

• In Knight Moves in Batman: Gotham Knights (#38-40), a 3-part storyline where Batman and the Huntress fight Checkmate before the Huntress ultimately agrees to join the organization. This would score 10 points: 3 points for number of issues, 2 points for the Huntress (as she was a major character ), and 5 points for her acting out of character.
• Batman: City of Lights would score 18 points. 4 points for being an 8 issue limited series, +3 for Batgirl (as she is a main character), +4 for a new villain, +2 for the death of a minor character, and +5 for Batman acting out of character.
• I don’t even want to calculate the score from Hush

With just a little work, this system could be adjusted to fit other super-hero titles as well. Reading Previews will give us enough for Basic SCRUB scores, and reviewers could put Advanced SCRUB scores in their reviews. With the use of SCRUBS, bad Batman storylines can be avoided!
(I admit this is tounge in cheek — mostly — but I still think it could work.)

I have been watching anime for many years. When I first was shopping for anime, there weren’t many choices available: Bubblegum Crisis, Kimagure Orange Road, Vampire Hunter D, and not much else. VHS was the only option, and you had to choose between subbed or dubbed. They always came in these real bulky plastic packages, too.

Thankfully, things have changed. There are hundreds of titles available now, and with DVD you can have subbed and dubbed (at the same time if you want – and that’s always fun, because the translations rarely agree). The voice acting is much better now as well.

One thing hasn’t changed for me. In my mind, one of the most important parts of the anime experience to is the opening credits. This can make or break a show for me.

What makes a good opening? A near perfect combination of music and graphics is important. Important aspects of the show should be shown, but not much plot given away.

A good opening will make me stop the DVD and re-play the credits. I will want to watch the “clean” opening and closing in the extras. God help me, I’ll sometimes watch the previews of that anime just to hear the music.

Here are my favorite openings in alphabetical order:
• Big O – The silhouette graphics over the psychedelic backgrounds are eye-catching. The theme music (sounding suspiciously like Queen) is hard not to sing along with.
• Full Metal Panic – Light music, but easy to sing along to, even if your Japanese is poor or non-existent. Clean graphics introducing the crew, villains, and robots (of course!). The opening animation changes in the later episodes, but the music stayed the same. Both animations are good, but I prefer the original.
• Gunsmith Cats – Jazz music with a simple color palette. Girls, guns, cars, and explosives – what’s not to like? The explosive kiss and firing range heart are nice touches too.
• Martian Successor Nadesico – Another classic opening done right. Upbeat music, introduction of the crew, and of course – robots!
• Star Blazers – What can I say, I’m a sucker for this show. I can still sing the entire lyrics twenty-five years later.
• Witch Hunter Robin – The rock chords are a nice change from the usual upbeat themes, and the graphics hint at some of the mysteries of the show.

Runners up:
• Neon Genesis Evangelion
• Vision of Escaflowne
• Gasaraki

Being a history buff, I enjoyed reading H’s review of Batman Family #1 so much, I just had to track down my own copy. Batgirl (the original — no wait, the second if you count Bette Kane’s Bat-Girl) and Robin (the original) against Benedict Arnold. Benedict Arnold! Perfect — I had to read this. So thanks to e-Bay, I now am the proud possesor of an inexpensive copy of the issue in question.

First impression: I like the Mike Grell artwork. He has always been a favorite of mine – I have the entire run of Warlord, and his Green Arrow was the definitive one. Here his art is good, not as polished as he is on later books, but still good. He does seem to have an issue with drawing bizarrely triangular anatomy on Barbara, though.

The story is a riot and needs to be read to be believed. The Devil has all the denizens of Hell, and the best villain he can come up with is Benedict Arnold? Sure, it was the Bicentennial, but I didn’t think the Devil would have the Spirit of ’76. (Now that’s a bad movie. Anyone else see David Cassidy and Olivia d’Abo in The Spirit of ’76? Ugh.)

As can be expected, the story is a mish-mash of historical accuracy. Barbara’s retelling of the history of Benedict Arnold left out most of the reasons he turned traitor, such as repeated politically-based court martials, serious debt, and a socially ambitious Loyalist wife. I expected better from a librarian turned Congresswoman. Admittedly, she was filming a public service announcement, so she’d be lucky if anyone actually watched it.

The anachronisms were thick. I was struck by Arnold’s understanding of modern (well, modern in 1976) media. He not only knows what cameras and film are, but knows what the “airwaves” are. They get TV down in Hell now? Plus, how did he know who Stonewall Jackson was?

At the battle of Saratoga, Arnold suffered a serious injury in his left leg, leaving him lame. Yet he’s walking and running fine in this comic. I’m sure the Devil fixed him right up, but I would have asked him to do something about that pot belly as well.

Don’t get me wrong: despite all my nit-picking, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. The premise alone is worth the price of admission.

The rest of the stories are a mixed bag. The Alfred story was a lightweight one from back in the days when he was more of a bumbling character. I prefer him the clever, quiet and somewhat condescending character he is now.

I can’t add much to H’s critique of the Commissioner Gordon story except to say that Robin’s dialogue is particularly painful. Remember that scene in Better Off Dead where Lane’s father is trying to talk “hip” to him? It’s like that, but even worse. Adults should not try to write trendy teenage dialogue. Period.

I enjoyed the Man-Bat story. I had never read it before, and always liked the character. Neal Adams and Dick Giordano present us with some beautiful and appropriately moody art. In terms of the story, I did find it interesting that Batman welcomed the new “hero” with open arms, as opposed to his “get the hell out of my Gotham” attitude nowadays.